The Stressful Life of a Goose!

Posted on October 14, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

I was reading an article about stress. It would seem that the more that technology ‘helps’ us cope with life, the more stressed we get. I have to admit, I was a little stressed this morning. As usual I had no idea what I was going to write here, until I went to feed the geese. Problem solved…

Our thirteen geese,
Have never been to Greece!
They’ve never been away for the night!

They don’t know about the Euro,
The Dollar or the Pound,
They just look for food,
Hidden on the ground!

Their life is simple,
Don’t worry ‘bout a pimple!
It doesn’t keep them tossing all night long!

They don’t know about computers,
Mortgages or stocks,
Their only concern,
Is a mean hungry fox!
(and they think that thirteen is a lucky number!)

The Baldock Boot Sale is open at 7am on Saturday
for the last time until April 26^th 2014
When we’ll reopen for our Twenty-second season!!
Still with FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
‘We’ll see you there!”

Goosey Thoughts on a Wet Saturday Morning!

Posted on October 12, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

I’ve been sitting in my car in the darkness of an early and wet Saturday morning on the side of a main road. Due to heavy rain I’ve had to cancel the car boot sale and I’m sitting here in the early morning light turning eager customers away! Every so often a large truck speeds past sending a tsunami of water over the car. So far I’ve turned seven customers away. I wish I were a goose…

I wish I were a goose,
Floating down the river,
Thinking lots of goosey thoughts,
Through the water sliver.
I wouldn’t care if it’s raining,
Wouldn’t need a hat or coat!
I enjoy all sorts of food,
But salad floats my boat!
If I were a goose,
I’d be elsewhere today,
But the way my luck is going,
I’d end up as pâté!

The Baldock Boot Sale is open every Saturday at 7am
Twenty-one years and still selling!
FREE parking and entry for all buyers, princesses, dogs and aliens!
www.u-boot.co.uk
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

Bunce the Cat and the Temporary Feeder!

Posted on October 11, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

My daughter and family are on holiday and I have been left in charge! My major responsibility is the care of their cat, Bunce. Thank heavens he can’t report back as I’d be in trouble. However he voices his disappointment just by glancing at me. I know when I’m in trouble and this time it’s deep…

I’m looking after Bunce the cat,
I’m not sure what he thinks of that,
He’s always home at feeding time,
If I am late I’ve committed a crime!
He goes to ‘work’ every day,
When lesser cats just want to play.
He patrols the farm grain store,
Mice aren’t seen there anymore!
But when the tin is opened at night,
He purrs so loudly, all is right!
Then with stealth he’s through your feet,
And hides in a bedroom for a good nights sleep!

‘Bunce’ is named after the makers of our snowplough as he was rescued in a blizzard from a house where he was unloved and un-cared for. At some point he had an altercation with a car and so has a rather strange look about him. However he is now full of purrs and leading a very contented life (except when under the jurisdiction of the ‘Temporary Feeder’).

The March of the Chocolate Santas!

Posted on October 9, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

While shopping with Mrs Bard yesterday I came across a row of chocolate Santas. Given that it is early October and we have yet to sample the delights of Halloween, I wondered if it wasn’t a trifle early for them to be seen in such numbers…

A row of chocolate Santas
lined up on the shelf
What are they looking for?
Maybe a chocolate elf?

Their sleighs seem to be missing,
There’s little sign of toys,
Will they be ready,
For all the girls and boys?

It’s only early October,
76 days to go,
We haven’t had a frost yet,
Not a sign of snow!

Every year it’s earlier,
No berries on the bough,
The Christmas rush has started,
Buy your chocolate Santas now!

Stan and the Big Yellow Dinosaur!

Posted on October 8, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I sat in a queue of motorists caused by some major roadworks. I have always been fascinated by the primeval actions of those giant diggers you see in such places. Having occasionally driven one of their smaller brothers, I remain amazed how, even at my very basic level of operator skill, the digging arm becomes an extension of the operators body and thoughts. However watch a professional and the machine comes alive…

Stan drives a big yellow dinosaur
They dig by the side of the road
Lorries queue behind them
Ready to receive a load

He’s an operator on autopilot
His mind is mostly elsewhere
He daydreams of far off countries
Giant machines live there!

They sit together at lunchtime
Packed-lunch is wrapped in foil
Eat fancy thick-grease sandwiches
And drink hydraulic oil!

One day he’ll just go feral
Take off with his machine and roam
They’ll rip their way through the forest
In search of their natural home!

‘Lilo’ The New Puppy!

Posted on October 7, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Some friends came to stay for the weekend and not only brought their two children and their dog, but also a new puppy. Once the dogs had settled into a temporary pack, they behaved better than either the adults or the children! But Milo (nicknamed ‘Lilo’) was the star of the show…

Milo lies,
Feet in the air,
Say’s “rub my tummy,”
Oh, yes, right there!

Around the garden,
To and fro,
Legs sometimes fail,
And over he go!

No ‘parcels’ left
On the floor,
Only water splashed,
Where he drinks once more!

He seeks forgiveness
For all he’s done,
“I’m really sorry,
Forgive me mum!”

He’s only little,
Easy to train,
But we all say:
He can come again!

© Baldock Bard 2013
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above  

The Joys of Grandfatherhood!

Posted on October 5, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Yet again the eyes of a nation are focused on a case of child abuse so horrific and abhorrent that it is hard to believe. Yesterday my granddaughter was one. I almost feel a sense of guilt for enjoying the joy she brings. If you are lucky enough to have a little one, give them an extra hug today to let them know how very special they are…

There’s a little Google-eyed Bug,
That lives nearby,
Had a birthday yesterday!
She’s got some teeth,
And a wonderful smile,
But no words does she say!

There’s very something special,
About a grandchild,
Brings most men to their knees,
They’ll crawl around the carpet,
Doing anything to please!

So Happy Birthday Google-eyed Bug,
I wish you many many more,
And while my knees are true,
I’ll still join you,
Playing with toys on the floor!

Empty Seed Bag Time!

Posted on October 1, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday evening John finished the rolling that follows the drilling of wheat and oats. All the seed is now in the ground. It is a time of great relief and all that can be done now is sort out troublesome weeds and wait until the spring when the crop will need feeding with fertilizer. Relief floods the farm…
Sow,
Sow,
Sow the oats,
In a nice straight row!
Now all we need is rain,
So the oats will grow!
Roll,
Roll,
Roll the oats,
Gently it may seem!
Crushing all those nasty clods,
Seedbed like a dream!

Plenty of Wind (and Turbines!)

Posted on September 30, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Mrs Bard and I recently visited the North Wales coast. As we were being pushed along the promenade at Colwyn Bay in our bath chairs, Mrs Bard leaned over to me: “Hector?” (for that is genuinely my name), “What are those tall white things on the horizon? Why are they there? Do boats run into them?” I adjusted my monocle and could faintly see a windmill. As my eyes adjusted to the glare from the sea I realised I was looking at Nimby Hell. There seemed to be hundreds of turbines, as far as my poor eyes could see. I searched hurriedly, for an answer. “Those, my dear, are wind generators, they generate wind to cool the resort!” She must have liked my answer as she looked up to the sky and made the tutting sound I hear so often these days…

A short-sighted old salt called Joe,
Out to sea in his coaster did go.
He missed the pier,
Which from fog did appear,
But gave a turbine,
A glancing blow!

Alfie and the Journey!

Posted on August 17, 2013 by The Baldock Bard.

Some dogs are just dogs. Others are like little people in their actions and expressions. Alfie, a friend of the dogs who live with Mrs Bard and I, has two humans. He decides what, where and how they live their lives. Sometimes he thinks, sometimes he sits, but most of the time he sits and thinks…

Alfie won’t get out of the car,
Where’s he going, is it far?
Is he off to visit friends?
That I suppose, somehow depends,
On what he’s planned to do today,
Maybe he just wants to sit that way!
He can’t reach the pedals, can’t reach the wheel,
So where he goes, won’t be real!
So we’ll just leave him, sitting there,
And let him drive, anywhere!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Silly Verse