The Dustie!

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The other day I came out of the grain store, as usual covered in dust. During the wheat sweeping process I’d been immersed in dense dust and with chaff blown around by the air sweep floors of the bins. These are supposed to clear the bins, however, like me, they are old and knackered and so help is needed…

I came out of the store covered in dust,
I thought to myself ‘a selfies’ a must!
Dust and wheat were everywhere,
down my back and in my hair.
On my shoulders it lay like freshly-fallen snow,
you’ll never guess where grains can go!
I went to the workshop to the compressor so trusty,
but before I used it I posed for a ‘Dustie!’

Have a great dust-free day!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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The Three Visiting Hens!

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3 HensWe have three hens staying at the farm. I realise that most people have just human visitors, but regular readers will know that there is not much normal on this farm! These guests are easy to please, have no complaints and don’t engage in lengthy conversations at breakfast time…

Three visiting hens are contented,
grateful for breakfast wheat,
no complicated agendas,
to make their lives complete.

They have no need for credit card,
no pocket for loose change,
they’ve never seen a bank manager,
would think a mortgage strange!

They’ve never heard of television,
news comes not from a box,
religion is unfamiliar,
only terrorist is a fox!

They know not of politicians,
not lies, not war, not hate,
their only overriding fear:
avoidance of human plate!

Best wishes from the three guests! Here’s hoping that your day is as uncomplicated as theirs (wouldn’t that make a change!).

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Nature’s Climbers!

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While splitting logs with the log-splitter the other day I noticed that I was no longer alone. I stopped work and gazed in amazement at a team of climbers who had no ropes, no hard hats and not an ounce of high-vis between them…

Health and safety doesn’t exist,
when wood-lice scale their wooden cliffs,
up they run right to the top,
not even for a breather stop!
Then there’s a crack, lo and behold:
they never miss a single foothold,
as before them a challenge new,
another climb before the day is through!
When faced with a new challenge, remember the woodlouse and power through! Have a great weekend. BB.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The ‘F’ Word!

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dressIf you have children, grandchildren or see children at any point during your day you’ll be able to recognise a ‘Frozen’ attack. It starts with just one chorus of ‘Let it Go’, possibly even sung as a joke at the bar or overheard in the office. By then, even though you don’t know it, you’re hooked. The next stage is dressing in sky blue whilst singing, howling or caterwauling ‘Let it Go!” Despite being mainly aimed at children, sometimes it even strikes down the elderly…

Woke up this morning quite disturbed,
in my head a song I’d heard,
wouldn’t shift ever hard I tried!
Round and round my brain was fried!
My Granddaughter came through the door,
I couldn’t take it any more,
as she ran to and fro,
she was screaming ‘Let it go-o!”
I knew by then I must lie down,
psychiatrist’s couch in Baldock town!
Outside the fields had no snow,
I just muttered “Let it Go!”
It’s been removed from my head,
replaced by emptiness instead.
They say release can be quite brief,
avoid it if you want relief.
I still hanker for a dress of blue!
the next afflicted could be YOU!

Why didn’t I write those lyrics? I have to admit the whole film/music/clothing thing is very cleverly aimed with a scatter-gun, affecting just about everyone! Criticism is simply jealousy!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Power Cut!

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power cutThis morning, at just after seven, the lights went out. We had a power cut. Ringing the power carrier (like Aquarius but with volts), I was informed by a distended voice that she knew about the fault in my area, it was probably due to the effect of heavy rain on underground cables and that everything would be back to normal very soon…

There’s no electric,
we’re in the dark,
no hot drinks,
the choice is stark!
Such a nice lady,
other end of the phone,
dealing with it personally,
on her own!
She wears high-vis,
everyone can see,
she’s down the hole,
mending the wire for me!

…Don’t go beserk,
with UK Power Network,
by half-past-nine,
…all was fine!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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A Quiet Saturday Morning!

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Bootsale QThis morning I awoke with a start at 5am. I sat up in bed panicking that I would be late to let the sellers and buyers into the car boot sale field. I then realised that our last sale of the season was last week. I went back to sleep…

The rabbits at the bootsale field,
know that something’s wrong.
Skylarks fluttering overhead,
interrupt their wonderful song.
“Where are they? They all ask,
they should all be here,
there’s not a human to be seen,
Something’s wrong we fear!”

A wise old owl,
with a friendly hoot,
said “End of the season,
no car boot!”

Happy Christmas to all our wonderful customers at the Baldock Car Boot Sales. We’re back after Easter 2016. Also grateful thanks to Grant and Linda for all their hard work catering for the masses – enjoy your Saturday morning lie-ins!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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No Need for a Cork!

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Sloe GinAccording to ‘Lifestyle Advisors’, larders in houses are making a comeback. Naturally, being ahead of the game, we’ve always had one. Unfortunately a larder also becomes the harbourer of antiquated tins, that unidentifiable and undrinkable bottle friends brought back from a foreign holiday and enough bags for life to see me into my 209th year. Some things once discovered cannot be ignored…

I found a bottle of Sloe Gin in the larder,
Thought to myself ‘just a taste’,
The liquid the smoothest of flavours,
Within no time was rat-faced!

I struggled to push back the stopper,
The cork I had wouldn’t fit,
To make room I had another glassful,
Tasted better the second hit!

I really had no other option,
But to empty every drop to my glass,
I drained the last from the bottle,
Then spectacularly fell on my ass!

I lay on my back like a fly-sprayed,
On my chest an empty bottle,
I don’t think Mrs Bard was amused,
As my neck she started to throttle!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Full Day!

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UAV showOnce in a while I oversleep. Normally when I’ve stupidly tried to cram too much into my day. Yesterday was one of those days: I was out rolling long before daybreak, at ten o’clock I drove to EdeCel in East London for the UAV (drone) show and by half past three was back on my tractor until darkness fell. Something had to give way…

I’m sorry I’m late
My bed wouldn’t release me
It held me hostage
No ransom demands were sent
No payments made
And before I knew it
I was late

So it’s not my fault
You’ll have to speak
To my warm pillows and duvet
It’s their fault
Not mine!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

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Late Tomato Harvest!

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TomatoYesterday a friend proudly showed me his tomato plants. Unfortunately mid-October is a little late for ripening them outdoors. I predict chutney making…

Our friend Alex has grown tomatoes,
proud of his horticultural skill,
it’s a shame that they won’t ripen,
Eating them now could make him ill.
However he’s not at all disheartened,
not erratic or even fickle,
“A great success” or so he says,
Monday morning he’ll make pickle!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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An Invisible Car Boot Sale!

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Foggy BootHere we are at the penultimate Saturday car boot sale of the season. So far this year we have only had to cancel two due to rain. This is a record. However last Saturday came close…

The boot sale season’s almost done,
The last one is next week,
The weather has been kind for us,
although for farming it’s been bleak!

Last week we had thick dense fog,
you could hardly see the stalls,
buyers loomed up out of the mist,
Voices echoed like St Pauls!

Today we hope for sunshine,
the weather forecast’s good.
Come down and see some bargains,
I think you really should!

I know… but it’s early in the morning and the brain is beginning to shut down its early-morning burst in preparation for Saturday morning lie-ins! Have a great weekend and enjoy whatever you have planned.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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