Category Archives: Traffic Jam

A Farmer’s Idea of ‘An Evening Out!’

Posted on by
Share

Farmer's Night OutThis time of year, when we are busy cultivating on the farm, it is dark by about 7pm. Worried by the threat of bad weather forecast for next week, I decided to put in a few extra hours. Whilst plodding up and down the field my mind wandered and I came up with this verse…

A local farmer, short and stout,
Told his wife, he was spending, the evening out!
“I’ll be back, but it’ll be late,
You could leave some supper on a plate!”
His wife who was neat and uncommonly kind,
Said to him, “I really don’t mind!”
As she knew there was no other distractor,
The ‘Other Woman’ was his tractor!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October 18th
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

The Vantage Point!

Posted on by
Share

The Vantage PointYou can always tell grandparents these days, they are the ones in a town during the week with babies and toddlers in tow! This may seem like a negative. In my case it’s a great positive, having a generational gap between possible combatants increases harmony! However the space taken up by car seats is another matter…

There’s a car seat on the back seat,
‘Iso-fixed’ in place,
To not have the safest,
Would be an sheer disgrace!
There are crisps in the lining,
A child’s beaker on the seat,
The dogs are waiting hopefully,
For a discarded treat!
But when the seat is empty,
The grandchild has gone home,
It becomes a vantage point,
To allow dogs eyes to roam!

*Before anyone suggests that the picture was taken whilst I was driving, Mrs Bard was at the wheel and I used the reverse camera on my i-phone to take the picture from the passenger seat!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October 18th
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

Personal Marketing!

Posted on by
Share

IMG_6945Friend Hazel bought me a present with my name on! She couldn’t find Baldock or Bard, so she had to make do with one of my lesser monikers. Yesterday on the tractor I drunk it! Whilst in the process I thought of how it was possibly the best marketing ploy ever…

Glug, glug, glug goes the bottle,
As I’m driving my tractor,
A smile encased, my dusty face,
Personalisation the deciding factor!

In service stations and shops,
Up and down the land,
You always see, folks like me,
With a bottle in their hand!

However the name might be wrong,
I’ve been Sue, Chantelle and Grace,
But for a while, it brings a smile,
To a strangers face!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

Ra…Ra…Mitsubishi!

Posted on by
Share

Mitsubishi flat battI have lost count of the number of cars I’ve had to jump-start at the Saturday car boot sale. This is mainly because of lights or radio left on, draining the power leaving the car immobile by leaving time. Last Saturday everyone had gone, I’d picked up the litter, returned to my trusty Mitsubishi and it grumbled: “Ra..Ra…Ra….Ra…..Ra……Ra!” Then silence. It has spent Sunday being charged. An eagle-eyed visitor asked if I’d suddenly gone green and bought an electric car…

‘Physician heal thyself’
Is how I felt Saturday,
I was left stranded in the field,
Everyone had driven away!
I asked ‘upstairs’ for Devine Help,
But alas ‘He’ was looking elsewhere,
I hurt my big toe kicking the wheel,
Which made me just howl and swear!

I rang home with a simple request,
Seeing that I was stuck,
And my wife appeared to save me,
T’was was a stroke of luck!
So now I’m off to buy a new battery,
Hoping the new one’s not flat,
And so for the foreseeable future,
At the bootsale I won’t be sat!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

The Missing Keys!

Posted on by
Share

Keys 3008The other day my keys went missing. At the same time I was looking after my twenty-two-month-old granddaughter. At first I refused to believe that the two events were linked. However as time passed she became the prime suspect…

I’ve lost my keys,
Where can they be?
I’m sure I had,
Them here with me!

I came indoors,
I had them then,
I went back out,
To feed the hen!

I went upstairs,
Granddaughter to bed,
For morning nap,
and story read!

I cleared her toys,
From the floor,
Didn’t have keys,
Anymore!

Made a coffee,
Tried to think,
Even looked,
In the sink!

From the basket,
Musical noise!
She’d hidden keys,
beneath her toys!
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

Share

The Last Lap of Harvest 2014!

Posted on by
Share

Harv 2014We are racing the weather fronts again, as we dash to get all the beans from the field into the shed. In the store the beans are so noisy on their journey that noise-cancelling headphones are the order of the day (and Health & Safety requirement!). But from the road the scene is one of tranquility and harmony as the sun sets on another harvest…

There’s something about a combine,
That draws the ‘ooh’s and the aaah’s!’
Commuters back from the office,
Drive past in their company cars!

They don’t see the dust,
They don’t hear the noise,
But swoon at the machinery,
Like grown-up little boys!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

Karma Gets Its Man!

Posted on by
Share

Pavement ParkingSometimes it amazes me the sights you see in town. Just because someone has a shiny new car with personalised plate, it seems to give them authority over us mere onlookers! Sometimes however Karma catches up with them…

I’ve a fancy soft-top car,
I call everybody ‘Mate’
I parked it on the pavement
I was running late!
It blocked the entrance to a shop
Ambulance couldn’t get through
And when I finally returned
The tow truck had been too!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

Air Conditioning!

Posted on by
Share

Heater controlsMy 22-month-old granddaughter is a born fiddler! She particularly enjoys playing with switches and handles. Sometimes with unexpected consequences…

I drove down the road,
On a hot afternoon,
The sweat poured from me,
I thought that I might swoon.
I turned on the air con,
Windows all right down,
It was even hotter,
By the time I entered town!
Just after I parked,
My resolve almost shot,
I looked down at the heater controls,
They’d been turned to HOT!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

Campervan Travels from Number Thirteen!

Posted on by
Share

Camper ParkThere is a house that I’ve known for about seven years that has recently been sold. Part of the landscape of this property is a ‘car-port’, which houses a luxury campervan. Whenever the campervan was missing I used to imagine it’s location. It didn’t really matter if I was right or wrong, as it was never confirmed! However it allowed my imagination free reign as I walked around the shops…

The campervan at Number Thirteen,
Will soon be seen no more,
The house displays a ‘SOLD’ sign,
Outside the white front door!
I wonder where they’ve been?
And will they go again?
Do they like the South of France,
Or maybe prefer Spain?

Or have they travelled further afield,
To Turkey or even Greece,
Or have they been to Katmandu,
To visit a distant niece!
I shall never know where they go,
As soon they’ll be gone for good,
Do the newcomers have a campervan?
I really think they should!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share

A Car Prompts an Embarrassing Memory!

Posted on by
Share

90Isn’t it strange how places and objects can transport you straight back in time to past ‘faux-pas-terribles’. Yesterday I saw a Rover 90 passing and found myself transported back to 1971 and a girl I shall call ‘Susan’ (as the mists of time and depth of shame have erased her name!)…

Susan was fourteen,
Susan was shy,
She looked as if,
Any moment she’d cry!

She came to school,
In a black Rover car,
Which was driven snail-like,
By her old grandpa!

One terrible morning,
In an attempt to look cool,
“If your granddad drove slower,
you’d never get to school!”

As soon as I said it,
I knew I was bad:
“That’s isn’t my grandpa
That is my dad!”

So yesterday lunchtime,
When a Rover passed by,
It reminded me of the time,
I wished I could die!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until October!
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Share