Category Archives: Silly Verse

The Mechanic’s Hand!

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NutYesterday I spent over half an hour attempting to put a nut on a bolt in a very small space on the plough. When done in the factory it must have been a very different matter or one man would have continually held up the production line. In the end I managed to squeeze my little finger in from the other end and achieve some turns with a spanner. It set me thinking…

I need an eye on the end of this finger,
a spanner on the next,
a pneumatic gun,
on the end of my thumb,
and I wouldn’t be so vexed!

Mending a plough isn’t easy,
more bolts than an unruly horse,
if there were fewer,
the air less bluer,
It would be too easy of course!

I just pray that I don’t break the plough in the same place today. If I do, I’ll attempt to train a spider to do up that nut – could be interesting! 

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Keeping Up With The Times!

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Boot PokemonOne of the signs of advanced years is the inability to keep up with modern trends and advances in lifetime skills. I am fast approaching the day when even changing the channel on the TV will be a challenge! I have tried my best to acquaint myself with modernity but I feel I’m falling behind. At last weeks Saturday car boot sale I let myself down badly…

I was chatting to a stall-holder,
when her daughter let out a great scream,
“There’s one standing beside you,
it’s the coolest that I have seen!”
No matter how hard I looked,
I was standing all alone,
I even adjusted my glasses,
nothing to see on my phone!
“It’s a Dowzee standing beside you,
I saw a Venonat there just now,
There are Pokemon all over this field,
you are so yesterday and how!”
I smiled at her mother,
a quizical smile at that,
returned to my ignorant lifestyle,
and looked for a virtual cat!

I have it on good authority that there are Pokemon’s at the Baldock Saturday Car Boot Sale. I cannot guarantee that they’ll still be there this week or if they’ll buy from your stall, I’m only repeating what I’ve been told! Oh, and apparently, a unicorn was seen a couple of weeks ago, not to mention a couple of elves and Father Christmas on holiday… Good Luck in whatever you’re searching for!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Swan That Saw The Drone Crash!

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SwanOn Sunday after the St Neots Regatta, we had visitors to our boat. It had been rather a trying day as, having filmed some of the action for the Rowing Club with my drone, I misjudged the landing. I soon discovered, like man, it cannot walk on water and it had to be recovered with a boat hook.

A swan and her cygnet came floating by
“Got any food,” the mother’s cry!
When we said we lacked anything to eat,
She replied “You’re a farmer get some wheat!”
When I replied that ‘I’d none here,’
“That’s not good enough I fear,
Next time make sure you do deliver,
no wonder your drone swam in the river!
Come now Precious let us go,
this farmer’s not as bright as those who row!”

Top Tip if flying a drone near water: Take one sealable bag and plenty of rice, place rice and drone in bag and wait. Send for repair if needed!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk 


The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016

With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Pushchair Dog!

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Pushchair DogI have only seen a dog being pushed around in a pushchair twice. Both times have been at the car boot sale I organise every Saturday, the first time many years ago, the second a more recent occurrence! Whether this has something to do with the sales, the weather or something in the local water, I have no idea. Looking through some old boot sale photos I came across an example of this unique way of boot sale dog walking…

A woman customer that I know,
Had a dog that old did grow!
Off his feet, off his walks,
Barked so loudly when anyone talks.
She always found it quite a hoot,
To take dog in pram to the car boot.
Other dogs begged their owners,
to become dog-pushchair donors!
But most doggy-types refused,
saying simply, “We’re not amused!”

Have a great day and enjoy taking your dog for a walk!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk 

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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New Month New Weather!

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rainSo July is finally here! Not really sure whether we’ve just had June or October! It must have been one of the wettest Junes on record, I certainly can’t remember such a long spell of such disappointing weather for many years. July can’t possibly be as bad…

Pinch, Punch, the first of the month!
No returns, rabbits and hares.
We’ve had enough rain to last us now,
soaking circuses, sodden fairs!
If the latest forecast shows only showers,
and there’s no sign of rain or hail,
grab the kids jump in the car,
and visit Baldock’s car boot sale!

I know you were expecting something better for my 1,300th blog, but sometimes life is like that! Have a great day, the weekend is just around the corner!

BONUS VERSE! 1,300 blogs away I wrote:
Mary had an electric bill,
couldn’t believe her eyes!
Took a pitch at our bootsale,
now her house seems twice the size!

Still one of my favourites!
Best wishes and an enormous ‘thank you’ to all my readers.
Without you there I wouldn’t be here!
Baldock Bard!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Lost in France!

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La FranceI went into a bookshop yesterday and was shocked rigid. The retailer, possibly prompted by the referendum and the England football team’s defeat to mighty Iceland, had taken a bold step in road atlas retailing…

The road to France is falling apart,
the Tunnel will be kept as a work of art!
Days of motoring abroad on vacation,
will be like visiting a far-off nation.
The French road atlas will soon be history,
no more complicated directions that become a mystery.
“Where’s the map?” a shout of the past,
the wrong direction getting there fast!
No muttered insults from a Parisian waiter,
cheap red wine to throw up later!
Visiting a street market can be such fun,
the brie cooking gently in the midday sun!
Stretched out on a beach in a post-lunch stupor
Sunburnt flesh you’re a Tourist Trooper!
But what is this? I wake up from my dream,
nothing’s changed or so it may seem.
The only difference that I can see,
we’ll be able to stock up DUTY FREE!

To all those heading off on holiday, Bonnes Vacancies and enjoy!

© Baldock Bard 2016

For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Alien in the Dentist’s Light!

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Dentist LightLying in the dentist’s chair yesterday, looking up at the inspection lamp, I realised that if aliens wanted to see man at his most vulnerable they should infiltrate that light. Many people hate going to the dentist and put off the evil day. I find that whenever I’ve been, the care shown is such, that the fear vanishes and I’m left wondering what the fuss was all about…

I went to the dentist,
she said “Are you well?”
I said “It’s my tooth,
it’s hurting like Hell!”

She said “Let me look,
Oh yes! I can see,
this may feel uncomfortable,
open wide for me!”

After the injection,
she started to dig around,
I didn’t feel a thing,
but didn’t like the sound!

Suddenly it was over,
I rinsed the taste away,
Her parting words to me,
“Back on Thursday!”

The alien in the light,
reporting back from earth,
“She was too kind to him,
observation had no worth!”

With many thanks to my dentist for making the time in her chair as pain-free as possible.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Wholesaler’s Bargain!

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Rain GuageThe last two days have been the grottiest start to June that I can remember and customers of mine want to know what I’m going to do about it! Every week I get at least six phone calls to ask what the weather is going to do at my Saturday Car Boot Sales. Unfortunately I don’t have a direct line to ‘Him Upstairs’, despite what some might think. In order to forestall some of the detailed metrological questioning i sometimes pretend I have visited my wholesaler…

Someone rang and asked me,“Mike,
what do you think the weather’ll be like,
next weekend, because I’d like you to tell,
if it’ll be dry at the boot sale to sell”

I told him that ‘I’m not Mike’,
wasn’t really sure what the weather will be like,
but I had been down to the local wholesaler,
Salt of the Earth, was a deep sea sailor!’

‘Have you some dry Saturday’s for sale?
there are none on the shelf as far as I can tell.’
He replied with a Sea-Salts refrain,
“I’ve only a second hand weekend from Spain!

However if you want at a price that’s right,
a Hebridean week, cool dry and bright!”
I told him I’d take the Spanish weekend,
or my customers will think I’m around the bend!

Have a great day and if you notice some sunshine lurking around, please put it on a bus send it it my direction, I’ll pay the fare on arrival!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Nocturnal Toothache Cures!

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CuresThere are worse afflictions in the world than toothache. However having toothache in the middle of the night, when all around is silent, seems to heighten the pain to such an extent that any self-administered cure is considered…

I lie awake my mouth is in pain,
the pillow could be made from a steel frame.
Into the bathroom to re-brush my teeth,
it’s not them that hurt but underneath!
Go to the fridge, milk may be the cure,
it’s very cold, freezing pain to endure.
Put some malt whisky into a glass,
warms the throat but the pain doesn’t pass.
Make a coffee to quell the troubles,
burn your tongue the pain more than doubles.
Reach for a bottle of ‘Oil of Cloves’,
burns the lips but that’s how it goes.
Thinking ‘Power Drill’ the brain sends a warning,
I’ll ring the dentist first thing in the morning!

If you’ve got toothache, there is only one cure, an appointment with your local friendly dentist! Have a good day!
P.S. Have been to the dentist, he drilled and poked and the pain has gone!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Bank Holiday Leftovers!

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SaladMy mother always did the washing on a Monday. Without fail the washing line would be full    by nine-o-clock at the latest and the ancient hoover would be roaring it’s way around the house. This morning my memory has failed me as I can’t recall what happened on a Bank Holiday…

This Tuesday doesn’t feel like Tuesday,
you could call it Monday-lite,
it doesn’t feel like the start of the week,
something’s just not right.
Perhaps the only answer,
go back and start again,
then it may go back to normal,
and start to pour with rain!

Apologies for the ultra-low verse rating this morning but my mind is stuck in Bank Holiday mode and I can’t find the jump-leads!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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