Category Archives: Silly Verse

No Frost Today!

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FrostworkYesterday morning I managed to cultivate for five hours taking advantage of a hard frost. This morning, hoping that the conditions would be repeated, I found myself waking and checking the outside thermometer at regular intervals through the night. Alas cloud cover meant interrupted sleep…

I needed a frost this morning,
Just a minus 1 would do,
the tractor lay waiting in the shed,
prepared, cultivate, to do!
Alas the weather had other ideas,
sending cloud to cover clear sky,
leaving this expectant farmer,
to look up to the clouds and curse ‘WHY?’
But there was one consolation,
back to a warm bed I went,
and snore like an old humpy camel,
the extra sleep heaven sent!

…there’s always tomorrow morning (repeat stages 1-16)!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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That Morning Feeling!

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SleepI’ve had a very busy weekend, ably assisted by two fantastic volunteers. We have been very busy in the grain store turning tons of linseed. This has led to an unforeseen problem, I’m not sure what day of the week it is and I ache all over…

Getting up this morning,
spent yesterday in the shed.
Having worked all Sunday,
is playing with my head!
I think it may be Monday,
I’m really not so sure,
as I also worked Saturday,
could be the day before!
I know that it’s not Tuesday,
or could it just be Wed?
All I want to do right now,
is crawl back into bed!

Many thanks to John and Russell for help beyond the call of friendship.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Farm Breakdown!

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SocketsThere are few things more soul-destroying than when machines go wrong. They never seem to breakdown in the shed when they are resting, but always when you are up against it! Last night while moving linseed in the grain store things went wrong…

Break out the sockets,
hammer as well,
the grain’s stopped moving,
why? I can’t tell.
Down into the pit,
where grain has spilt,
the funnel’d part,
has quite a tilt.
Give it three clouts,
(and one for luck!)
t’was all my fault,
‘what a Schmuck!’

One of these days I might learn not to overload the system. Many years ago my old boss used to say: “Patience and perseverance can piddle a hole in a stone!” Should have listened to him.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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It’s Monday!

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Hungry DucksThis morning is one of those typical mouldy winter days. Mild temperatures, raining hard and soft squidgy grass and fields. However cold weather is forecast so maybe winter is on its way…

It’s Monday,
it’s dull,
it’s raining,
in Hull?

But into every life,
a little rain must fall,
the ducks are at the trough,
look like a rugby maul.

In the next few days,
colder temperatures here,
for their breakfast,
the ducks will appear!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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The Ninja Slipper Routine!

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Ninja SlippersHaving recently passed my three-score-years, I find that nocturnal bladder-relief is my nightly burden. I creep out of bed, using my watch illumination as a guide and cross the ancient creaking floorboards to the bathroom. Sometimes I’m more ninja-successful than others…

The elderly slippered-ninja makes his way,
Across the landing before break of day.
Alone towards the toilet creeping like a mouse,
To avoid awakening others in the house!
He knows each floorboard that creaks or groans,
Avoids going to stay in other people’s homes,
On the way back to bed a ghost like screeching,
The dogs squeaky toy destroys best ninja creeping!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

 

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Aussie Tucker!

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TuckerYesterday while shopping I spied some tucker from Down-Under! It certainly looked good in the picture on the packet and I was sorely tempted, but I’ve heard that kangaroo can pack a mighty punch…

Grab yourself some kangaroo steaks,
More hop and bounce than emu fakes!
However take care when they’re in the pan
They’ve got more fight than Sydney Stan!

Sydney Stan used to remonstrate,
With anything sat upon his plate,
He used to say: “I’ve sheared some wool
Take more than that to make me full!”

A chef, a Scotsman, liked to boast,
“A diners problem? Soon be toast!”
So for Sydney Stan, in a stew,
A ruddy great leg from a kangaroo!

Sydney Stan began to munch,
“This ain’t no more than normal lunch!”
Four hours later, some roo eroded,
The big sheep-shearer simply exploded!

From this tale of Sydney Stan,
it’s not what you eat that show’s you’re a man,
take it from me, it must be true,
there’s more than enough meat on a kangaroo!

With thanks to Lidl for introducing yet more culinary delights to our shores, we continue to watch your shelves with interest!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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The New Year Tradition!

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Tone's CoatThere is one part of New Year that is a traditional as fireworks and ‘Auld Lang Syne!’ When guests have finally wended their way back to whence they came, the trawl nets are put out to see what has been left behind! The one benefit of this practice is that it shows they will probably return and their rushed departure was unlikely to have been the result of anything you said. This years prize goes to Tony from North of Birmingham…

“I left my hat in Arfordshire,
Along with my old coat,
I hope that they take care of them,
Don’t feed them to a goat!”

“Cos if they mislaid my dear old coat,
It could get quite smelly,
Oh good grief I just realised,
They’ve also got my welly!”

We looked around our outhouse,
To see what we could see,
The coat’s in better condition,
Than the one that belongs to me!

The hat I will admit,
Has seen better days,
But it’s in a Staffordshire tweed,
Not equipped for Southern rays!

So we’ll put it out for the Postie,
That should be a breeze,
Cos if Old Tone hasn’t got his coat,
The poor old Bugger’ll freeze!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




 

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Bard Cooking (When Tins Collide)!

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Bard CookingMrs Bard is a great cook. Sometimes, during intimate candle-lit evenings, we can be found watching cookery programmes! However when Mrs Bard is away, I flounder with fish, fail to greet meat and survive on temperate toast. This weekend, when I had a guest for supper, I attempted to be as adventurous as a Masterchef contestant. After all, how difficult can it be to ‘take a dish to another level’…

I went to the freezer to grab me a meal,
it always looks easy when cooking by feel!
I grabbed a package whose label had gone,
Into the microwave, set for how long?
When defrosted I looked at the mess,
could have been anything I must confess.
I added tinned tomatoes like Mrs Bard does,
creating a creation gave me quite a buzz.
Into the fridge and poured in some cream,
was looking peculiar, not the best I have seen.
Found in the cupboard a can of baked beans,
looked more like a one pot seen in canteens.
Italian mate Tony always adds pasta,
It think it makes cooking go a bit fasta!
At last it was ready, my guest at the table,
I’d plied him with drink so eat he’d be able.
After a mouthful, to me he did turn:
“For heaven’s sake Bard, when does she return?”

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

 

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The Coffee Jar!

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Coffee jarMonday mornings can be difficult, we all have our own rituals, likes and dislikes. This morning sees me in the depths of Staffordshire, however I was able to indulge myself in a most satisfying ritual, opening a new coffee jar as I find myself in a house of tea-drinkers…

The coffee jar I brought,
foil covering is new,
I got to grab it first,
(excitements I have few!)
I opened up the lid,
an experience sublime,
Someone was there before me,
I opened it last time!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

 

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Friday Beans!

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This morning I have to move beans from the store to the barn in preparation for a lorry next week. Field beans are not only very dusty but also extremely noisy, so I’m in for a peaceful morning, not…

Beans, beans, good for the heart,
moving them is quite an art.
The more you move them,
the more knackered you feel
‘tis why moving beans has no appeal!

Here’s hoping your day is more peaceful than mine. Have a great weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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