I always find it strange that a single idea or incident can lead to a novel, story or, in my case, a verse! This mornings verse stems from a journey down the A1 to Stevenage (Oh the excitement of it all I hear you say, Stevenage hardly stacks up with the great cites of the world, does it?). There, hogging the middle lane was a red people-carrier of the sort named after a world-famous French artist (can you imagine how furious he’d be that there is a whole generation who have only experienced his immortality from seeing his name on the back of an ordinary production car?). Anyway this car was hogging the middle lane and as I passed I happened to glance at the frowning and slightly ginger-haired driver. I turned to Mrs Baldock Bard and said “I bet he’s a Colin.” (Here I offer my sincerest apologies if you are a fun-loving, interesting and popular Colin, can I get up from my grovelling position yet?). When we reached the shop I quickly scrawled on a scrap of paper: Colin drives a people carrier, Owns the middle lane. This lay on the floor of the car until yesterday when it was retrieved and the following verse compiled. While writing it took its own course, I hope you enjoy it…
The Road to Nowhere
Colin drives a family car,
Owns the middle lane,
Charlene sits beside him,
Thinking: ‘he’s to blame!’
She wants some real excitement,
At least some fun tonight,
She knows that when they get there,
All they’ll do is fight.
Rex and Kylee behind them,
Watching DVD’s,
They say that what’s around them,
Are boring fields and trees!
When they’re back at school,
Teacher will ask them what,
They did during their holidays,
They’ll reply with, “Not a lot!”
One mile until the services,
Charlene wants a pee,
Colin says she’s a silly bitch,
She thinks: ‘so is he!’
They pull into the car park,
The kids both complain,
They cannot leave their flat screens,
It’s started to spot with rain!
Charlene dashes to the door,
The queue is as she’d feared,
She wonders if they’d notice,
If she never reappeared!
She takes time out for coffee,
Her temper cools down far,
She even has a cup cake,
She’ll take nothing to the car!
Just then a handsome driver asks,
“Is there a seat for me?”
For a moment she’s in another world,
On leaving, say’s, “feel free!”
© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074
I feel I ought to apologise now and ask those of nervous disposition to look away. This verse is more slushy than the slushiest-blue slushy-iced drink you’ve ever tasted. However it does give me an excuse to dig out the above photo of two cardboard-cutouts supposedly selling unwanted wedding gifts at a car boot sale. So sorry to one and all and if you come to the boot sale one Saturday I’ll buy you a coffee to make it up to you…
