Category Archives: Silly Verse

Show-Off and Tell!

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supercarThe other weekend, at a pub in rural Norfolk, we watched a man-child play ‘show-off and tell’. At the bar he announced (in a loud voice for the benefit of those possibly out of earshot), that he’d bought himself a Ferrari for his birthday. Later, while leaving the car park, he showed off its performance with squealing tyres. His mates had gathered to look and learn. Unfortunately, much to the disappointment of the assembled crowd, he was lucky and missed the ditch…

He had a supercar sleek and red,
to attract a super-girl to his bed,
He really thought that he was ‘it’,
According to others he was ‘just a tit!’

*Library picture of red supercar. Sorry, I wasn’t quick enough with the camera after a highly satisfying lunch!

© Baldock Bard 2016
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A Pirate Came to Tea!

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Pirate TeaWhile packing for our holiday Mrs Bard was approached by our three-year-old granddaughter and instructed to pack a pirate for me! When the coast was clear the pirate made an appearance and demanded grog and vittles…

A pirate came to tea one day,
when the Bards had gone away,
he unsheathed his sword and demanded food,
to ignore the request could have seemed quite rude!
“As I see it’s vittles you’re makin’,
I would like some eggs and bacon!”
He had a drink (not from a bar),
finished his food and let out an “Ooh Arrgh!”

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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Mutterings from the Logpile!

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LogsThe other afternoon the sun shone, there was hardly a cloud to be seen and it didn’t seem like February. However, mindful that the evenings were still drawing in early and that Jack Frost was about, I decided to saw and split some logs for the woodburner. While taking great care not to saw or add any part of me to the pile of logs, I let my mind wander…

If Donald Trump got the hump,
would Hillary Clinton care?
If he were sawing rather than boring,
He’d have sawdust in his hair!

If David Cameron visited Amazon,
and ordered a book from the store,
a European guide for an easier ride,
his renegotiation they’d not ignore!

Onward I sawed without being bored,
practising my ‘Acceptance Speech!’
Ladies and Gents I won’t sit on the fence,
“I think my latest film or book is a peach!”

After a while I broke into a smile,
the trailer-full of logs was done,
put the daydream away said “Now let us pray!”
Time had sped past and was fun!

WARNING: Daydreaming while using any machinery can harm your heath.
You must never daydream and drive. If you feel yourself becoming a Womble, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle or Elsa from Frozen, pull over in the next safe place, give yourself a slap and pull yourself together.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

 

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Farewell to Three!

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threeAccording to my media advisor, Tone, television channel BBC Three is no longer available via digital TV. Being a mere yokel, son of the soil and general rustic, I was much confused.  Enquiring further, I was told by Tone that if I wanted to watch it, I would have to use the Internet. Poor old BBC3, banished from the stable and out in the cold…

Farewell then,
to BBC 3,
you had other lovers,
but never me!

When last night,
I looked around,
discovered then,
you’d gone to ground.

You had a niche,
so they said,
now you’re consigned,
to the Web.

Wherever you are,
you’ll find a gap,
but I’ll never know,
if you were good or crap!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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The Sylvanian Wedding!

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Sylvanian WeddingMost who have had a daughter or grand-daughter in the last twenty-something years will have been introduced to a Sylvanian Family. For the uninitiated, these are family units; cats, mice, dogs, meerkats etc. Once in your house, they will afford you endless opportunities to buy a myriad of accessories including; houses, mansions, boats, cars, planes and other Sylvanian lifestyle items that no self-respecting parent could possibly ignore. We are on our second generation that is ‘Sylvanian-obsessed’. Recently there was a riotous wedding in a Sylvanian house….

After Mr and Mrs Goat’s wedding,
in a Sylvanian house,
clearing up took a week,
around an unconscious mouse!

Plates were littered around the floor,
the wedding cake toppled over,
the newly-weds nowhere to be found,
was said they’d gone to Dover!

Cleardy-up has taken place,
lingerers shown the door,
uneaten cake removed from the walls,
and bottles from all the floors!

So before a Sylvanian wedding,
should hospitality fail,
you can always threaten Sylvanian toys,
with a trip to a car boot sale!
SylvaniansPlay nicely now children! Oh! You’d like the full-sized castle? Of course darling, I’m sure the families will be very happy there, and you’d also like…!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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Engagement Parties and Terriers!

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Mali backLast night Mrs Bard and I went out to an engagement party in the next village. It was great fun and despite not expecting to be out long, time flew and before we knew it, it was way past my bedtime! This morning my dog is still annoyed that we were so late…

My dog has turned her back on me,
she’s not happy as you can see!
We stayed out until late last night,
she declared “it’s not right!”
Turned her back and with a titter,
“could have hired a baby-sitter!”
Now this morning things are better,
she’s by the Aga lying on my sweater!

Best wishes to Cherry and Matt for a wonderful future together. Make the most of your time as two, as one day you may find yourselves with a demanding dog!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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The Permanent Passengers!

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BagforlifeIt is a modern dilemma, you rush to the supermarket to buy something for supper, make your choice, get to the checkout and realise something is missing. That modern companion, the ‘Bag For Life’, has been left in the car and you are forced into a decision; juggle with pile of unbalanced and misshapen objects, buy a flimsy 5pence one-journey-before-split bag or add to the collection of bags living rough in the car…

I have this bag for life,
I keep her in the car,
She and I are happy,
She says that we’ll go far!

But when I go shopping,
and it’s time to pay,
I realise I’m on my own,
and she is far away!

So I buy a replacement,
to add to my collection,
a friend for my ‘lifey’
my carrier bag selection!

Apparently I am the problem and should be more organised! Thank you MD for your diagnosis! Have a great day and don’t forget your BFL!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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The Car Boot Organiser!

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OrganiserThere has been much talk recently about robots replacing people in more jobs than ever. Particularly in areas as yet untouched by machine. How many of you remember the advert on TV with the car being made by non-human hands? I recently discovered that I am about to be phased out on Saturday mornings…

While waiting to pay for fuel,
I noticed an offer – a jewel!
I was to be replaced,
By a Boot Organiser with taste!
for £3.99 that’s all!

So after Easter if I’m not there,
(been replaced by rabbit or hare!)
You’ll just have to park,
in the morning so dark,
“Mechanically organised – so there!”

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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The Jump Start!

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Jump LeadsThe other morning, when the temperature had dipped below zero, a tractor refused to start. Out came the jump leads. I hitched the errant machine up to its companion, waited a short while and Hey Presto! we were on the go. Returning the jump leads to the cupboard,  an idea crossed my mind…

Imagine on a cold frosty morning,
when your get up and go isn’t there,
you lie helpless under the duvet,
thinking ‘sod this, life isn’t fair!’

All of a sudden it’s happening,
your partner reaches for the jump leads,
“These will charge up you battery,
for your later appointment in Leeds!”

She opens the very large clips,
their size you’d almost forgot,
she holds them menacingly over your body,
you’re out of bed like a shot!

The attachment point doesn’t bear thinking about! Have a great day and stay safe out there!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

 

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The Bard’s Biggest Fan!

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Big FanWhen I started this blog site in February 2012, I thought that no more than a handful of people would read my outpourings. The idea that anyone from outside my county or country would do more than arrive by accident and quickly depart, was well beyond my hopes. Unbelievably my outpourings are read in over 67 countries from Algeria to Vietnam and Tasmania to Belgium…

My biggest fan sits in the shed,
blowing cold air through the bin-column head!
When it starts, nearby lights dim,
as it accelerates in speed with a howling loud din!
the purpose of this is to dry the grain,
taking my energy bills through barriers of pain!

Now readers who live down by the equator,
will start to wonder sooner or later,
whether I have been taken insane,
or if it’s to do with the cold and the rain.
I’d like to ensure wherever you are,
I’m simply a farmer whose ‘life-door’ is ajar!

Best wishes to you and all my readers. Thank you for reading the outpourings of a simple son of the soil!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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