I am always fascinated by what appears in an auction room or boot sale stall. The other week in a local auction, lot number 57 was two bricks taken from 221 Baker St, the fictional home of Sherlock Holmes…

I have a friend his name is Mick,
Went to an auction bought a brick.
His charming wife (she’s called Daisy),
Saw his purchase then went crazy!
She shouted the odds and proceeded to cry:
“You bought a brick, just tell me why?”
Mick replied, “I’ll get to the bones,
It’s formerly owned by Sherlock Holmes!”
On hearing this, “That’s a gem,
You bought a brick? We’ve four walls of them!
Don’t mean to be rude with contradiction,
But your bloody brick’s just a work of fiction!”
© Baldock Bard 2012

Bayles Auctions, Norton, near Baldock
01763 281 256

The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!

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BootLine: 07852 707 074
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One of my earliest childhood memories is shopping with my father on a Friday morning. We would leave the farm in our ancient grey Austin pickup and with sheepdog leaping from side to side in the back, head into the local town of Baldock. First stop was always the bank to collect the farm wages. Next came the small supermarket next door armed with my mother’s shopping list and finally we’d move on to Chapman’s butchers shop.
This evening, the Chapman family will close the door of their old butchers shop for the last time after sixty-five years and silence will prevail. Gone for good will be the Saturday morning and Christmas queues with the craning of necks to get a glimpse of the front. Missing will be the collection of African banknotes on the wall, the ever-larger denomination charting the decline of the home economies of biltong and boerewors-buying customers. The small opening in the office window where once cash was passed through to a cashier, will be lost for good having long since been replaced by a chip and pin card reader.
Possibly most missed will be those sounds we only notice when silence takes their place: the hum of friendly chatter, the ‘slish-slish-slish’ of knife on sharpening steel, the unique echoing bang of the heavy butchers knife as it chops down on the wooden block and the familiar unique sounds of not just the entrance door but also the strange clack of the heavy chill-room door, as it slams shut for the last time.
However Baldock is not about to join the ever-growing list of towns where the impersonal, bland and bullying supermarket has the residents all to itself. With the daring-do and fortitude beloved of our island race, the Chapman family is opening new and larger premises on the High Street.

Tomorrow morning at midday, famous chef, countryside campaigner, author and raconteur, Clarissa Dickson Wright will declare the new shop ‘open’.
Yesterday evening I had a sneak preview with David, grandson of founder Charlie Chapman, and I have to say that it is most impressive.
There is enough stainless-steel and gleaming tiles to satisfy even the most ardent health inspector, the bespoke lighting gives a bright and airy feel and the layout of the large sparkling-clean glass counters is both modern, clean and perfect for displaying the quality produce that has become the Chapman family’s hallmark.

In time the new shop will reveal its idiosyncrasies but I can’t help feeling a little mournful at the slipping away of yet another childhood haunt.

To Bob, Eileen, David and Philip Chapman, I wish all the very best of luck.
http://facebook.com/chapmansbutchers

© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues on Saturday!
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

With grateful thanks to the wonderful staff at St Neots Waitrose where shopping is always a joy never a chore.

Have you ever been ‘shopping-wrong’? You know what you have to buy, you may even have a list, but the devil distracts you and you return home with anything but sensible. Mrs Bard despairs of me as I am sorely tempted by displays weighed down with temptation…

Mrs Bard sent me shopping,
To get a thing or two,
“Get something for our supper
What you buy is up to you.”

“What would you care for, dear,”
I asked with great concern,
I’d been ‘shopping-wrong’ before,
You can’t say I don’t learn!

“Anything, whatever, doesn’t matter,
Just do your very worst!
But nothing clothed with batter,
And for heavens sake no Bratwurst!”

Before I went into the shop,
A speech I gave myself,
Ignore the special offers,
Leave sweet things on the shelf!

The devil stood beside me,
As I gazed at a large display,
Anything that could tempt me,
Was Special Offer today!

Twiglets, Wine Gums and Eclairs,
Licourice Allsorts too,
Chocolate biscuits in a Jubilee tin,
All shouting “We Love You!”

I loaded up the trolley,
At home stowed it away,
It’s now hidden in the garage!
We had a takeaway!

© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues tomorrow!
www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 07

Yesterday we had heavy rain for the first time in months. Thinking that our (farmer) prayers had been answered I rushed out this morning to read the rain gauge. My disappointment was complete when I discovered that not only did it show less than half an inch (11mm) but all the drains in the farmyard were blocked! So it looks like the hosepipe ban is here to stay for a few more weeks yet!

Storms over Baldock!

Yesterday’s weather brought hail and rain,
Leaking downpipes and blocked drain,
I had to find my wet-weather gear,
Hadn’t used it for over a year!

My Wellington boots behind some junk,
Contained a dead mouse, how it stunk!
My hat in the cupboard in the hall,
Seemed to now be a size too small.

The papers are full of weather this morning,
‘The wettest April’ shouts their warning,
Along with ‘must expect snow in May’,
Is the hosepipe ban really here to stay?

I took the dogs for their morning scamper,
Had clean forgot the grass was damper.
Mrs Bard shouted, she’s now ‘mighty sore’,
She’s just had to mop the kitchen floor!

I’m in two minds I must say,
As a farmer give me rain, until May.
As for Saturdays, for at least 5 hours,
Fine warm and dry, no chance of showers!

 © Baldock Bard
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074

If I am in a strange town or city I always buy a local newspaper to get the feel of the place. Yesterday I was in a town in Cambridgeshire and picked up a copy of the Cambridge News, a jewel of a newspaper, easy to read with many interesting and well-written articles (please send cheque to Baldock Bard c/o…!). What attracted me to the paper was the lead story of an errant swan that has been attacking people on the River Cam…
I was in the newsagents the other day
When a headline caught my eye
An ‘ASBO Swan’, in the ‘City of the Don’
It’s adventures where and why!

It’s gone from attacking rowing boats
And now attacks rowers too
But authorities say (as is their way),
There’s nothing that they can do.

They’ve carried out consultation,
And visits have caused them strife,
But they don’t know why the swan won’t go,
And find himself a wife.

People are accusing the authorities,
Of too much ‘swanning about’,
But I’ve heard they’ve been given the bird
And will blame it all on the drought!

© Baldock Bard
The Baldock Car Boot Sale’s 20th anniversary season continues next Saturday!

www.u-boot.co.uk
BootLine: 07852 707 074