A Ferocious Passenger!

Posted on August 31, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

One amazing part of running a car boot sale, apart from the people, is that you never know what you’ll find on sellers stalls. I thought that after twenty-five years, 657 sales and over 40,000 stalls, I’d just about seen all there was to see and would no longer view ‘unique’. That was until last Saturday when I dropped by on a stall to collect the pitch fee…

“There’s a tiger in your van,
looking out at me,
I do hope it’s been fed,
not eyeing me up for tea!
I don’t suppose you get,
many break-ins to your van,
I bet the last who tried it,
screamed before he ran!
Oh! it has been fed this morning,
I’m much relieved at that,
next time you may consider,
bring a smaller type of cat!”
This is dedicated not just to two sellers with a great sense of humour, but also to friend Geoff, whose real-life job this week is picking up a real tiger from an airport!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Unseasonal Bank Holiday Weather

Posted on August 30, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This August has seen some quite extraordinary weather, both here and abroad. My grandfather, who died some fifty years ago, always considered August a wet month, ideal for drilling grass seed! However the normal rain-curse of a Bank Holiday failed to materialise this year, despite continued talk of climate change…

There’s nothing like a Bank Holiday,
when the weather’s fine,
a heady mix of friendship,
barbecue and wine!
Then if you’re able,
lucky some might say,
the weather is so perfect,
you sneak another day!
…and make it even harder to get back in the saddle of work!

Thank you to the kind person who e-mailed suggesting my absence from my blog was ‘unfortunate, but probably necessary!’ your concern has been noted!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Saturday Alarm!

Posted on August 26, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning has been all go-go-go! The sheets and duvet ganged up on me and with the help of the alarm clock conspired to make me wake up half an hour late! Therefore the deadline to get down to the field in Baldock to open up the car boot sale had crept too close for comfort. However despite some minor setbacks I seem to have made it on time and thanks to the wonders of ‘Hotspot’ I’m writing these words ‘live’…

The clock in the car says six-eighteen,
I’m almost ready (or should have been),
if I don’t soon open the gate,
there’ll be a chorus of “Ooh, you’re late!”
So I can’t sit here chatting to you,
must get on – ‘Toodle-oo!”

I apologise for the lack of quality this morning, but needs must when the Devil drives. Have a great Bank Holiday Weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

When Giants Meet!

Posted on August 25, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I never know what my topic is going to be from day to day. In fact for the last two days there has been no topic as I’ve been busy catching up on post-harvest paperwork. Driving on a small country road last night, today’s topic pulled out in front of me from a farmer’s field, or rather provided a topic when it met a same-species but distant cousin further down the road…

Two giants met on a country road,
on their travels from field to field.
One politely said “After you my dear!”
the other said “No, I shall yield!”
The hedge on one side seemed perilously close,
the ditch seemed rather deep,
both drivers waved from their high up cabs,
one let out a rather shrill ‘peep!’
Further along I followed Ms Yellow,
Ms Green had gone off to harvest some wheat,
“Do you think my backside looks rather big?”
I replied, “it looks rather complete!”
Then all of a sudden she turned off the road,
strode up a longish farm track,
“Goodbye and Good Luck,” I shouted,
but alas all I saw was her back!
If you come across giants today, smile sweetly and they’ll continue on their way!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Harvest Home!

Posted on August 21, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Last Saturday night at 8:59pm we finished harvest. Harvest 2017 is now consigned to our history as one where we rode our luck and came out the other side relatively unscathed. My faithful Mavic-Pro drone recorded the last harvesting moments, little did I know then that my daughter had taken over driving the combine (under instruction)…

No more beans to harvest in the field,
no more loads to help the yield,
no more bindweed seed in the barn,
no more watching the sky with alarm!
no more listening for the home-coming trailer,
no more “sounds like here comes the baler!”
no more dust masks making sweaty face,
no more dirt lines in the bath to trace!
no more postponed meals at night,
no more worrying if the quality’s right,
no more calls from the combine driver’s phone
We can now say “Harvest is home!”
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Storm Clouds Gathering!

Posted on August 19, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday evening as we were harvesting beans, storm clouds were gathering on the horizon in an attempt to halt our progress. We knew we had been so lucky with the weather this harvest and thought our luck would not hold yet again. So we awaited the cloud’s wrath…

With an almost Gallic shrug of the shoulders,
we shouted “Show us your worst!”
and continued harvesting beans,
awaiting an inevitable cloud-burst!
When it came it was quite pathetic,
a dampening outside the grain store,
hardly a drop down the field,
we had been expecting much more!
So onward we continued to combine,
until we were ready to go home,
the storm had gone away round us,
for all we cared down to Rome!

…then just as we were standing in the shed having a post-harvest beer (to wash the dust down, you understand!) the heavens opened! With such luck I should have chosen lottery numbers!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
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E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Camouflaged Bales!

Posted on August 16, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I drove across the fields to see if the contractors had completed baling the straw. When I came across some oat bales and snapped one with my phone, I was surprised how well they blended into the background. Then I realised ! was just having a ‘durrrr’ moment and perhaps it was time to switch the brain back on…

Hiding in the field,
like a giant’s cereal biscuit,
could you manage one for breakfast?
Would you dare risk it?
They’re off to the power station,
to make electricity,
pulses down some wires,
to light a distant city!
When they come to collect,
I hope they find them all,
or they’ll trick some unwary walker,
and misfortune will befall!

Many apologies for the poor and obscure rhyming couplets this morning, I’m blaming it on the weather! Have a great day and watch out for those camouflaged bales, maybe things will improve when I have my new glasses!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Last Day of the Pirates

Posted on August 14, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

In the mid-Sixties, as a small boy, my mother and father would take my brother and I on a bucket-and-spade holiday to Frinton in Essex. The town was famous for it’s ‘nothing-happens-here’ quality. One of the few things I remember from those holidays was the sight of two ships, three miles off the beach, with very tall masts.
It was on this day 50 years ago that the Labour government of the day saw their law banning these ships come it force against the will of millions of listeners. The so-called Pirate Radio stations were outlawed and replaced by a lacklustre state-owned copy in the form of BBC Radio 1.
I have often wondered what those who suffered the seasickness, supply shortages and foulest weather that the North Sea could throw at them think of their legacy – radio that is bland, identikit and soul-less, a far cry from their days on the high seas…

Its left to wonder,
what these pioneers,
think of their legacy,
after fifty years!

Who could ever forget the jingle: “Wonderful Radio London!”

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Last Oats!

Posted on August 12, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

After a delay in harvest of four rain-soaked days, we finally managed to get back to the field and combine the last of the oats. This mornings picture shows the moment the drone captured the topping-up of the last trailer-load from the combine yesterday afternoon. Now all we have left to harvest is the beans which aren’t ready yet…

The last of the oats are in the bin,
my ‘white-strawed’ harvest is now in.
All that is left 86 acres of beans,
(not the sort found in High-School canteens!).
Up to the last, luck was here,
clouds always present during harvest this year.
I wish other farmers sunshine not showers,
so their wives can see smiles, not endless glowers!

I hope you all have a warm sunny weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Emptying The Barn!

Posted on August 11, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

It is at this point in the farming year that I start to get nervous. The wheat has all been harvested and lorries start to take the wheat from the farm. All of a sudden the heap diminishes and doubts creep in as to whether there is enough to fulfil the contracts that I signed back in January when the plant was no higher than the toe of my wellie. Yesterday we loaded 180 tonnes and suddenly there is an ominous echo around the barn…

Eight loads of wheat have gone,
there’s space now in the barn,
Two-hundred and forty tonnes,
I have a sense of alarm!
‘Will there? Won’t there? Be enough?’
a little voice says to me!
and all that I can say in return,
“We shall just have to wait and see!”

If you’re sending grain away today, I hope you have no rejections or moisture claims! It also looks as if combines might roll again today.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Ye Olde British Customs

A Ferocious Passenger!

Unseasonal Bank Holiday Weather

The Saturday Alarm!

When Giants Meet!

Harvest Home!

Storm Clouds Gathering!

The Camouflaged Bales!

The Last Day of the Pirates

The Last Oats!

Emptying The Barn!