When visiting a tank museum recently we were lucky enough to be shown around by ‘someone who knows!’ While it was fascinating learning about the development and deployment of tanks down the ages, I found the highlight of the tour was learning what, where and most importantly how, this young man controls this leviathan. Then I realized it’s what you know is easy…

When looking around a museum,
the guide you must always thank,
because in his day job,
He might just drive a tank!
It’s a highly responsible job,
but if he’s pushed too far,
He might give chase at quite some pace,
in his Challenger ‘company car!’

Thanks to RL for showing us around.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Today is St Valentine’s Day. Millions of people around the world will buy flowers, chocolates and champagne in the hope of attracting love. Sometimes love needs a bit of help, especially if you are a purple dinosaur…

Pete the Purple Dinosaur,
Thought it most unfair,
That he had purple skin,
Wasn’t getting anywhere!
Every Friday,
Come wind or rain or hail,
He took the bus into town,
In love he’d always fail.

But today he’s been rewarded,
A card through his door at eight,
From Pam the Pink Plegasaurus,
Could they have a date?
She’s been looking at his profile,
She likes his manly chest,
When you’re a purple dinosaur,
Computer dating’s best!

Wishing you all a very Happy Valentines Day!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Have you ever taken a moment to wonder ‘what did I think at that moment?’ An attempt to remember your thoughts at an important moment in your life? Thirty-seven years ago on the 19th of May, I got married in a small chapel in the little village of Pembrey, South Wales. The picture above shows me with semi-wet hair at the moment we said ‘I Do’.
All our lives are truly unique. We all have sunny days but when the storm hits the only option is to cling together and wait patiently for the sun that always follows rain.
There only one preparation for a life like this: Choose your partner well, choose your best friend.
After all these years I can look back at this photo and know what I was thinking: “I’m so lucky she’s just said ‘yes!'”

© Baldock Bard 2016
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There is a wonderful patch of Cowslips in the middle of the lawn. These fragile-looking flowers appear every year and I carefully mow around them. The other day my mind wandered and I spent an amusing half hour on my lawn tractor considering their name. It just goes to show that little things please little minds…

You’d have thought Cowslips,
ought to be white,
because when a cow slips,
it’s a terrible sight.
I guess its udders,
would be terribly sore,
with gallons of milk,
on the clean dairy floor.
If the dairy farmer,
had a mind that was hazy,
she wouldn’t be Cowslip,
but simply called Daisy!

In memory of a long-gone Scottish cowman called Sam, who taught me much about life and humoured me in my first-ever job on someone-else’s farm at Kimpton in Hertfordshire. He loved his brown and white Ayreshire cows above all else. I hope he’s resting in peace with a whole herd, somewhere beyond the clouds.

© Baldock Bard 2016
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  Recently I watched a small fishing boat unloading trays of whelks in the dark at Wells harbour-side in Norfolk. Whelks are a sort of snail. I discovered that in Victorian times they were the equivalent of our modern-day kebab. Apparently, after a night on the gin, a whelk or four slipped down a treat…

Whelks from Wells,
snails in shells.
Slip well in,
after a night on the gin,

What’s not known,
is how you’d groan,
with realisation dawning,
The following morning!

Have a great week. Go on, be brave, try a whelk today!!

©Baldock Bard 2016
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Hurrah! Jack Frost has called and everything is white at last! It would seem that, for today at least, winter has arrived. I shall attempt to go and cultivate some land, so that when spring arrives, I will be able to get beans and oats planted…

While those who travel up to town,
scrape their windscreens with a frown,
Farmers, their tractors activate,
on a frost can cultivate!
But taking care because who knows,
this time of year frost soon goes,
and in it’s place, may happen yet,
the ground underneath is soaking wet.

Excuse me if I don’t hang around, I’ve cultivating to do!

© Baldock Bard 2016
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Yet another day breaks and the weather is decidedly autumnal. Crops are ready but machines and Thermos flasks lay unused. Barns are swept and waiting for the off but the starter is nowhere in sight! The geese however have found happiness amongst the gloom…

The geese are walking in a line,
they wonder why it’s not harvest time,
they were looking forward to fresh wheat,
their bin almost clear of things to eat.
As yet another day is wet,
very soon they can forget,
because of water they are fond,
as they swim around the flooded pond.
They smile and squawk as they are finding,
that their cloud has a silver lining!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Yesterday my 2¾-year-old granddaughter watched as I took some broken hay bales into the wood. She kept at a safe distance, under her mother’s close supervision, while the task was carried out. While having a good understanding of most jobs on the farm (thanks are also due to her favourite programme – Tractor Ted!), she also has a healthy imagination…

The big yellow dinosaur came out of the wood,
hay fell from his jaws: “that was good,
I’ve eaten all my salad if you please”
Let out an enormous burp, that echoed around the trees!
He strode across the field, saw the little child,
reached out his neck, “I’m really not that wild!
When you are older and you have passed your test,
you can ride with me and wear a fluorescent vest!”
But the child had already lost interest in what her grandfather was doing and was picking wild flowers!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Apparently sherry is making a comeback. No longer is it just the favourite tipple of maiden aunts, the young are discovering its magic powers too. A glass or three can have the drinker telling the tallest of tales, climbing the highest of mountains or even writing the most absurd poetry…

It’s sherry o’clock in Barcelona,
Sherry o’clock in Banbury too,
“Would you care for a small glass of sherry?”
“Why, I really don’t mind if I do!”

Sonia discovered this remedy,
Said “living with Gerald’s not fair!”
Took sherry as her medication,
Hardly noticed he’s there!

A writer had nothing on paper,
His mind was empty they say,
Dispatched most of a bottle,
His best-seller is titled ‘Ole!’

A farmer I know had problems,
Counting his sheep every day,
He now waves at them in the morning,
With a sherry as they munch on hay!

A student had her boyfriend for dinner,
“Have a sherry or two,” she’d trill,
Cleared up into six bin bags,
Now her thesis is off to landfill

*Warning: drinking sherry can alter your vision, some things may appear to be closer than they really are. Serving suggestion only.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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