Category Archives: Silly Verse

The Heron!

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Whenever I see a heron by the water’s edge on the river, I always think he is silently making fun of me! He stands there all aloof, passing judgment as we rush around keeping to our hectic daily schedules. I don’t suppose he’s even bothered about us; he’s probably just wondering what he’ll have for lunch…

The old heron stood on the river bank,
“I’ve seen some stuff,” he said,
“By being tall I’ve seen ‘em all,
it’s never gone to my head!”

“I’ve lived on fish all my life,
neither cow nor pig have I tasted,
no microwave for the time it saves,
no cooking time is wasted!”

“I watch you humans rush about,
no time to stop and stare,
I see you pose in your fancy clothes,
while I stand in my underwear!”

Dedicated to all Herons. May your fish be plentiful and your waters peaceful.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Monkey Goat and Internet Down!

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For two hours this morning I couldn’t log onto my blogsite. I checked that I had put coins in the meter, the power was ‘on’ and the engine ticking away: still no result. I had’t realised that others were watching until suddenly without warning I was able to post…

“What is he doing?”
said Monkey to friend Goat,
“he’s been up for two hours,
not a word has he wrote!
It looks like the Internet,
won’t post his daily blog,
be easier to write it on,
paper or a log!
The poem he could carve,
‘from an elderly generation’,
and float it down the river,
it’s called an artist’s installation!”

Have a good day and stay connected!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Pan Overboard!

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On the Bank Holiday Mrs Bard and I were invited to go on a short cruise on a river by some friends who own a posh cruiser. While eating a rater fine piece of cake I made a mess on the Wilton and the dustpan and brush went into action. Unfortunately while giving the crumbs to the fish, an accident occurred…

Up went the cry:
“Pan overboard!
it can’t swim,
Oh my Lord!
Attention Captain!
Stop the boat,
it can’t swim,
perhaps it’ll float?”
By swift action,
I’ll not forget,
the pan was saved,
by Annette!

Have a great week and if you’re boating please take care

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Silver Stairway to Relief!

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Yesterday while preparing for the first car boot sale of the season I noticed some remedial work was necessary on the toilet steps. After welding up the joints I remembered I had some odd spray cans left over in a unit from an untidy tenant. Two of the cans were silver wheel paint, how perfect for our twenty-fifth anniversary season at the car boot sale…

On top of the trailer staircase,
you will find relief,
the facilities are clean,
I hope your visit’s brief!
On our silver anniversary,
of the car boot sale,
would be unfortunate,
if the staircase were to fail.
I welded up some cracks,
(one hidden underneath)
then painted the staircase silver,
‘Silver Stairway to Relief!’

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, have fun and stay safe.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK THIS Morning!
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Farmers in Pyjamas!

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The other day I was looking at a zebra (as one does on a Thursday near Baldock!) and wondering what it would be like to saddle it up and ride it through the town! It was early afternoon and the only drink that had passed my lips that day was soft…

Wouldn’t it be such fun,
to ride a zebra through the town,
passers-by would wonder why,
and look me up and down!

“Look at that horse in pyjamas”
They’d say to one and all,
“riding through town in a dressing gown?
doesn’t he look a fool!”

“Perhaps he is dreaming,
riding the dusty plains,
inspecting crops in worn flip-flops
hoping that it rains!”

“It’s probably a nightmare,
After a night of drink,
farmers in pyjamas?
What must his mother think?”

With apologies to those who are looking for sense on this Wednesday morning! Have a great day, take care and avoid zebras!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK THIS SATURDAY!
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Retired Tractor!

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Yesterday I started up our old David Brown tractor. When she was new and shiny she was on display at the East of England Show! Now her bonnet is pitted with rust, her windscreen is filthy and she sometimes can’t help but dribble oil. She is is also prone to bad moods, gross flatulence and doesn’t like getting up in the mornings…

We have an old tractor,
Her name is David Brown!
She’s now retired,
Doesn’t work upon the ground.
She’ll likely be seen,
Sawing up some wood,
She’d like to go ploughing,
I doubt if she could.
So she sits in the shed,
Doesn’t go anywhere,
It’s the tractor equivalent,
Of the high wing-back chair!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Mrs Meerkat’s Monday!

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This morning I came across Mrs Meerkat. She looked exhausted. So tired that she lay down on the path in front of her house and refused to move, not even when offered a cup of tea! Never being one to complain I didn’t expect to hear of all her troubles…

“My seventeen children,
have just left for school,
I normally cope,
I’m really quite cool.
But today is Monday,
there’s Ballet and Tap,
at least no football or rugby,
it’s Tuesdays for that!
The old man’s on business, 
he’s gone for a week,
could have sworn I just saw him, 
in the High Street!
There’s a huge pile of clothes, 
I’ve got to iron,
I’m awaiting the plumber
a nice man called Brian!
But above all,
I’m not really fine,
I went to the cupboard,
I’ve run out of wine!”

Have a great week and don’t let your troubles (or your seventeen children) get you down!
Thanks to Mrs Meerkat for the photo (you can meet her and her family at Paradise Wildlife Park www.pwpark.com).

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Riding With The Pig!

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There are sometimes when you wish away the number of candles on your cake. I don’t suppose there is a pre-school child on earth who isn’t fixated by Peppa Pig. This pretty porker that they all wish was their bestie, has won them over so conclusively that even grown-ups are sometimes smitten…

Pepper Pig and brother George,
are even seen in Cheddar Gorge!
Everywhere in our midst,
they bring enjoyment to pre-school kids!
I discovered with glee and pride,
a solitary supermarket ride!
Inserted a pound in the slot,
my age and size I completely forget.
Security arrived in a huff,
“OK Granddad that’s enough,
Can’t you see you’re rather big,
to hitch a ride with Pepper Pig!”

(In my dreams!) Unfortunately I would have to be extracted by the local fire-brigade. However a big ‘Thank You’ to Peppa’s creators for their genius. Go Peppa!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Tibetan Talking Terrier!

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Some time ago while leaving a local store I saw a small scruffy dog waiting for its human. What used to be a common sight of dogs awaiting their humans outside stores is quite rare now and so I had to record the moment. Little did I know that he was a very rare Tibetan Talking Terrier…

A little scruffy dog,
tied outside a store,
his human is inside,
waiting is a bore!

“I wonders what he’s buying,
some biscuits or some tea?
but there again I’m hoping,
it’s something just for me!”

“We live about a mile away,
don’t want to make a fuss,
my legs are only little,
I hope we take the bus!”

“My human’s here and carrying,
dog biscuits (and some Brie!), 
I am overjoyed,
I knew he just loved me!”

Enjoy your day and remember to listen to your dog!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Tea Bags!

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The other day Mrs Bard and I were at a wholesale warehouse. Having had some dealings with a catering firm in a previous life, I was used to seeing everyday items available in non-domestic quantities. However a large bag caught my eye and I was shocked…

How many tea bags,
do you buy in one go?
Do you ever consider,
when stale do you throw?

I was wandering about,
a wholesaler recently,
when I came across a bag,
of proportions beyond me!

I had to look again,
at the number there within,
eleven-hundred tea bags,
a tea-drinkers win win win!

Have a magnificent Monday and take time for a cuppa!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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