Sometimes we just need something that makes us smile. Today, 19^th September is ‘International Talk Like a Pirate Day!’ and so I offer you this from a seasoned landlubber. Shiver me timbers, hoist the Jolly Roger and follow the Baaaaard for a little pirating…

“Yo Ho Ho! Me Buccaneer’s
It’s ‘Talk like a Pirate Day’
Me hearty’s need some cheering up
While they ships lie safe in the bay!”

“Don’t spill the grog me Hearty – it’s a landlubber pirate party!”

“We be flyin the Jolly Roger
Lookin for Galleons to flog
We be loaded to the gunwales
An missed them due to the fog!”

“Don’t spill the grog Hearty – it’s a pirate party!”

“We ended up in Baldock
With bagfuls of pieces of eight
We tried both High Street banks
They were closed, we were late!”

“Don’t spill Hearty – it’s a landlubber party!”

“We set sail for the Capital
(right down the A1m)
We broke our mast at Stevenage
Won’t go there again!”

“Don’t spill a party!”

So shiver me timbers!
Cat o’ nine tails,
We’re crap at being pirates
We’ll stick to boot sales!

“Don’t shpill ze grog me Farty – ish a Randfubber pirache parchty!”

By the powers I must thank shipmate Ailsa for reminding me, ye be having a glass of grog on me – Shiver me timbers!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues every Saturday at 7am until October 13th!

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What could be more enjoyable than a pleasant walk through woodland after painting a room? Yesterday we celebrated the unseasonal weather with a ramble through the woods with dogs exploring. The coolness of the shade and the freshness of the morning combined with a fragrance that fabric-conditioner manufacturers could only dream about…

Yesterday after painting we took the dogs for a run
A pleasant August morning with nothing but bright sun
We walked through the woods, the dogs ran on ahead,
A terrier rolled in something that was obviously very dead!
Now our friends have spaniels, who really shouldn’t oughta,
Be walked by a pond, ditch or any kind or water!
Woody, he is ginger, not blessed with common sense,
Took to the water with a splat just by the wooden fence!
The water level was shallow rather like a moat,
He came out with black stuff covering his coat!
Back home in the yard, it was just as well,
The tap was turned on two fowl dogs to ease the awful smell!
Just for a while, of the two dogs we were not fond,
Next time we have a summer walk, we’ll just avoid the pond!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this morning at 7am!

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A key part of harvest is the testing of the grain to ensure it finds the right market. Our Co-Operative, Fengrain, employs students to collect the samples from the farms. In the past, such students were nicknamed ‘Corn Dollies’, but of course this term has become obsolete in these enlightened times…

Katie is a student, studying hard for a good career,
International Marketing, in Leeds (or somewhere near),
How to deal with farmers, the summer she had planned,
As she travels around the regions farms, grain spear tight in hand!
Rebecca, her sister, keeps the samples clean,
I hope she gets some credit, otherwise that would be so mean!
All the samples taken, they head off in the van,
So the results can be formalised, as quickly as they can.
The lab test for Hagberg, stretch-ability of the dough,
Moisture, screenings, protein, all we need to know.
Selling wheat isn’t easy, especially due to rain,
Sampling is a vital part of the food-producing chain!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday morning at 7am!

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Yesterday the insurance company came to remove my burnt-out Isuzu (see Bard passim: http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=1064). When it had gone I took a moment to contemplate, not only what a good car it had been but also what sights it had seen! Maybe I’m getting to be a sentimental old fool but I was sad to see it go…

They came and took my burnt Isuzu away,
It was a sad moment I’m bound to say,
They winched it up onto the lorry,
And all I could think to say was: “Sorry!”
It had been a part of the family for a number of years
The screeching of belts, crunching of gears,
Been up to the North and down to the West,
I began to remember the times that were best:

We once took it by Eurotunnel to France,
A security check was more than a glance,
They opened with haste the rear double-door,
From my coat shotgun cartridges all over the floor!
The supervisor called was not really mad
“You must be a farmer, just like my dad!
Now you’d better be gone or you’ll miss your train,
And don’t you dare bring cartridges through here again!”
Each week it’s takes the loos down to the boot sales,
Lugged loads of furniture all the way from South Wales.
It’s helped move some friends a mile down the road,
Their trailered possessions like a refugee load!
And now it has gone, to be sold off for scrap,
I know it’s a car but it’s been more than that.
It’s replacement may be shiny, showroom-style clean,
But it won’t be the character this Isuzu’s been!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday morning at 7am!

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There are some changes in life that hit you like a brick and some that creep up unnoticed. I have never let food miles question what went into my trolley at the supermarket, or so I thought…

I went to the shop to buy some water,
Because I needed a drink,
And there on the shelf I found a bottle,
That made me step back and think.

The bottle of water was from over the seas,
Ten-thousand miles away,
Takes twenty-one hours and more to get there,
For a litre of water, £1.54 to pay!

I looked at the bottle it was so pretty,
But who was benefiting most?
Did any money filter back to the Islands?
Or just company profits to post?

I went to the website I found by Google
Their H.Q. in L.A. can be found
They help the Islanders through paying for projects
And promoting the water from under the ground.

So it looks as if everything’s OK,
I can drink the water guilt-free.
I have to say it tastes very fresh,
And all that in the end suits me!

© Baldock Bard 2012

For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday morning at 7am!

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‘Inspire a Generation’ has been a wonderful legacy from these Olympic Games. Following on from a group of pensioners who made a short film posted on U-Tube, I decided to try a new sport. While harvesting oats, I looked around the grain store for an idea and my eyes settled on the moisture-testing spear…

The Baldock Bard has been inspired
By the games this year
He’s had a go at Javelin
With a moisture testing spear!

He stepped out from the grain store
And with a wimpy roar
Drew his arm back with all his might
And watched the tester soar!

It flew up over the tractor shed
Its flight was straight not bent
Landed in the heap of oats
And measured fourteen percent!
© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday morning at 7am!

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A gold medal in tennis? Murray has a human side – again? Murray and Robson win silver in the pairs? Has the world been turned upside down? Time to celebrate…

I turned on the TV
I couldn’t believe my eyes
They’ll have to rename the place Win-bledon
What a Gold surprise!

© Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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“I am disgusted to learn…” can be found weekly in the letters column of all local newspapers. It’s always best to check facts first before assumptions are made. This week, one of the busiest ever for Union Jack-waving, French and German flags appeared in Baldock High Street. Before rushing to put pen to paper I checked…

French and German flags fly in Baldock
Colourful against the sky
Various people became concerned
And paused to look and wonder why!

So I rang a local Councilor
Helpfully he explains
That twin-town folk are guests in Baldock
Here to visit the Olympic Games!

He helped to answer all the questions
About our Euro-brothers
The Union Jack flies on the church
(Of course much higher than both the others!)
GO TEAM GB!
You’re Making Us So Proud!
(Medals table Friday Evening 3rd August 2012) 

 © Baldock Bard 2012
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues this morning at 7am!

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Sometimes life is strange! Our neighbour’s sixteen year-old son hero-worships an actor who died sixteen years before he was born – Steve McQueen. The same lad has just taken delivery of a new moped…

Our neighbour’s son has a moped,
He’s recently turned sixteen,
He rides along the highway,
Thinks he’s Steve McQueen!

His favourite film is The Great Escape,
He’s got the poster too.
On his way to college,
He tries to jump the queue!

He nips along the country lanes,
28 mph you see,
Before he appears around the corner,
All you hear is ‘wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!’
© Baldock Bard 2012

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

E-mail: baldockbard(at)u-boot.co.uk

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