Category Archives: Ye Olde British Customs

Disappearing Snowdrops

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Snowdrops are always such a welcome sight. When they first appear they offer hope for the new year and signal hope that spring is coming. When they are on the way out they look rather sad as their job is done for another year and other flowers take their place. Their role as talisman is one of sacrifice as the gardener anticipates fetching the mower from the shed…

The snowdrops that grow upon the lawn,
are starting to look rather forlorn.
Not long now they’ll disappear,
only to return next year.
Who knows what strife or joy there’ll be?
I guess we’ll have to wait and see!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
2017 Season
From April 22nd to mid-October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Special Trip!

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My son-in-law John (seen above with his favourite implement!) and his family have gone away in their camper van to celebrate a very important day. Daughter Marsya spent hours deciding which dolls (‘babies’) to take (I fear that she included the one that drinks and leaks!). They are now in their snug little ‘home away from home’ somewhere in the Midlands…

It’s son-in-law John’s birthday today,
it’s a big one I shouldn’t say.
Let’s just hint it rhymes with ‘naughty’,
as well as ‘sortie’ and of course ‘sporty!’
For his birthday with banners unfurled,
in the camper van to Dinosaur World!
No lie-in for daddy today,
“Here’s a doll it’s time to play!”
We wish you hours of a special ‘mirth-day’
and of course a ‘Happy Birthday!’

Happy Birthday John, hope you have a truly happy day.

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com


The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Dinosaur at the Cinema!

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Yesterday morning at breakfast my granddaughter and I were discussing dinosaurs (as one does!). Being unable to consider anything serious before at least ten o-clock, I began to feel that my additions to the discussion were not being valued. Her eyes rolled and comments like “be serious, that’s not true” and loud tutting echoed around the room…

Never sit behind a dinosaur at the cinema,
they block your view of the screen.
They slurp away at their bucket of drink,
and splatter you with ice cream!
They roar with disapproval at baddies,
sigh at the romantic slushy part,
suddenly a very rushed exit,
run out of time in the car park!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Hibernating Hornets!

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The other day I was splitting wood on the log splitter. Part of the tree that I was splitting was rotten to the point where the wood under a part of the bark could have been described as being ‘earthy’. It was in one of these sections that I discovered hibernating hornets. This discovery led me to ponder my previous meeting with these vicious insects…

Many years ago on the island of Malta,
A young cadet’s future did nearly falter.
Out on the range grasping a sub-machine gun,
I didn’t see the hornet but was stung on the bum!

“Safety catch off” was my last fainting shout,
as I slid to the floor I had passed out,
The machine gun on auto I didn’t hear,
As bullets screamed past the surprised sergeant’s ear!

So when I found hornets while splitting firewood,
I dispatched the hibernators, as I knew I should.
To safeguard my family when in front of the fire,
no guilt did I feel remembering that ancient live fire!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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non-P.C. Pancake!

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Yesterday was Shrove Tuesday, here in the UK (and possibly where you live too?) it was also Pancake Day. While we rarely eat them at other times, we make up with pancake-gluttony on this particular day and they are my granddaughters firm favourite. One such day, when our children were small, while I was out on the snowplough, my mother-in-law spent over an hour at a pancake production line feeding them and many of their friends who could not pass the farm drive due to the depth of snow on the road. Everyone has a different topping, Personally I await a visit from the Politically-Correct Diet Police…

In my defence it’s just once a year,
a family tradition at that!
But on my pancake I have Golden Syrup,
I plead guilty as to the fact.
A little lemon to add some bitter,
some butter – guilty again!
But under ‘mitigating circumstances’
it’ll be a year before I do it again!

…and today’s another day!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Tuesday Morning Panic!

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Tuesday mornings always involve some element of panic as Mrs Bard and I are responsible for a school run. Years ago when this was an everyday occurrence it posed no threat to order. However as now I’m fulfilling grandfatherly duties it spells panic as I rush around, although the hens on the farm don’t understand…

“There he goes a-rushing round,
don’t see his feet touch the ground,
if he were like us he’d know,
to take life gently as we go!
He’s let out the dogs, rushed up the drive,
very soon his charge will arrive.
The geese and we, wait patiently,
will we get breakfast? We’ll wait and see!”

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Not Racing Green!

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Many years ago I drove a Citroen. It was bright green, as bright as you could get in the mid-seventies. It may have been a strange colour but you could always find it in a full car park. Recently I saw a rather more expensive car in almost the same colour, it took me back in time…

If I bought a Bentley,
what colour should I have?
Doesn’t want to be garish,
don’t want to look a Chav!
British Racing Green,
is what is suggested,
that is for old men,
recommendation is rejected!

I could go for black,
old fashioned and demure,
or possibly russett brown,
the colour of manure!
Then I saw my choice,
on a Citroen 2cv,
and all at once I knew,
bright green was just for me!

I took it to a bootsale, 
parked in a grass pitch (large!)
They thought I had no car,
perfect camouflage!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Tony and Doris!

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We had some friends to stay. One of them had served time at a college for journalists in the seventies near the town of Harlow. We decided to share his reminiscences and visit some of his old haunts near Sawbridgeworth. Strangely enough this included a rather attractive pub. Suitably refreshed we made an acquaintance with Doris who was just passing at the time…

When sharing varied memories of a student past,
others in the room just see today!
Journalistic recollections make a good article,
papers are now free no need to pay!
All of a sudden in the middle of a sentence,
the lights in the bar began to blink,
out in the car park leaves began to rustle,
“Is that Storm Doris do you think?”
Hightailing it back to Baldock reminiscence over,
trees on local roads begin to fall,
roads are impassable media is excitable,
Have things changed? He doesn’t think much at all!
Hope you have a great weekend untroubled by wind!
If you want good food and great service and you’re in the Sawbridgeworth area, why not try The Thatchers, Hatfield Heath, CM22 7DU? We did and we’ll go back once the wind has dropped! https://www.thethatcherspub.com

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Yeti Generation!

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I have noticed that amongst those newly-retired of my generation there is a tendency to drive a make of car that thirty years ago would have not been considered. The new darling of the Sixty-plus is the Skoda Yeti. Nearing retirement, get your order in now…

We’re the Yeti Generation,
we remember better times!
Sunny summer days,
and poetry that rhymes.
Now many are retired,
we enjoy a scotch and soda!
And of course its obligatory,
we have to drive a Skoda!

Pensions at the ready folks, follow the trend to the Czech Republic!

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com
The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Spring Cleaning!

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I’m often being asked, ‘What do you do during the winter?’. One important job is to deep-clean the grain store. Once this is done it can be inspected and we can be ‘Crop Assured’. This means every load of crop that leaves the farm can carry a ‘Crop Assured’ sticker on the paperwork. That load will be traceable, at any stage, back to this farm and the customer can be assured that I’ve done things right and followed all the rules…

For the last few weeks,
we have been,
giving the grain store,
its annual deep clean.
First we sweep,
then sweep again,
not a bad job,
during winter rain.
Elevators, tunnels,
conveyors too,
all have to be clean,
almost as new!
Then it’s inspected,
to make sure it’s clean,
and we can sell crops,
so traceability’s seen!
So that’s why my hair looks so grey, it doesn’t need colouring, it’s just dust. (That’s my explanation and I’m sticking to it!)

© Baldock Bard 2017
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: simon.holtom@btconnect.com

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK AFTER EASTER
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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