The Barley Mow Lane

Posted on May 11, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

One of the advantages of doing form-filling for the EU’s Basic Payment Scheme is that you visit those often overlooked, but beautiful parts of the farm. One such place is Barley Mow Lane (TL2731, 5940, WO12 Woodland 0.2439ha, in case you were wondering!). Years ago, this wooded track formed the walk from the farm’s cottages to the local pub. Dis-use due to nobody employed on the farm, cars conveying the thirsty to places afar, closure of the pub in the late seventies and cottages sold off, means it has reverted to a magical small piece of woodland…

Tommy, Bill and Paul,
were in the pub’s darts team,
they’d walk up from the cottages,
double-tops were their dream!
The hard work of the day,
washed away with many beers,
dominoes and companionship,
and the echoing of ‘Cheers!’
Now the track is silent,
Nature has taken its course,
very few now visit,
except sometimes on a horse!

All was peaceful until the farmer arrived with his drone!

© Baldock Bard 2017
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2017 Season
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The Heron!

Posted on May 10, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Whenever I see a heron by the water’s edge on the river, I always think he is silently making fun of me! He stands there all aloof, passing judgment as we rush around keeping to our hectic daily schedules. I don’t suppose he’s even bothered about us; he’s probably just wondering what he’ll have for lunch…

The old heron stood on the river bank,
“I’ve seen some stuff,” he said,
“By being tall I’ve seen ‘em all,
it’s never gone to my head!”

“I’ve lived on fish all my life,
neither cow nor pig have I tasted,
no microwave for the time it saves,
no cooking time is wasted!”

“I watch you humans rush about,
no time to stop and stare,
I see you pose in your fancy clothes,
while I stand in my underwear!”

Dedicated to all Herons. May your fish be plentiful and your waters peaceful.

Top of the Form (fillers)!

Posted on May 9, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Despite heading for the fire-exit of Europe we still have to fill in forms. At the moment we are fast heading for deadline day for BPS from the RPA (Basic Payment Scheme from the Rural Payments Agency). These are pre-populated forms containing last years cropping information (completed forms with field and crop sizes that may or not be correct and may contain at least one random field from Cornwall or similar). The only way to avoid a stinging penalty is get out the measuring wheel and start from scratch with uncertain field and crop areas…

I pushed my measuring wheel around the farm
It caused humour (and a pain in my arm!)
A man out walking said: “you make me laugh,
don’t you know the size of this ancient footpath?”
I told him “I’ve got to check you see,
field sizes are right for the EEC!
It’s form-filling time and if they’re wrong,
the ensuing penalty could cost me a song.”
He then said, “What on earth are you like?
a typical farmer – only half a bike!”

BPS almost done, just one or two areas to check! If you’re form-filling today, may your head be clear and your glasses clean!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Early Morning Sleep Depravation!

Posted on May 7, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Last Saturday I was surprised to find a large queue of sellers awaiting me at the car boot sale. It was silly-o-clock in the morning, a time most sensible people have never seen at the weekend! A late arrival, some hours later, who still found a space, suggested somewhere they could go…

Before half-past six on Saturday,
they queued for the car boot sale,
some had been there for over an hour,
in case their pitch for a pitch should fail!
Someone suggested that they should,
possibly later this week,
buy a comfortable mattress,
or specialist counselling seek!

Have a great week and savour those extra minutes stole in bed after the alarm has rudely interrupted your sleep!

My Farmer Failings!

Posted on May 5, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Amongst my many failings, Mrs Bard has one big complaint. Whenever we drive somewhere I’m always looking over the hedge to see what other farmers are doing! From “That doesn’t look a very good field of wheat,” to “That crop looks far better than mine!” Passing a tractor on the road begs the question (sometimes unspoken!) – “What’s he doing? Where’s he going?” Farmers can’t help it although apparently counselling can sometimes help…

If a farmer has a drone,
you’re in the garden with only socks,
he won’t be looking at you,
just at his neighbours’ crops!
If you see a naked knight in the bathroom,
without his suit of armour,

You can take a farmer from the farm,
but never remove it from a farmer!

Have a great day and stay safe. Picture shows Case Quadtrac and Lemkin cultivator – only saying in case you’re interested!

Pan Overboard!

Posted on May 2, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

On the Bank Holiday Mrs Bard and I were invited to go on a short cruise on a river by some friends who own a posh cruiser. While eating a rater fine piece of cake I made a mess on the Wilton and the dustpan and brush went into action. Unfortunately while giving the crumbs to the fish, an accident occurred…

Up went the cry:
“Pan overboard!
it can’t swim,
Oh my Lord!
Attention Captain!
Stop the boat,
it can’t swim,
perhaps it’ll float?”
By swift action,
I’ll not forget,
the pan was saved,
by Annette!

Have a great week and if you’re boating please take care

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

Nature’s Confetti!

Posted on April 28, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This time of year we have fleeting moments that mostly we miss in our hurley-burley lives. The daffodils hang their dying heads and the snowdrops are a distant memory. Their places taken by bluebells in the woods and blossom blowing on the wind…

It looks like there’s been a wedding,
on our drive today,
where everyone threw confetti,
as the happy couple went away!

On the trees are Nature’s bouquets,
perfect for the bride,
to walk down the aisle,
with her intended by her side.

But if you look closely,
no bridal party came this way,
just blossom from the trees,
as in the wind they sway!

Have a great weekend. If you are getting married may happiness fill your day.

The Disappointment of Rain Gauges!

Posted on April 27, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Like a small child waking up on Christmas Day, I rushed out to my rain gauge this morning to see what the clouds had left me in the last 24 hours. The result was like getting the train tracks from Santa, with optional station and signal box, but without any rolling stock! However the forecast suggests ‘Light Rain Showers’ from 2pm until midnight…

The disappointment in my rain gauge,
will haunt me all day long,
just 2 millimetres (or an eighth of an inch),
is neither right nor wrong!
I suppose it’s just a case,
of farmers being satisfied,
with what we’ve got (not a lot!),
and accept the weather’s not on our side!
…But there’s is always hope for today!

If you’re looking forward to a sunny day, I hope you find it. However if you spot some rain-bearing clouds, please send them my way (but NOT for Saturday!).

Mr Bunn’s Big Bag!

Posted on April 26, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

Throughout my farming career there have not been many years when we haven’t used fertiliser from Bunns, an old established company from Norfolk. While waiting for the spreader yesterday, I contemplated the wonderful advancement of the big bag that makes my job of carting to the spreader from the barn so easy. I the days of my youth the man doing the same job used to have to handle 1cwt (50kg) bags by hand, a back-breaking task…

Years ago a Mr Bunn,
said to his wife: “let’s give farmer’s fun!”
They sat in the kitchen with a bottle of Tizer,
“we’ll sell them small bags of fertiliser!”
So for years they made farmers sweat,
(and praying for rain but not too wet!)
After the couple had enjoyed a good laugh:
“Let’s go down a different path!
We’ve made them panic, now let the sweat run,
we’ll fill a bag that weighs a ton!”
Every year it’s easier for me,
they didn’t take into account my JCB!

With many thanks to Bunns and all the fertiliser manufacturers and sellers for initiating a quiet revolution un-noticed by most who drive by our farms.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
2017 Season
EVERY SATURDAY!
until mid-October
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

April Showers?

Posted on April 25, 2017 by The Baldock Bard.

This has been an extraordinary month. April showers have failed to materialise and fertiliser that should have been applied in late-March still sits in the shed a month later. The urea needs moisture to activate it otherwise it just evaporates and no nutrients reach the plant. Luckily we farm heavy clay soil that is well known (and often cursed!) for its moisture retention properties – mostly it’s either hard as rock or wet as muck. This year, despite the dry conditions it is ‘friendly soil’, however I could still do with some rain…

Like passengers at a bus stop,
bags of fertiliser wait in line,
they’ve been queuing for a month,
waiting all this time!
We can’t blame the weather on Brexit,
Trump or even Le Pen,
we want absent April showers,
would help the crops no end!
They say you can’t please a farmer,
no wonder they curse and shout,
lack of rain when needed,
will arrive when the combine’s out!

…despite some slight drizzle yesterday evening, this morning the sun shines like a summer’s morn! Oh well, the one thing nobody control is the weather, so I might as well sit back and enjoy it!

Baldock Bard

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