VIP Flypast!

Posted on May 25, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I went to London to scoop an elderly relative off the train at Paddington Station. Just before the Lord’s Cricket Ground there was a commotion behind us, police outriders stopped the traffic, blew whistles and held back vehicles and pedestrians as four unmarked cars, with blacked-out windows, swept past at speed…

Police stop all the traffic,
VIP coming through,
must be so important,
not for me or you!

The police motorcycle outriders,
swarm at the traffic lights,
whistle and shout, “you can’t come out!”
suspended ‘ooman rights!

I wonder who’s so important,
to be rushed through in this way
I’m glad it’s not me needs security,
I’ll quietly be on my way!

I wish you happy travelling without hold-ups (especially today, Roger and Joanna flying back to Hobart). Safe journey to you all, even if you’re just walking down to the shops!

© Baldock Bard 2016
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Every Saturday
April – October 2016
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Slippery When Wet!

Posted on February 22, 2016 by The Baldock Bard.

So the great debate has started, are we in or are we out? To be quite honest I’m bored already by aloof, slippery and untrustworthy politicians telling me what’s best for me. Like all institutions, the EU (or whatever it’s called these days), has good and bad for us all. Unfortunately many trillion more words are about to assault our ears…

Some say “stay in,”
some say “stay out,”
until June 23rd,
they’ll argue and shout.
Have they forgotten,
I think it’s true,
the final decision,
is up to me and you!

With apologies to my international readers for such a local topic, I’ll try my best not to mention it again! Have a peaceful week and ‘nil illegitimi carborundum’ !

© Baldock Bard 2016
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The Baldock Boot Sale
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Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
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Daffodils in December!

Posted on December 30, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday Mrs Bard and I went to see my elderly father. He had been busy, preparing smoked salmon, fresh fruit salad and mince pies. However, just before our arrival, he’d been to a sheltered part of his garden and picked some flowering daffodils! This is a time for panic, run for the hills…

There are Daffs in December,
we need an answer NOW!
We’re all much more intelligent,
must be a ‘What?’ or ‘How?’

Set up an enquiry!
Consultants by the score!
Lease an expensive building,
and then employ some more!

The enquiry takes two years,
millions it has cost,
any agreed outcomes,
unfortunately lost!

Before we all panic,
we should perhaps remember,
a mild and wet winter,
may bring Daffodils in December!

There is an upside! my late-drilled wheat looks like it will feed even more mouths thanks to the mild weather.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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An Intolerant Society?

Posted on December 10, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

When did we become such an intolerant society? I always thought that the greatest cornerstone of our society was the freedom of expression. I was obviously wrong. The words spoken publicly by American Presidential Candidate Donald Trump are both immoral and an affront to common decency. One way to deal with an idiot such as Trump is to starve him of the oxygen of publicity he so desperately craves. There are those in our world who would see him gagged, excluded and possibly worse. Surely they are not claiming to be liberal-minded people?

There are those in some countries,
who are not allowed to speak,
their minds,
except behind closed doors,
in frightened whispers.

They dream of a time,
when they can stand in a public place
and shout to the world.

If I don’t like what someone has said,
I am free to use my freedom to oppose.

However,
if I speak about curbing expression…
I am no longer free,
and those who seek to abolish simple freedoms…
…have Won.

In ‘The Friends of Voltaire’, Evelyn Beatrice Hall wrote: “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”

Shoot to Kill Policy

Posted on November 18, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

There is much talk in the wake of the Paris attacks about ‘what, if and how’ a similar outrage would be treated on London streets. Debate is good, however it is not the time to have reasonable discussion. Here on the farm we are not allowed to have rats. Following a poison control failure I have had to introduce a ‘shoot to kill’ policy…

I taped a torch to my gun,
and went to where the rats do run,
no rodent rights in my head,
my only aim to shoot them dead.
One appeared gave me the finger,
not much longer did it linger,
I raised the gun loosed off a round,
a rodent terrorist fell to the ground.
No debate neither fun,
just an action that had to be done.

We should fully support our police and armed forces who risk their lives allowing us to sleep safely in our comfortable beds.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The 5p Plastic bag!

Posted on October 7, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

So now we have to pay for plastic bags. In this age where we are all supposed to be more liberal it is obligatory to raise a cheer for aquatic wildlife everywhere. Quite how my Baldock-collected plastic bag finds its way to the sea I’m uncertain. I can just hope that other countries have similar rules. However I welcome the charge…

Five pence for a plastic bag,
the best bargain I’ve ever had!
I took my own shopping yesterday,
just so I didn’t have to pay!
But the greatest result this far,
I’ll use those bags that litter my car.
And even better no more snags,
when I attempt to open those bloody bags!
Weak and pathetic I know I am,
plastic bags defeat me, I’m only a man!

Quite why the Nanny State had to introduce this when certain shops had already introduced the charge without legislation I don’t know. Well done M&S!

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 The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
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every Saturday until 17th of October

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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The Art of Conversation!

Posted on June 20, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Running a car boot sale in this country comes with problems that don’t affect markets in some other nations. We are at the mercy of the Great British Summer. Since the earliest of times, the weather has come to the aid of this Island Race when conversation has lagged. This has avoided those long silences that some unfortunate nations endure…

Here we are it’s Saturday,
Car Boot time again,
the forecast is uncertain,
looks like we’ll have rain!

Last week a sunny morning,
‘till after half-past-four,
then the heaven’s opened,
Down the rain did pour!

We all know politicians,
can’t agree together,
so let us just be thankful,
they can’t control the weather!

…it helps to fill a blog as well! Have a great weekend and I’ll see you on the other side!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Every Saturday until the end of October
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Fertilizer Spreading!

Posted on May 8, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday as the country went to the polls we were busy spreading the last of the fertilizer on the wheat. Carl was on the spreader and I was attempting to keep him topped up with ton bags from the farm. The results of our day will take much longer to show…

We’re spreading fertilizer,
it helps crops to grow,
we calibrate the spreader,
or it comes out like snow.
Then off to the field,
to see if dose is right,
little pellets of goodness,
like hail – round and white!
Here comes the loader,
two more tons to be spread,
into the spreader,
then back to the shed!
By early evening,
the very last field,
now we need some rain,
to boost up the yield!
But not on Saturday morning!
© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
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The Headless Voter!

Posted on May 6, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Tomorrow the country goes to the polls. By Friday morning we may well wake up to a weak government controlled by a mish-mash of other parties or a weak government controlled by Scottish Nationalists (how we used to laugh at Italian politics!). The media has run such a long campaign that it is guilty of introducing mind-numbing boredom and apathy towards the election. Unfortunately it’s the system we have, so it’s time to put up and shut up…

We get the politicians we deserve;
we stupidly think it’s us they serve.
They hide behind ancient walls,
like scurrying rats when voting calls.
They’re like light bulbs each and ever hour,
they only seek one thing: that’s POWER!

Hiding in the Rushes!

Posted on April 10, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

How did we reach this state where we have some of the weakest, most pathetic and untrustworthy politicians on the planet? Leadership – something sadly lacking as they descend towards the gutter at warp-factor nine. The truth lies hiding somewhere in the rushes…

I’m so fed up with politics,
Shouting, smears, dirty tricks.
They won’t look us in the eyes,
In case we see their woeful lies.
No party is above a TV stunt,
From venue to venue supporters shunt.
If only they were Pinocchio,
In real time watch noses grow!
Common sense suspended until May 8,
Until then they’ll each other hate!
And after then, they’ll be so wise:
“That was policy, there were no lies!”

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Political Verse