Pondering the Precipitation!

Posted on August 10, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

When I opened the curtains this morning something was wrong. It was then that I realised it was August 10th and it wasn’t raining! As soon as I was dressed I went out to the rain gauge. The result was greater than I’ve ever seen before, an amount usually found in parts of Wales, the West Country and Scotland. The lawn has grown so much I could crop it for silage and a new lake has shown up my laziness in not clearing a blocked drain…

An inch-and-a-quarter of rain has fallen,
according to my rain gauge,
a new record precipitation,
for this climate-change age!
The ducks and geese are ecstatic,
they can’t believe their luck,
as for the combine in the field,
I think it may be stuck!
Maybe we’ll continue harvest soon!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Raining Stopped Play!

Posted on August 9, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

The Combine-driver’s dog wonders when she’ll be back in her dry cab!

It’s August 9^th and it has rained for two days on-and-off now. Farmers are kicking their heels and wandering around the house getting on the nerves of their nearest and dearest. Driving anywhere seems to take them past the field where the rain stopped play, however unlike a cricket test match, there are no covers over the playing surface…

It’s been raining cats and dogs,
pouring from the sky,
farmers looking up to the clouds,
shake their fists and wonder why
it’s raining so much in August,
when harvest is early today,
“August is a wet month”
Grandfather used to say!
you can blame it on Global Warming,
or on the round full moon,
whatever is to blame,
I hope summer returns and soon!

Meanwhile across Southern Europe the ovens of Hell are at full steam, There’s nowt so strange as weather!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Lucky Farmer!

Posted on August 8, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday it rained on my parade! We were on the home straight of our harvest and had just about 20 acres of oats to finish when the heavens opened (there are also 80 acres of beans which aren’t yet ready to harvest). I was, as the media would have said ‘visibly upset!’ However when I considered how much wheat is left on other farms, I put my self-pity back in the drawer and felt sorry for others…

On the floor in the shed,
a heap of wheat not yet bread!
Outside the fields are stubble now,
awaiting patiently the tractor and plough!
Twenty acres of oats still wait,
for a return of summer – another date!
The happiest in the rain is a mallard duck,
and this old farmer who can’t believe his luck!

Picture taken with a Mavic Pro drone inside the shed, perilously close to the roof, but I managed not to crash!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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God’s Perfect Harvest View!

Posted on August 7, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This has been a strange harvest, I have ridden my luck almost every day in one way or another and unusually come out the other side smelling of roses! We have had the strangest of weather, one day it rained on one side of the farm and not the other and local farmers have been stopped while we continued. Yesterday I had fine minutes to spare and put up the drone…

From my drone the fields look like corduroy,
the massive combine a mere toy,
the tractor and trailer minuscule,
everything looks peaceful as a rule.
From up here on high the dust isn’t seen,
a perfect rural idyll scene,
so today I’d like to share with you,
God’s own perfect harvest view!

Have a great Monday wherever you are and whatever you’re doing!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Spanner Before Hammer!

Posted on August 4, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Sometimes when things go wrong I find I have just enough knowledge to fix a problem. There are also times when I have not enough knowledge to be useful but enough to be dangerous! This week has been a case in point. When we started the grain elevator in the store (a series of cups on a long belt that lifts the grain vertically to a conveyor that feeds the bins) there was something wrong. The belts were pulling to one side. Unfortunately I decided I could fix it…

Up in the roof of the grain store,
a job I’d never attempted before,
the belts of the elevator weren’t running straight,
a scrunching noise as on the side they scrape,
Not much time to effect a repair,
harvest delayed by rain to be fair,
a bearing to replace – ‘a piece of cake!’
that is when basic errors you make.
So far it has taken quite a few hours,
a simple repair beyond my weak powers,
I should learn to leave things as they are,
not hammer, before spanner, before the crowbar!

There is no fool like an old fool, I will have to admit defeat and call in someone who knows!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Farmer’s Painted Nails!

Posted on August 2, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday, while grabbing some lunch between the arrival of loads of wheat at the store, I let my four-year-old granddaughter use her nail varnish set on me! Not being a regular user of such things, it was only later that I realised that I was stuck with painted nails for the rest of the day. Going over to see the contractors who were baling straw, I had forgotten this as I pointed out the fields…

“Did you see the farmer’s painted nails?
Never seen that while baling bales!
My sense of amazement never fails,
must be something in the water!”

“He doesn’t belong with alpha males,
looks are about minor details,
I hear that he writes daily tales,
pity his poor granddaughter!”

Thanks to the Big-Bale crew for not noticing, although it was probably enough to keep you amused for weeks! Last night I discovered the joys of nail varnish remover!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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It Can’t be Raining!

Posted on August 1, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

All of a sudden we are in harvest! The combine is plodding up and down the field, the grain cart is rushing to and fro filling the store and one eye is firmly fixed upon the dark clouds that encircle the farm. Then the worst case scenario – it starts to rain. However there is an old combine drivers saying…

‘It can’t be raining,
if you ignore the wipers’,
the sun is hiding,
behind storm clouded vipers!

I find myself carting,
wheat to the barn,
there is rain on the windscreen,
I shriek with alarm!

All of a sudden,
the precipitation gone
such a good job,
I didn’t turn the wipers on!
…and then my son-in-law, John, arrives back from holiday in France and jumps straight on the tractor. Good luck twice in one day, it could be my lucky harvest!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Lonely Combine!

Posted on July 31, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

The last few days have shown little evidence of summer. Frequent showers have meant that harvest for some has been a damp, stop/start affair. Farmers have to wait until wheat is dry enough to store or sell and the magic reading on the oft-sworn-at moisture meter is 15%. A neighbour’s giant green combine has spent a lonely weekend in a half cut field. More combines have been abandoned in fields this weekend than if there had been a zombie invasion…

Like a giant feeding animal,
chained on a far too short tether,
the Class Lexion combine,
is awaiting dry weather.
Abandoned when the storm hit,
the driver dashed to the farm,
leaving it alone and abandoned,
Harvest stop-start with alarm!
Fast forward to this morning,
with moisture meter they’ll go
pray for a good reading
and harvest will flow!

Whatever your harvest is, whether behind a desk or in a field, have a good one today!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Early Morning Sky!

Posted on July 29, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

It is strange how some mornings the weather forecast leads to expectations which then don’t materialise. I was expecting pouring rain at 04:30 this morning. I had convinced myself that the early alarm call would be wasted and instead of running my car boot sale, I’d be able to slope off back to the confines of the warm duvet! The sky told a different tale…

I love the early morning sky,
it fascinates me, heaven knows why!
It holds such promise in many ways,
a glimpse of future happy days!
The forecasters promised heavy rain,
a wash-out boot sale, what a pain,
opening the curtains I look out and see,
a wonderful sight facing me!
Hardly a cloud stains the view,
everything is dry, the morning new,
and I can’t slope back off to bed,
but face a dry sunny day instead!

Whatever you’re up to today and wherever in the world you find yourselves, may you enjoy your day and stay safe.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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A Slice of Wedding Cake!

Posted on July 27, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Last weekend I went to a family wedding in Devon. Having been berated by one of my foreign readers for writing about the journey and leaving the main event uncommented, I thought I’d better see what I could do. Writing about such an occasion will never do it full justice (unless it runs to 7,324 pages!) and so I offer you a slice of wedding cake…

The bride went to the altar,
to wed her handsome man,
the forecast talked of showers,
but all went according to plan.
The reception in a marquee,
a very British affair,
Thought I’d spotted Hugh Grant,
turned out he wasn’t there!
The father of the bride,
delivered an emotional speech,
the guests all toasted everyone,
again for glasses reach!
The photos were full of smiling,
with sunshine all around,
some high heels on the lawn,
seemed to dig into the ground!
Over in the corner,
awaiting rain from heaven,
a line of colourful brollies,
vital accessories in Devon!
“My Lords, Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding and raise a glass (or mug!) to Robert and Rebecca, and wish them a wonderful, long and happy marriage; Robert and Rebecca!”

I must just mention the brides mother who sang the first dance. It was truly amazing and had every guest on their feet applauding. One of the most remarkable and emotionally-charged performances I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing.
Also a big ‘Thank You’ from me to the ‘Northern Crew’ who were so friendly towards a ‘Southern Softee’ and were a true pleasure to meet. May we meet again sometime. BB.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Ye Olde British Customs

Pondering the Precipitation!

Raining Stopped Play!

The Lucky Farmer!

God’s Perfect Harvest View!

Spanner Before Hammer!

The Farmer’s Painted Nails!

It Can’t be Raining!

The Lonely Combine!

The Early Morning Sky!

A Slice of Wedding Cake!