Farm Welding Prowess!

Posted on June 15, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

There are many types of welding: Mig, Tig, Gas, Arc and mine! I was taught in evening class over forty years ago and my instructor would be turning grey if he could view my prowess now! To be good at welding you need three things: practice, practice and practice. Despite practising for all those years, metal I weld is held together mostly by luck…

I needed to weld the cultivator,
I’d broken it back in the spring,
I’d found some suitable metal,
now I needed to mend the damn thing!
I clamped the metal together,
having ground the edge to a shine,
If the repair looked unattractive,
I’d deny that it was mine!
I attached the stick to the holder,
put some thick gloves on my hands,
attached the negative electrode,
and proceeded with my welding plans!
Through the mask it was hard to see,
the spark made me jump with surprise,
at the end I expected a straight weld,
I couldn’t believe my eyes…

I’d missed the repair entirely,
and blown a hole in the steel,
my overalls were singed and smouldering,
the mess I was in was surreal.

…I’ll have to wait until someone who knows what they are doing can come to my aid! I was obviously never meant to be let loose with a welder!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 25 YEARS!
It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY MORNING!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Bard-I-Net!

Posted on June 12, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Down at my Saturday car boot sale people are always very generous. Over the twenty-five years that I’ve been running it, I’ve been given many gifts, however none quite so aptly named as the one from friend Eric last Saturday…

At the boot sale on Saturday,
Eric gave me a gift,
one that was unlikely
to cause any rift!
“I’ve got you a small present,
a plastic bottle of drink,
it’s name is quite apt,
tell me what you think!
Some mornings your verse,
could do with support,
drink when you’re writing,
may help with your thought!”

Thanks Eric! I’ll bear that in mind! Have a great Monday, may you all stay well and stay safe.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The End of the Tunnel!

Posted on June 9, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

After a night of electoral surprises, we are left with an uncertain future. As a nation we have always coped with uncertainty, it’s given us an excuse to link arms and go forward together. Many years go I had an idea for a natural tunnel of greenery over a footpath on our land in order to make the walk slightly unusual. While it hasn’t quite worked out as planned, I’m quite proud of it! Perhaps it is a sign for the future…

When we built a bank,
to stop the cold winter draught,
we planted some bushes,
beside the footpath.
I’d hoped for a tunnel,
through which walkers could walk,
I sort of achieved that,
and made people talk!
Sometimes in life,
when the future’s not clear,
let it work itself out,
something will appear!

Whatever way your election went, let’s now pull together and see what happens!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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We’ve Gotta Crop!

Posted on June 8, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Two months ago, following an April with no rain, our oat crop was heading for disaster. It was thin, yellowing and prospective yields were at rock bottom. This was so plain to see, that during a school visit, an eight-year-old from London asked me how I hoped to grow a crop in rocks (the clay soil had dried out completely). Suddenly rain in the last month has changed the picture dramatically and I am looking forward to harvest…

The Oats are green and thick as well,
the rain has saved a harvest from Hell,
this farmer’s happy, this wasn’t planned,
the rain has made a green and pleasant land!
I only hope the rain will stop,
when we come to harvest the crop!

Have a good day, things sometimes turn out better than expected!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Rainbow Timing!

Posted on June 7, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

With my limited experience with a camera I have always found it difficult to capture the perfect rainbow. I end up either too early or just too late having missed the perfect photo. My effort yesterday evening after a heavy storm was just about ok! Rather like life, it’s all down to timing…

If you’re in the right place,
at the right time,
perfect picture,
perfect rhyme!

Wrong place,
at the wrong time,
the photo’s crap,
useless rhyme!

So may your day,
include the former,
perfect rainbow,
after a soaking stormer!

Have a great day and may you always have rainbows rather than storms.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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D-Day

Posted on June 6, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

According to historians, the run up to June 6th 1944 was accompanied by horrific weather. We must be grateful that the weather cleared, or who knows what the outcome would have been. This morning we were due to have 30 school children from London to visit the farm, the forecasted 40mph winds have led to the trip being postponed…

By 10:30 this morning,
excited voices would have filled the shed,
but alas this stormy morning,
silence rules instead.
They would have discovered,
the feel of linseed, oats and wheat,
and where their breakfast comes from,
to make their day complete!
Then they’d walk through the woods,
discovering as they go,
but the wood is silent this morning,
apart from planes shuttling to-and-fro!
But a postponement isn’t a worry,
(we’ve not had one before)
would have been more disasterous way back then,
…in nineteen-forty-four.

Thinking of all those who made the ultimate sacrifice on D-Day so that we may have the freedom we all enjoy today.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Suitcase!

Posted on June 2, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

I love browsing in remainder stores. I find that more than anything else it serves to remind me how we all have very different tastes (a wonderful thing otherwise we’d all be the same!). In my search for a stand-out item, I recently came across some suitcases that got me thinking…

Steve and Alice had been away,
seven whole nights in Montego Bay.
Flying back at the dead of night,
luggage carousel caused a fright!
So many bags all the same,
they searched for theirs only by name!
Steve then had a great idea,
solving the problem suddenly clear.
For Alice’s birthday he bought a case,
no more searching would they face.
Alice let out a dreadful groan,
now he travels on his own!

Wherever you’re travelling today, stay safe and enjoy yourselves.

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Power Cut!

Posted on June 1, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning we are going to have a ‘Planned Power Cut’. Unfortunately this will result in the burglar alarm sounding. This will send one of our dogs racing upstairs to rip clothes off hangers and chairs or out of the washing basket. It is planned not to last too long and once the power returns then the performance with the dog will move onto ‘Take-Two’ and clothes will be scattered once more…

We’re about to have a power cut,
where the lights go out the fridge goes ‘pffut!’
They’re sawing branches by the power line,
by late this afternoon all will be fine.
For six and a half hours I mustn’t forget,
my computer’s shut down – no internet!
One good result from all this saga,
we’ll be able to cook on our ancient Aga!
It’s all as easy as falling off a log,
and it’ll exercise our neurotic dog!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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A Roadside Discovery

Posted on May 31, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

There are times, in this ‘post-look-anything-up’ world, when the smallest of events or discovery can make your heart sing. We have become so used to digital discovery that we can be startled when we find something in the real world we haven’t seen before. Yesterday our agronomist David reported the discovery of a tiny orchid growing on a roadside verge while he was walking from field to field inspecting our crops.
The Bee Orchid is one of nature’s greatest mimics, its petals look like female bees to a male bee and therefore as he goes to get friendly with his ‘mate’ he pollinates the tiny flower… They say that we humans with our technology are clever.
For once the beauty of this tiny flower has left me speechless. So a picture (worth a thousand words!) will have to replace verse this morning.

Have a wonderful day and remember that sometimes the smallest of discoveries can make your heart sing with joy. BB

© Baldock Bard 2017
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The Good in People

Posted on May 30, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

In these strange and uncertain times the kindness and humanity of people is often overlooked. However look at any incident, either national or local, and you will spot ‘Helpers’ Ordinary people who, rather than look away or gawp, do acts of kindness to help. An incident at the car boot sale I organise last Saturday, reaffirmed my faith in human nature…

A man called Dennis went to the boot sale,
as he does every week without fail,
looking around for some paint,
he began to feel quite faint.
All of a sudden he found himself down,
collapsed out cold on the ground.
Up jumped some helpers from their stall,
(didn’t know the collapsee at all),
put him in the recovery position,
“At the boot sale is there a Physician?”

The ambulance drove its way through the crowd,
it’s sirens occasionally quite loud,
took Dennis to Stevenage A&E,
now he’s better and bright as can be.
It just shows that there are good people about,
their deeds not broadcast with a shout,
at a boot sale, in the street, anywhere,
ordinary people who really do care.

With my heartfelt thanks to those who rushed to help. I don’t know your names or where you are from, but if this somehow reaches you, I just want to thank you so much for your acts of kindness. Dennis is much better and will be looking for you on Saturday to thank you in person. BB

© Baldock Bard 2017
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Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Ye Olde British Customs

Farm Welding Prowess!

Bard-I-Net!

The End of the Tunnel!

We’ve Gotta Crop!

Rainbow Timing!

D-Day

The Suitcase!

The Power Cut!

A Roadside Discovery

The Good in People