Servicing the JCB!

Posted on July 1, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

During harvest, when it’s all rush, rush, rush and the weather could turn at a moments notice, breakdowns are unwelcome! As my level of mechanical expertise is similar to pre-school Applied Science, I call in the experts. This week Johnny arrived on the farm to prepare the JCB Fastrac for the coming onslaught…

Johnny wears gloves that are JCB Yellow,
when servicing the tractor, clever fellow!
His service van is yellow too,
(not Massey red nor New Holland blue!)
He pours new oil (nice and clear),
climbs around the tractor like a mountaineer!
Ready for harvest along with the trailer,
now less likely to breakdown or be a failure!
Apparently some have started harvesting barley already. Thankfully our harvest looks at least three weeks away. Have a great weekend and I’ll see you on the other side.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Where Are The ‘Effin Keys?

Posted on June 30, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday morning everything happened at once and due to a small oversight I went into full panic mode! They say that sometimes you can’t see the wood from the trees, this time I couldn’t see the forest from my drone! However like most panic events, all was well in the end and yet again, I earned myself the title: ‘Wotta Plonker!’…

Tanker came to fill the tanks,
for tractor, house and car,
I couldn’t find any tank keys,
though I searched near and far!

At the same time Johnnie,
was servicing the tractor,
and a chemical delivery,
a complicating factor!

I rushed around the house,
Like a chicken with no head,
swearing about everyone,
and an unknown I called ‘Fred!’

Then searched in my office,
including the untidy floor:
Guess where I found them?
…in the house back door!

Thanks to the driver from Conquest Oil, Johnnie from Oliver Landpower and the Agrovista driver for not panicking and dealing calmly with the situation! This morning peace reigns. No deliveries, no servicing and the yard is quiet…aaaah…and breath!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Holding Up The Traffic!

Posted on June 29, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Often farmers are criticized for holding up the traffic with their tractors. Many contractors these days drive their machines large distances and incur the wrath of motorists. Despite never travelling more than two miles on public roads, I always pull in at the nearest opportunity so as not to let a queue build up. Recently I pulled in to let cars pass and understood the reluctance of some tractor drivers to pull over …

I drove my Loadall down the road,
pulled in to let cars pass,
but the whole of my exercise,
turned out to be a farce!
Out of twenty-two cars that passed me,
(I’d held up for not one mile),
not one driver put up a hand,
not one thanks or nor even smile.
So next time they can wait and queue,
(I never drive that far)
they can wait, they can bate,
for ignorant they are!

For all my ranting I shall probably continue to pull in and simply not expect any recognition!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Watering a Round Garden!

Posted on June 25, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

On Saturday morning at 6am in Baldock, as I put out my direction signs for the car boot sale, I came across a man watering his plants from a mobile tanker. Folk met at that time on a weekend morning seem to always pass the time of day in a pleasant way. I crossed the road and we chatted a while…

Bob has a round garden,
in the middle of the street,
his flowers planted in rows,
so they are always neat.

Early Saturday morning,
he waters them with a hose,
his wife is also a keen gardener,
her name, of course, is ‘Rose!’

Have a great day and may your plants flower with vigour!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Lucky Chip!

Posted on June 24, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Chip ‘resting his eyes’ by the Aga!

In early December 2002 we had a dog run over on the main road. Our other dog was bereft and unconsolable. So we went to a rescue centre to look for a companion for her. There was one particular dog, a Jack Russell Terrier called Chip who had been un-homed for over a year because he had problems. Apparently he didn’t like children, other dogs or cats and wasn’t particularly fond of humans either! He had a doggie-psychiatrists report to back this up that stretched to many pages. However, despite his documented problems, there was something appealing about him and we asked if we could take him home. The supervisor advised us that we’d have to wait until we’d had passed a suitability visit before we could adopt him. When she came out to see us and saw the farm, woodland, large fenced-in garden and met the family, she simply had this to say: “Lucky Chip!”
For the next fifteen years he was very much part of our family. The report had been utter tripe: he loved other dogs, adored children, ignored cats and gave nothing but love to all humans! In short, apart from the ability to constantly moult his coat, leaving all surfaces with a constant reminder of him, he was the perfect dog.
On Friday, in his eighteenth year, when he had finally stopped eating, had trouble drinking and his back legs were on the verge of giving up, we took him on his final journey to the vet. Amidst flowing tears, we said our goodbyes and then laid him to rest in a sunny spot of the garden that he loved so much. I only hope we gave him as much as he gave to our family and friends, both human and canine.
He was ‘Lucky Chip’ in so many ways.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Farming Factor!

Posted on June 23, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I had just put the last bales of freshly-made hay undercover in the lean-to shed when the heavens opened with heavy rain mixed with hail. Sometimes I have not been so lucky and have been sat in the tractor cab watching the un-baled hay receive a biblical soaking. Yesterday morning I was in the barn when the drumming on the roof announced the break in the tropical weather we’ve ‘enjoyed’ for the last few days…

We all have luck
in many a way,
particularly needed,
when making hay.
Many a time,
I sat on the tractor,
watching hay ruin,
it’s the ‘Farming Factor’.
This time I’ve been lucky,
six days in a row,
I sometimes forget,
crops need rain to grow!

Have a great day and take care out there.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Welcome Visitors!

Posted on June 21, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday we said goodbye to our last group of London school visitors to the farm this season. They were wonderfully behaved, attentive and seemed to enjoy the wild moments that we can give them! they collected sticks, feathers and even bones to take back with them on the coach…

Bone collectors and souvenir hunters,
went striding through the wood,
excitingly chattering
and silent when they should!
We didn’t see the deer,
and the wolves were not around,
but often heard the shout,
“look what I have found!”
Often a clash of sticks!
just like the Knights of Old,
the weather was scorching hot,
so often it is cold!
So thanks to all the visitors,
who came to learn and play,
we hope you come again,
thanks for making our day!
Thank you so much to all the visitors from W.G. for truly making our day in-between bouts of making hay!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

A Good Hay-Making Year?

Posted on June 20, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

It is very easy to make bad hay. Even when the weather is perfect the task is covered in pitfalls and ruination is just around the corner! After all haymaking is not rocket science: first cut the long grass, turn it so that it dries through and then bale it and put it in the shed. I have made so much bad hay in my life that I’m surprised that I still attempt the unpredictable job…

Yesterday I fetched out the ‘Hay-Bob’,
where it had lain since last year,
I attached it to my trusty tractor,
everything normal did appear.
Then the grease gun made an appearance,
to make sure everything moved so well,
into the field to turn the grass,
hay-making Heaven or Hay-making Hell?
The sun shone brightly like abroad,
it wasn’t like Baldock here at all,
the grass wilted perfectly, so unusual,
I kept waiting for the inevitable fall.
Then I spoke to my father,
he reinforced my hay-making fear:
“The worst hay can always be made…
in the very best hay-making year!”

Have another perfect hot hay-making day and may you not wilt like the grass!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

One Man Went To Mow!

Posted on June 19, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I went to mow some permanent pasture for hay. Like me, all of my hay-making machinery is old and knackered! It is also stored well away from the more modern machines so as not to spread a general air of malaise or rebellion amongst cultivators and other more frequently used machines…

One man went to mow,
went to mow a meadow,
took the mower from behind the shed,
and went to mow the meadow.
He greased up all the grease points,
checked the blades were sharp,
climbed inside the tractor cab,
took the handbrake out of park!
Up and down the field he went,
the air-con was on cold,
the dust was all outside the cab,
not like days of old!
Now the field is fully mown,
“Where’s the hay-bob metals?”
just then he spied the headstock,
poking above the nettles!
So tomorrow I’ll be turning hay,
the meadow is all mown,
if anything goes wrong in turning,
the fault will be home-grown!

Have a good day and be sure to make hay while the sun shines!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Retired Baler!

Posted on June 16, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Twenty years or so ago I bought an old baler for £100 from a local farmer. I baled about 400 bales a year, not many but just enough to make it worth the while. Yesterday I fetched her from her resting place, attached the tractor and put some ‘test bales’ through her. Sadly time had run out and a knotter was broken beyond repair, a great shame as I really enjoyed baling…

My fifty-year-old baler’s broken,
I think beyond repair,
I fetched it from the nettles,
it had been resting there.
I didn’t expect a lot from it,
hadn’t used it for two years,
but when it refused to tie a knot,
it reinforced my fears.
Maybe I’ll try the welder,
spare parts not in stock,
failing that perhaps a visit,
to the local Baler Doc!
But I fear it’s terminal,
the old girl’s out of time,
her baling days are over,
and so alas are mine!

…Just when it is perfect hay-making weather!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Ye Olde British Customs

Servicing the JCB!

Where Are The ‘Effin Keys?

Holding Up The Traffic!

Watering a Round Garden!

Lucky Chip!

The Farming Factor!

The Welcome Visitors!

A Good Hay-Making Year?

One Man Went To Mow!

The Retired Baler!