Category Archives: Traffic Jam

The Curse of the Cone!

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TrafficOn a recent journey I was held up in traffic. When I reached the front of the queue I realised that the problem was an outbreak of cones! As it was after 5pm I was not surprised to see inactivity on the closed off section. Notch up another victory over common sense for ‘Elf and Safety…

Miles and miles of bloody cones!
Everyone’s on their mobile phones,
“Don’t know when we’ll be home for tea,
Not my fault, don’t blame me!”
Where is the workforce to be protected?
Yellow fluorescent, hard hats selected!
Where are the lorries carrying the load?
Where are the machines mending the road?
Where are the managers who on site roam?
It’s five o’clock, everyone’s gone home!
Where is the motorist who frowns as he groans?
Still stuck in the queue looking at cones!

© Baldock Bard 2013
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The Blue and Yellow Taxi!

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Blue & Yellow TaxiI spotted an unusual taxi parked in a taxi rank the other day. It was obviously ready for an urgent fare as it had blue lights and reflective bodywork. Later on I saw it rushing through town to deliver a passenger to an urgent meeting…

It’s a taxi for the criminal,
it’s a taxi for the bad,
when you are a passenger,
you know that you’ve been had!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Using a Rusty Brain!

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OPSMANI am on part two of the training to become a recognized UAV (or drone) pilot. This involves writing an Operators Manual that will be sent for approval to the CAA (Civil Aviation Authority). In these days of ‘copy-it-from-internet’ exams it is refreshing, but daunting, to read the warning from the guidelines: IF YOU SUBMIT THESE GUIDELINES WITHOUT MODIFYING FOR YOUR OPERATIONS YOUR OPERATORS MANUAL WILL BE REJECTED. Hence hours spent thinking and writing, much to the disgust of my rusty ancient brain…

My brain needs extra capacity,
an external drive attached,
because I’m having to use it,
Operations Manual hatched!
It’s taken most of the week,
to write this forty-plus page tome,
I’ve burn the midnight oil,
no time to fly the drone!
But soon it will be finished,
out of the dark I’ll be,
Mrs Bard will ask who I am,
I’ll reply, “It’s only me!”

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
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The Field of Blue!

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Linseed1This year we are growing a field of linseed. The flowers come out in the morning and disappear in the afternoon/evening. This has led to much confusion with passing commuters who find the constant changing scene hard to accept…

I passed this field of blue flowers,
Could have watched the scene for hours!
Then that evening it was green,
Perhaps the strangest thing I have seen!
Then this morning it was blue again,
We’d had a warm night without rain.
So I asked the farmer ‘why?’
The changing scene when I drive by?
And he said “I guess you now know,
That’s just how linseed does grow!”
© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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The Farmers Last Ride!

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Final JourneyYesterday I went to the funeral of my cousin and old friend, Roger. The church was packed with standing-room outside the only option for late-comers. A slight shower when we came out of the service reminded us that, to us farmers, rain is an important ingredient in life. Afterwards we all congregated in the empty grain barn to chat and reminisce. However before the funeral, Roger had one last wish…

In back of the old Toyota,
one last chance you see,
for the farmer to look around his crops,
‘A farmer’s always a farmer, he be!’

Down the side of the oats,
across the road to the wheat,
back past the field of beans,
now his tour is complete.

So it’s up to the church for Roger,
where friends are waiting inside,
tears and remembrance a-plenty,
after the farmer’s last ride.

Take care old friend. May your furrow be always straight and the following winds always be warm and fair! BB.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Charlie the Wolfhound!

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CharlieDriving along the road, you can see the most remarkable sights. The other day I was able to grab my camera as I was not driving. Mrs Bard and I were following a car that had a very tall passenger in the back, so tall in fact that a van might have been more appropriate transport…

When Charlie the Wolfhound
arrives at a junction,
his superior height,
gives him a function!
He looks left,
then he looks right,
then howls ‘Ok!”
with all his might.
There’s just one drawback,
if you please,
he has to duck,
to avoid low trees!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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The Three-Wheeled Coffee Machine

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Coffee WagonWhile waiting to pick someone up at Baldock station yesterday morning I was amazed to see almost every traveller stop to buy a coffee from a small three-wheeled coffee stall. Thinking about it later, I realised that small entrepreneurial outlets like this should be applauded. It exemplifies someone seeing a gap in the market and working hard to fill it…

Reading a classic Neville Shute,
as part of the daily commute,
a coffee sublime,
will suit you just fine,
followed by a portion of fruit!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Road Sweeper!

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Road SweeperThe road outside the farm has been resurfaced with tar and stone chippings. Many lorry-loads of stone arrived to be evenly spread on the tar. For some time most motorists using the road were unusualy cautious about speed for fear of slippage and windscreen or paintwork chips. Then along came the road-sweeper…

Like a bad-tempered tortoise,
it crawls down the road,
gathering road-stone,
to make up its load.

You hear it from a distance,
with a high-powered roar,
as if it’s walking bare-foot,
on a stone-covered floor.

But when it has gone,
motorists should shout ‘hooray’!
There’ll be less stone chips
in windscreens today!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Parking with Mrs Smith!

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parking!Very often on the Internet you see pictures of atrocious parking. I thought these were confined to ‘abroad’ and to the USA in particular. Until yesterday, when I drove into my own home town to be confronted by a home-grown version of extreme parking. So shocked was I that I just had to comment…

Mrs Smith has trouble parking,
some suggest that she is barking!
She approaches the space so fast you see,
one might think she drives a large lo-rr-y!

With squealing tyres she slides right in,
been known to use a litter bin,
to halt her progress as she goes,
and save pedestrians delicate toes!

Other drivers avoid her face,
when she is looking for a parking space,
most just turn and drive away,
don’t want to lose no-claims today!

She’s been rumbled by the council,
“Do you think you’re Nigel Mansell?”
one day soon there’ll be a fuss,
“Might it be time to take the bus?”

With apologies to any ‘Mrs Smith’ who may drive a red car, I use the name in a generic way and not about you or your gender.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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The Heavyweight Crunch!

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CrunchAccidents don’t just happen, so the saying goes. Oh yes they do! How much damage can you do by simply backing the JCB Loadall forklift out of the barn? The large steel weight at the rear may not bend but son-in-law John’s car did yesterday evening…

I heard a slight crunch,
From the cab of the Loadall,
As I backed from the shed,
Slower than Toad of Toadhall.
Johns rear indicator,
In hundreds of pieces,
as if chewed by a rat,
Or twenty small mices!
I couldn’t believe it,
Well fancy that,
Accidents don’t just happen,
They are caused (by me), a prat!

This endorsement has been tried and tested over the years!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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