Category Archives: Silly Verse

Frank the Duck!

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Taking in abandoned birds can be emotionally difficult. Whereas Ducky-Wucky and Darren were straightforward, Frank turned out to be challenging…

I rescued a duck the other day,
Was a sweet as sweet can be,
I caught it some grubs and beetles,
That I managed to get from a tree!

I made it a nice little house,
Complete with a carpeted stair,
I wanted to make a miniature bed,
Only managed a small armchair!

I took it to the library,
It came with me to the bank,
I wondered what to call him,
He ended up as Frank!

I fed him lots of duck food,
He managed to get quite fat,
But today Frank’s gone away,
I think he’s with the cat.

© Baldock Bard

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

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Nursery Boot Rhyme 1

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I wonder what future generations will make of the term ‘Nursery Rhyme’? Will they think of a place that plants are grown and wonder what that has to do with children? Anyway enough of this nonsense. The picture above has nothing to do with the verse below (and before anyone thinks I’ve cheated by cut and pasting a ‘funny’ or ‘mildly amusing’ from the tinternettywhatsisname, I took the photo a couple of years ago in County Cork, Ireland). So sit back and enjoy this tasty little morsel…

Sing a song a-boot sale
A pocket full of cash
You should see the dealers
On their bargain-hungry dash!
Then afterwards a burger
That Carla makes with care
All this on a Saturday
We hope to see you there!

© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

 

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A Special Duck’s Nest

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Living on a small farm and being us, we tend to name our animals and birds! It started, quite naturally with our pets, dogs and cats, but spread (to the alarm of our friends) to chickens, geese, pigeons (either Peter or Penny!) and even wild ducks! This is the story of a wild duck, her husband and a surprising, gifted and precocious child called ‘Chirpy’.

Ducky Wucky’s Nest

Ducky Wucky’s decided
She needs a safe place for her nest
She’s built it on an ivy wall
Because only she knows best

Disgraceful Darren, her husband
Is nowhere to be seen
He’s off down the pond with his mates
On nest-building he’s not keen

Three years ago about this time
(In duck-years she was thirty)
She had a shock climbing off her nest
Out popped a chick called ‘Chirpy’

Now Chirpy is a special hen
A cut above the rest
She welcomes schoolchildren to her farm
Because she knows she’s the best

We’re keeping an eye on Ducky’s nest
Hoping that it survives
Just what she’ll hatch we won’t know
Until Stanley Stork arrives!

 © Baldock Bard
Just 1 day until the Baldock Saturday Car Boot Sale returns
 for its 20th anniversary season on the 14th April 2012

www.u-boot.co.uk
Bootphone: 07852 707 074

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The Cat and the Tortoise

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I wrote this many years ago for a friend who was bravely fighting a serious illness. Her kitchen was almost unique in that she and her family shared it with no less than four tortoises and (I think!) three cats. I had completely forgotten about the verse until I came across it by accident in a dusty file hidden at the very back of my hard drive along with some pictures of me as a baby (no I’m not sharing them!), a very early e-mail and a rather furry wine gum of indeterminate age. So this was written for Sandy, I hope you like it…

 The Cat and the Tortoise

The tortoise and cat were having a chat
As they lay on the kitchen floor
“What is it that you think as a cat?
And why is it you always snore?”
The cat replied, “It can’t be denied
Food is at the forefront of thought
But when I have eaten my resolve is just beaten
And a nap is needed – just short!”

The tortoise looked sad and said it was bad
“You know people always compare
Me in a race it’s such a disgrace
It’s always won by the hare!”
“You have your fur and at least you can purr
I only grunt, snort and sigh
I shuffle around close to the ground
With a shell that looks like a pie!”

The cat was surprised that the tortoise replied
In the way that he had just done
(He’d always admired how they were attired
And the way that they needn’t run!)
He stretched out his paw (not extending a claw)
And purred the way cats can do
“I suppose in the end you just need a friend
And I’ll be that friend to you”.

© Baldock Bard
Just 3 days until the Baldock Saturday Car Boot Sale returns
 for its 20th season on the 14th April 2012

www.u-boot.co.uk
Bootphone: 07852 707 074

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Break out the Barbecue!

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It’s not often that you can barbecue in March. Last night we had the first of the season having dragged the griddle kicking and screaming from hibernation. The day had seen a high of over 20 degrees and this was a cause for celebration on a burger and sausage scale. So sit back, smell the fumes and enjoy my burnt offering…

March of the Barbecue

Break out the barbecue
Summer is here!
It may still be March
But we want cold beer

I found some old charcoal
Out in the shed
Along with a rat
I think it was dead

The griddle was filthy
(not put it away clean)
Industrial scraping
You know what I mean

I lit the old charcoal
Poured some fuel on
The flames reached the heavens
Now my eyebrows have gone

I sprayed on some water
To cool down the heat
Hotter than a furnace
Won’t be long ‘till we eat

On went the burgers
Sausage (no mash)
They sizzled and frizzled
Will be done in a flash

I flipped a ‘Value’ burger
I’d been a skinflint
It fell to the ground
That my Carbon footprint?

When we had eaten
Light started to slide
Barbecue heat now perfect
And we were inside!

© Baldock Bard

Just 15 days until the Baldock Saturday Car Boot Sale returns
for its 20th season on the 14th April 2012

www.u-boot.co.uk

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Putting Up Shelves!

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Today I have been putting up some shelves. Having made use of the First Aid kit when hammer met finger, it made me think just what might have happened. I hope you enjoy this silly little verse…

Putting up some shelves,
with son-in-law, John,
I fell off the kitchen chair,
I was standing on!

Then I drove a nail,
right into the wall,
had no idea,
the pipe was there at all.

Mopped up the water,
on the floor did slip,
all the spare chipboard,
is now fit for the skip.

Used some decent rawl-bolts,
drilled into the wall,
after the flash and sparks,
there’s no electricity at all

Admired our fancy handy-work,
but my wife did frown,
when we loaded the shelf with china,
the bloody thing fell down!

Now I’m in the doghouse,
until who knows when?
As for putting up more shelves,
I won’t be asked again!

© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Saturday Car Boot Sale returns for its 20th Season
on the 14th April 2012

www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Birdman of Baldock!

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Many years ago when I was in school, the English master (whose name has been lost in the mists of time) asked the class to write a non-sensical essay. When mine was handed back he had written the following: ‘It is indeed fitting that the best piece of work you’ve ever done for me is complete rubbish. Well done, keep it up.’ I think everyone should have an ‘Edward Lear Moment’ – this verse comes from one of those moments, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing the nonsense…

The Birdman of Baldock
(with apologies to Alcatraz)

In our town lives a man called Tweet,
Invites wild birds to his house to eat,
Sparrows, Starlings, Robins and Tits,
Can be seen through the windows eating tidbits.
Passing youngster’s (so I’ve heard),
Are inclined to give Mr Tweet the bird!

© Baldock Bard

The Baldock Saturday Car Boot Sale returns on the 14th April 2012
www.u-boot.co.uk

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