Category Archives: Traffic Jam

Ye Olde England Roads!

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lorriesYesterday I drove to Newark to collect an aged relative. Virtually the whole journey was on the A1 trunk road and the majority of this was just two-lane dual carriageway. A short stretch, near Peterborough, widened to four-lane. Updating the A1 has been ignored for many years, leading to irritation and frustration…

I come to a hill and there up front,
a dual between two trucks,
both are crawling at fifty-five,
this A1 road just sucks.

The traffic builds up behind them,
in my mirror show,
There should have been another lane,
over twenty years ago.

One is hauling local grain,
the other from Timbuktu,
In the distance I see flashing lights,
an ambulance is held up too.

It’s too late to change the road,
no hope for improvement now,
anti-everything environmentalists
and no European cash-cow!

In years to come visitors to this country will use the term ‘quaint’ to describe our roads. On holiday, holdups give them a greater view of ‘Ye Olde England’ from their coach window.The frustration of professional hauliers and drivers is unsurprising.

*The picture was taken by my dash-cam, no children or animals were used in the staging of this photo.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Swooping Seagulls Follow the Plough!

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seagullsYesterday afternoon I was not alone while ploughing. It was obvious that the Brighton and Hove Albion football team (nickname the Seagulls) weren’t playing as they were all watching me, circling the tractor, swooping and diving onto suddenly exposed worms in the furrow…

Brighton and Hove Albion,
can’t have been playing,
on Sunday afternoon.
Most of their fans,
we’re watching me ploughing
“This free buffet’s a boon!”

“Really don’t like the look of his furrows,
much better on the farm next door,
And judging by the taste of his worms,
His seasoning is very poor!”

All of a sudden at 3:45
the spectacle is over
They’ve all gone
with great aplomb
To watch cross-channel ferries at Dover

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Captured by Dashcam!

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Carcam1Have you ever invested in technology only to find it has a nasty vindictive streak? Like millions of others, we are proud owners of a dashcam. This cheeky little devil sits attached to the windscreen and records hour upon hour of road just in case you need the evidence for a future insurance claim. However this must-buy recorder has a nasty side…

Last Saturday morning,
just after 4.30,
a desperate phone call,
“you should be alerty,
the gate is still locked,
we’re parked on the road,
can you let us in,
to your bootsale abode?”

I grabbed the car keys,
How could I be late?
I’d forgotten to unlock,
the ‘effin green gate!
Later I remembered,
the camera-stored file,
no escaping my guilt,
until ‘delete’ in a while!

Have a great weekend and if you’re coming to the bootsale rest assured that the gate is well and truly open!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Memory Lane!

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2cvI have an admission to make. Many years ago I drove the world’s most boring car at the time, a Citroen 2CV. Looking back, in terms of being trendy, it was the motoring equivalent of a pair of hippy slippers. However, seeing one in a carpark the other day, I came over all nostalgic as I remembered the open roof, micro-engine and play-ground suspension…

I think I liked my 2CV,
it’s a very long time ago you see,
I’d drive long distances with a prayer:
‘No long hills between here and there!’
However when the weather was fine,
I’d open the roof and enjoy sunshine.
In the winter other’s smirked,
because the heater never worked.
Around each corner the little tike,
leant over further than a motorbike!
But in a carpark the other week,
I felt nostalgic for this memory leak!

Have a great day and enjoy the weekend sunshine, a perfect time for a ride out in a 2CV!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Hold Onto Your Hat!

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Bert's HatI was by the road the other day when I filmed an old car driving past. At the time I couldn’t work out what was so special about the moment. Downloading the clip later I realized that very few people these days cling onto their cap when motoring…

Hold onto your hat Bert,
we’re doing nearly forty,
in the days of our youth,
such speeds would be naughty!
Youngsters these days,
have just no idea,
seatbelts and airbags,
never known fear!
You and I Bert,
we both know the score,
I bet they won’t be driving,
when they’re ninety-four!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The i-Share Moment!

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VanHave you ever come across a situation that merits your immediate attention? Was your first thought to whip out your mobile phone and stand in the middle of the road to record the scene without thought for your safety or that of passers-by? In the past I’ve been very rude about amateur i-Film news cameramen. I’m now officially a hypocrite…

Outside an ATM,
a security van was wailing,
“Help! Help!
Security Vehicle under attack,
Please call the police!”
in a computer-generated voice.
But you know how vans can be,
when they are hot and thirsty!
I could see nothing wrong,
the sticker on the back said:
‘Police Follow This Van’
So there was no point in calling them,
as they were already there!
I did what anyone would do these days:
took out my i-Phone,
and made an ‘i-saw-it-and-Filmed it!’
It was only afterwards that I thought,
‘What if it was for real?’
And somebody was in the back of the van
Stuffing money into bags marked ‘Swag’,
Whilst wearing a small black mask,
And a striped jersey.
But all I did was continue,
shopping while congratulating myself,
on some amusing footage,
all the while forgetting the time,
when I condemned those who can’t resist,
whipping out their phone to record the moment.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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The Gathering!

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GatheringTake a piece of machinery out in public, lift the bonnet, and a gathering of mainly old men will probably occur! The other day I visited a museum where they had a vintage bus. A slight misfire of the engine led to a crowd of men gathered to view the problem, a gathering had been instigated…

The vintage bus ground to a halt,
The driver scratched his head,
all of a sudden a crowd appeared,
not mechanics but experts instead!

“I remember just after the war,”
Bert Briggins told the crew,
“I had the very self same thing,
on the A500 just outside Crewe!”

Johnny Junkins quickly piped up,
“don’t you meant the A525?,
I had an aunt who lived next to that road,
alas she’s no longer alive!”

“I think it could be a con-rod,”
Sam Smith interjected with glee,
“or perhaps just a noisy tappet,
some oil would set the thing free!”

The driver switched off the engine,
and took a look up at the sky,
“I think I’ll make a decision,
mine’s a pint, who’s going to buy?”

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk 

The Baldock Boot Sale SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Perfect Plant Carrier!

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PlantsI always like to see people leaving our Saturday car boot sale having had a successful morning. People often ask me: “What sells?” I have to answer truthfully: “Anything that somebody else wants!”. Last week I saw a couple leaving having had a successful buy…

Bob and Jill went looking for plants,
(they’re just back from holiday in France!)
Went along to the Baldock Boot Sale,
hoping that their search wouldn’t fail!
“I like these ones!” said an excited Jill,
“but our small car will overfill”,
“Don’t worry!” said Bob (sounding all aloof!),
“You forget we have a folding roof!”

Have a great weekend filled with laughter, sunshine and friends!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Yellow TR6!

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TR6It is strange how certain objects can resurrect memories that you thought were lost for good. Yesterday I saw a Triumph TR6 sports car parked next to a museum. It took me right back to a journey down the Cromwell Road in London, when my cousin gave me a lift to the now-forgotten West London Air Terminal where you could check in for a BEA (British European Airways) flight…

I seem to remember we were short of time,
I was Scotland-bound by air for the very first time.
My cousin Bruce, then in his early twenties,
Drove me down the Cromwell Road – acceleration plenty’s!
The roar of the exhaust I remember so well,
speeding down the road going like hell!
In those days speed was an exciting factor,
All I had driven was an ancient rusty tractor!
So this glamorous yellow sports car was an instant hit,
Forty-seven years later I still remember it!

I always promised myself such a car, never had one though and I doubt I ever will. The sixty-year-old me now looks for comfort, safety and reliability! Looking back it was probably my only experience of the glamorous Swinging Sixties!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Lost in France!

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La FranceI went into a bookshop yesterday and was shocked rigid. The retailer, possibly prompted by the referendum and the England football team’s defeat to mighty Iceland, had taken a bold step in road atlas retailing…

The road to France is falling apart,
the Tunnel will be kept as a work of art!
Days of motoring abroad on vacation,
will be like visiting a far-off nation.
The French road atlas will soon be history,
no more complicated directions that become a mystery.
“Where’s the map?” a shout of the past,
the wrong direction getting there fast!
No muttered insults from a Parisian waiter,
cheap red wine to throw up later!
Visiting a street market can be such fun,
the brie cooking gently in the midday sun!
Stretched out on a beach in a post-lunch stupor
Sunburnt flesh you’re a Tourist Trooper!
But what is this? I wake up from my dream,
nothing’s changed or so it may seem.
The only difference that I can see,
we’ll be able to stock up DUTY FREE!

To all those heading off on holiday, Bonnes Vacancies and enjoy!

© Baldock Bard 2016

For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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