Category Archives: Traffic Jam

The Dangers of Trees!

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treeThis year I seem to have been accident-prone. I have fallen into the river: losing phone, wallet and glasses, Spilt coffee over my trusty laptop and broken my big yellow tractor more times than you could imagine. Last week I pulled hard on a rope which broke, leaving me flat on my back, I should have taken notice of this warning sign…

T’was driving around the farm,
just before lunch,
reversed the car,
something went crunch!
Out I got,
oh! stupid me!
The car had been hit,
by a rather large tree!
It jumped out,
from the hedge,
kicked the car,
on the quarter-light edge.
The mechanic said:
“What will you do?”
I replied:
“I think I’ll sue!”

Please take care out there, it’s an alarming world and Christmas is just around the corner.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Multi-Storey Mystery!

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parkingThe other day Mrs Bard and I went shopping. It was too wet to cultivate and I had to make up for being a disappointing husband. Having visited several shops carrier bags had been filled so in an attempt to gain approval I suggested I take them back to the car in the multi-storey car park…

Once in the lift I put down the bags,
and sighed a sigh of relief,
The lift was crowded with people,
(and a dog-collared vicar called Keith!)
“This is my floor” at three I said,
people moved away from the door,
Alas there was no sign of the car
and the lift had vacated the floor!
So up the stairs I climbed,
floors 4, 5 and 6,
on each floor the search was the same,
any sign of our car there was nix!
Back I went down to three,
and walked up to the end of the park,
and there by another set of lifts,
our car parked in semi dark!
By the time I’d found Mrs Bard,
“Where on earth have you been?
Can you just take these bags to the car?
This time don’t be so long as you’ve been!”

The moral of the tale is to look for the floor number after you park! Or even go cultivating!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Monday Morning Moan!

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child-parkThe other day I went shopping with my 4 year-old granddaughter. Hoping for the miracle of an empty mother/toddler parking space I drove to the front of the car park. Yes! there was a space, however as I’d not arrived in a toy car, space was at a premium…

Arriving to park by the door,
my temperature rose sky-high once more,
a selfish parker had taken up two places,
in the mother/toddler parking spaces.
Looking into the errant-parked car,
I felt the driver had gone too far,
no car seat, no evidence of a child,
made this grandad awful wild!
From the back seat came a small voice:
“We’ll just have to go where there is more choice!”

This just proves that a four-year-old has more sense than me!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Long Queue!

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img_2265The other day Mrs Bard and I joined a queue behind two tractors that lasted many miles. There was no overtaking, even though we passed many places where the two tractors could have pulled in to let the queue pass. This was all the more frustrating as we were in 4th place! When I looked in the rear-view mirror, the traffic behind stretched as far as I could see. Mrs Bard said it was probably a good exercise for me to be on the other side of the fence for a change, a charge I disputed as I always try my best to pull in wherever possible when driving my tractor…

If you’re in a rush,
if you’re in a hurry,
There will be a hold-up,
it’s Sod’s Law – don’t you worry!
It may be a lorry,
it could be a bus,
or possibly two tractors,
you can’t make a fuss!
Sometimes you’re at the back,
sometimes at the front,
when you finally get to pass,
you may curse their selfish stunt!
It is most frustrating,
it is never fun,
but ‘Karma’ gets them in the end,
you’ll never know you’ve won!

I hope there are no hold-ups in your day today and none caused by a farmer. We are only Son’s of the Soil, so blame me!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Dashing Deer!

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deer-jump-picThere are times when a picture isn’t worth a thousand words. The other day Mrs Bard and I were driving down a narrow country road when suddenly a deer leapt out from behind a hedge, and with no regard to the finer points of the Highway Code, ran across the road in front off the car. This was caught on the Dashcam but lacked any Hollywood action…

The Dashcam was ready to capture evidence,
when the deer jumped over the roadside fence,
all the action was ‘caught on card’
claiming for this would have been very hard!
The ‘other driver’ was uninsured,
would have sped off before getting bored,
A simple photo has somewhat masked it,
“What was that? Damn and Blast-it!”
But nothing happened no contact made,
So just a deer picture I’m afraid,
but much relief upon my part,
an un-injured deer did depart!

If you’re driving along a country road, please be aware that you might come across a dashing deer. Please stay safe out there.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Devious Tractor!

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errorsNow my JCB tractor has been mended, it spends its day searching for new ways for me to re-employ those nice engineers that repaired it recently! It has shown it’s irritation with my non-co-operation by displaying a number of spurious warnings and buzzing it’s warning buzzer, very loudly. Frankly, I’m less than impressed…

My tractor really hates me,
It blames me for everything,
From making it work in the morning,
To the loss of another lynchpin!
Every so often it confuses me,
By identifying computer errors,
Yesterday it found 255,
Enough to spread the terrors!
However I knew how to sort it,
Even though attention it seek,
I simply stop and start the engine,
A tractor’s Control Alt Delete!

Today it is in the shed as I leave it to open the Baldock Car Boot Sale. Maybe it’ll have time to consider it’s actions! Have a great weekend everyone and stay safe!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
Last Bootsale this Season – October 15th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Saturday Friends!

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tallsSomebody once asked what made my car boot sale special. I replied that it was rather like the earth: Without people, the earth would be like just another rock in space – the car boot sale would be just another empty field. Last week a couple told me they were emigrating to the seaside. So I took their picture to add to the vast number I have of people standing beside their cars on Saturday mornings for the last 24 years! It has come as quite a shock as to how little I know about this very nice couple, I don’t even know their names…

Mr and Mrs Tall are moving,
to Bournemouth by the sea,
I don’t like to loose good customers,
especially like she and he.
They’ve been coming to the boot sales,
quite a few times a year,
with their friendly disposition,
we’ve enjoyed their presence here.
Lucky old Bournemouth,
new recipient of your smiles,
perhaps we’ll meet again one day,
it’s not that many miles!

Dedicated to all my wonderful customers, whoever you are or wherever you’re from.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
Last Bootsale this Season – October 15th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Staying Lucky!

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img_0490Many years ago there was a seller at our weekly Saturday car boot sales that everyone called ‘Lucky’. Needless to say if something could go wrong, it would go wrong for poor old Lucky. He bought a consignment of lighters, a real bargain, until one very hot day they ignited and burnt his van to the ground. If Orange was the ‘in’colour, Lucky would have invested in red! This fortnight I’ve felt a bit like Lucky. Last week the differential on the front axle of my tractor broke. This week the rear axle tried to divorce the rest of the machine and do the off, leading to very expensive repair #2. However every cloud has a silver lining and my lucky moment was when the tractor collapsed in the yard and not in the field…

If you knew luck,
like I do at the moment,
you’d put life on hold,
call for a postponement!

The poor old tractor,
jacked up in the barn,
this time it’s the rear,
that is cause for alarm.

It’s only a machine,
and nobody got hurt,
I’ll soon be back,
ploughing up the dirt!

You needn’t look far,
to find someone who’s in pain,
and so I think I’m lucky,
…at least it didn’t rain!

Have a good day and STAY LUCKY!
Yet again Oliver Landpower from Luton were on the scene and dealing with the problem in record time. If they continue to offer such great service I may just have to call them the farm’s 4th Emergency service!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Mechanical Twins!

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twinsHurrah! The tractor that was broken is now mended and after a road test, has been declared ‘fit to plough!’ The two mechanics sent from Oliver Landpower, the local JCB dealership, waved their magic spanners and repaired the differential in the front axle quicker than scheduled…

Jonny and Jonny are mechanical twins,
exceptionally good at mending things!
When tractors on a farm break down,
they’re the mechanics you want around.
The JCB is fully functional now,
ready to return to the field with the plough,
The two must have had exceptional training,
they waved a spanner
…and it stopped raining!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Poorly Tractor!

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Readers who read my last posting will remember that when I left you there was something wrong with the JCB Fastrac tractor. A horrible clonking sound was coming from the front axle and ploughing had to be postponed while we awaited the mechanics…

The JCB Fastrac was ploughing,
day-dreaming as JCB’s do,
about a digger called Doug,
and a dumper-truck from Peru!

She was driving across the Savannah,
frolicking in the long grass,
when all of a sudden a pain,
in an instant her daydream was past!

The mechanics who last gave her a service,
looked on with horror at her gear,
pronounced with concern “differential”
“This looks serious we fear!”

She sits in the shed abandoned,
weeping silent tears on the floor,
parts are due from the factory,
so she can frolic wth the plough once more!

With grateful thanks to the skilled ‘Tractor-Doctors’ from Oliver Landpower at Luton, without whose skill I would be left scratching my head with confusion!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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