Watery Weekend Terriers!

Posted on March 9, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Mrs Bard and I spent the weekend on a narrow-boat. Our terriers seemed to like their watery weekend! They were very well behaved until it was time for bed…

Double decker warming, sitting by the fire,
The old dog’s below, the younger is higher!
The old dog then barks, as if there’s an intruder,
The younger starts to yap, is it time for food-er?
But when it’s finally time, to make up the bed,
One ends on the pillow, the other by my leg!
They don’t understand weekends it’s like any other day,
Come early morning, it’s ‘get up now we say!’
I struggle up to let them out so they can shake a leg,
I turn around twice, they’ve sneaked back to bed!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Around Baldock With A Fridge!

Posted on February 27, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Some years ago, author Tony Hawks wrote the book, ‘Round Ireland with a Fridge’ where he travelled the Emerald Isle with a small fridge in tow! The other day I took an old fridge to the local tip. Alas it was closed on Tuesday and Wednesday, so the domestic appliance stayed in the car for two days. I became rather attached to it…

I’m driving around Baldock with a Refrigerator,
Will drop it off at the local tip later!
“Is that a fridge you’ve got there Mate?”
Is a phrase I’ve come to hate!
It’s been to Tesco, Sainsburys too,
It now wants to visit the zoo!
It’s joined me for a takeaway,
Wants to take tea at the Ritz one day!
Didn’t think much to the local park,
Or being left in the car when it was dark!
It then demanded a friend to play,
So I left it at the tip and drove away!

…the car seemed very empty and I was considering going to retrieve it until I found an old rusty barbecue!

Parking with a Toddler!

Posted on February 10, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Have you experienced a miracle, worthy of Lourdes, where a driver parks his car in a disabled bay and walks unaided to the supermarket? Since I’ve been helping mind my two-year old grand-daughter I have met his irritating step-brother: the childless user of the parent and child parking bay…

Wrestling a toddler from a car seat,
Is a task that needs space to make it complete!
You undo the straps and remove from her shoulder,
Then she goes limp, felexibilty of a boulder!
You discover the next door car is too close,
And try to pull the child through a space made for post!
Finally the child is standing by the car,
Your hand has been jammed, later a scar?
Then you notice the toddler parking spaces,
Are full of the childless of all sizes and races!
They’ve done something bad, they’ve made you so wild,
They’ve parked in a space marked ‘Parent and Child’

Dedicated to anyone who has attempted to park in a normal-sized space with an angry toddler on board. May a dedicated space be yours, always!

Delivering Hay!

Posted on February 3, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The hay I made last summer is now being delivered and eaten by horses around North Hertfordshire. In the most part the end users are very pleased to see the supplies arrive and stacked in the barn…

I took hay to a livery yard,
Didn’t have to travel far,
A carefully stacked up load,
On a trailer behind the car!
Russell came to help me,
As I find it quite a strain,
Chucking bales around,
As if 21 again!

The horses seemed pleased to see us,
“Our supplies were getting low,
Come on get those bales off
Then we will let you go!”
As I was reversing out of the yard,
To Russell an old horse said,
“Thank heavens you’re here with that oldie,
He’s unfit and over-fed!”

I stopped the car to remonstrate,
Was calm and polite of course,
When all of a sudden it struck me,
“Oh! Good grief, a TALKING HORSE!”

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Peppa Pig and the Skinny Tyre!

Posted on January 14, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday morning Grand-daughter Bard and I sat watching Peppa Pig while her grandmother popped out to the shops. The episode was all about Grandpa Dog’s garage. Suzi Sheep (Peppa’s best friend), is out in the car with Mummy Sheep when they have a puncture and Grandpa Dog comes to the rescue. Little did I know that Grandpa Bard and Grand-daughter Bard were about to do the same…

“Help! I’ve got a puncture,
The tyre has gone flat,
I was about to do some shopping,
I guess that takes care of that!”
“Don’t you worry Grandma Bard,
We’ll be on our way,
The tyre will soon be changed,
It’ll look like child’s play!”

Arriving at the scene,
We noticed air was missing,
We put our ears to the tyre,
We could hear some hissing!
I searched in the boot,
For a wheel to change,
Underneath everything else,
A space-saver from another range!

But it seemed to fit,
I drove back like a nun!
And we all agreed,
We don’t want another one!
It looked easy on Peppa Pig,
Like falling off a log,
Next time we have a puncture,
We’ll call for Grandpa Dog!

You too can watch this episode here: (http://www.channel5.com/shows/peppa-pig/episodes/granddad-dogs-garage) With thanks to the real ‘Grandpa Dog’, John W. who came to my rescue when I couldn’t remove the punctured wheel from the car!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above  

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Twitter: @baldockbard
 E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

Texting While Driving

Posted on December 16, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Texting while driving costs lives. Yesterday I followed an erratically-driven car during the morning rush hour near Watford (see pic). When the traffic stopped I could see the driver was trying to text and drive. The car then joined the M1 South towards London…

I’m in the car,
Joining the M1,
Traffic’s heavy,
Commuting run!

In the office,
You are late!
Boss is angry,
Discussing your fate!

Driving fast,
Message swapped,
Oh good grief,
Traffic’s stopped………………

Are you there?
No reply
Traffic chaos?
Did someone die?

………………

Please drive with care and make sure you and yours have a Christmas to remember for all the right reasons.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
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The Abandoned Terrier and his Humans!

Posted on November 13, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Mrs Bard ad I sat having lunch in the small town of Holt in Norfolk recently and as we ate we realised we were being closely observed. In a Jaguar car parked in the market place was a very disgruntled terrier. When we finished lunch and walked across the square, he told us his sad story…

Sitting on the parcel shelf,
Of my human’s car,
I’ve been left alone,
I don’t know where they are!

I shall look pathetic,
When they finally return,
So they’ll have to spoil me,
Don’t they ever learn?

I may demand biscuits,
I may demand a bone,
And access to a comfy chair
When we get back home!

He will be contrite,
His guilt will be complete,
He won’t discover for a while,
I’ve peed on the driver’s seat!

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Wheelmarks Across The Land!

Posted on October 23, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

I had a phone call from a neighbour reporting a worrying incident. Apparently someone had driven across some recently-drilled wheat in a straight line until they reached the top of the hill, at which point they chose a diagonal line towards a hole in the hedge. They then turned the vehicle around and returned. I had to agree that this was strange behavior…

“Someone’s driven across your field,
In a Four-by-Four!
They got in through a hole in the hedge,
No wheel marks were there before!”
T’was very muddy where they turned,
At the top of the field,
Will the crop recover,
Or will you lose some yield!”

“That sounds terrible,”
I had to agree,
Didn’t have the heart to say,
The driver – that was me!
During the call,
I withheld a laugh,
I had only been reinstating,
An in-crop local path!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Rural Roads, Rural Drivers!

Posted on October 10, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Nothing angers rural motorists more than joining a long queue behind a slow tractor when the driver refuses to pull in to let them past. Nothing irritates tractor drivers more than having pulled in to let the queue pass nobody acknowledges the act. However sometimes the sun and moon are in alignment and I found myself not only in a jam (not of my causing) but being thanked when I pulled over…

I took my Loadall along the road,
At a paltry 18 miles per hour,
The traffic was really quite heavy,
I knew that some would be sour!
I pulled into gateways, I pulled on the verge,
And much to my surprise,
Almost every motorist thanked me,
I couldn’t believe my eyes…
So I’m going to do it again today!
(only joking!)

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October 18^th
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Fine Before Seven Rain after Eleven!

Posted on October 4, 2014 by The Baldock Bard.

Car boot sales are totally dependent on the weather. Even the slightest shower of rain in this part of the UK will send buyers scurrying for their cars, game over! This season hasn’t been kind on the weather front, when rain has been forecast it has usually been on a Saturday. This has a serious effect on visitors to the sales. At the time of writing it is 05:30 on a Saturday morning, who knows what awaits me down the road…

They’re queuing in a field just east of Baldock,
On a Saturday morning well before seven!
Their vehicles are all full of many surprises,
They’re queuing to attend car boot sale heaven!
The forecasters haven’t done it any sort of justice,
They’re forecasting rain soon after eleven,
Don’t they know that this is Home Counties?
Where it doesn’t rain as much as in Devon!

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Traffic Jam