Category Archives: Ye Olde British Customs

Out with the Spade!

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The Press at Sunset!

The Press at Sunset!

Sometimes in farming everything goes well, this is normally the prelude for a disaster! There is nothing more soul-destroying than blocking up disc-wheels when cultivating after a period of uninterrupted flow. The machine has lulled you into a false sense of security and well-being and then ‘Wallop!’, the large steel discs at the rear block up with mud! On our clay soil any wet patch will bring forth the claggiest lumps that you’d have trouble separating from a carpet! There must be a scientific application…

Things are going well,
you’re working the land.
That’s time for everything,
To get out of hand.
You drive through a wet patch,
chancing your luck,
the disks stop turning,
They are blocked up!

Out of the cab,
grab spade and a bar,
it’s worse than it looks
the worst blockage so far!
Some time later,
It is now dark,
You’ve chipped out some soil,
have you made your mark? 

You try moving again,
How far, will it go?
You soon discover,
The answer is No!

So it’s out with the spade…!
blocked© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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The Difference ‘Twixt Grass and Wheat!

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deer4JPGOne of my favourite occupations is to sit at the window, look across towards the wood, and watch wild deer graze the meadow. The other day, (just before the Mavic drone nested in a tree), I was watching a small herd of deer grazing wheat. This was in a field that used to be temporary grassland in an environmental scheme. So despite the damage I cannot be cross as they obviously thought I’d re-drilled a different type of grass…

The deer took no notice,
of the buzzing drone above;
it might just as well have been Santa,
or a peaceful collar-dove!
They just continued munching,
on my emerging wheat,
I was torn between,
admitting joy or just defeat!
They are such peaceful creatures,
who wander through our farm,
they seek shelter in our woods,
I’ll not do them any harm.

The only reassurance I repeat:
Please eat my grass and not my wheat!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
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From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
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Old-Man Planned!

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DCIM100MEDIADJI_0096.JPGI was filming with my drone the other day (before it nested in a tree) and ended up with a picture of a small spinney on the boundary of our farm. Because it nestles in the valley it mainly goes un-noticed unless you’re either working that field or driving up the single-track road beside it. However it has family history…

We have a little spinney,
on the boundary of our land,
once it was a ‘Chalk Pit’
it’s being was ‘Man Planned’
In the Sixties, my father,
planted up this piece of land,
So that I can always say,
it’s ‘My Old Man Planned!’

If you have a chance to leave a man-made legacy for future generations, grab the opportunity with both hands. It’s an opportunity that few of us get and no matter if you are gone and your name is forgotten, your legacy lasts. Go on – be daring – plant a tree before your day is done!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
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From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
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The Long Queue!

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img_2265The other day Mrs Bard and I joined a queue behind two tractors that lasted many miles. There was no overtaking, even though we passed many places where the two tractors could have pulled in to let the queue pass. This was all the more frustrating as we were in 4th place! When I looked in the rear-view mirror, the traffic behind stretched as far as I could see. Mrs Bard said it was probably a good exercise for me to be on the other side of the fence for a change, a charge I disputed as I always try my best to pull in wherever possible when driving my tractor…

If you’re in a rush,
if you’re in a hurry,
There will be a hold-up,
it’s Sod’s Law – don’t you worry!
It may be a lorry,
it could be a bus,
or possibly two tractors,
you can’t make a fuss!
Sometimes you’re at the back,
sometimes at the front,
when you finally get to pass,
you may curse their selfish stunt!
It is most frustrating,
it is never fun,
but ‘Karma’ gets them in the end,
you’ll never know you’ve won!

I hope there are no hold-ups in your day today and none caused by a farmer. We are only Son’s of the Soil, so blame me!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
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Rainy Days and Mondays!

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rainbow-23Do you sometimes find that Mondays can be tough when you’ve been away? This morning I shall probably have to jump start myself in order to have any chance of achieving anything. It doesn’t help that my prayers have finally been answered in the weather department, showing up leaking gutters and blocked drains…

Monday morning work again,
dark dank morning pouring with rain!
Last month I prayed for raindrops to plop,
now I fear it won’t know when to stop!
Just shows ‘be careful for what you ask’,
for nature may take you to task,
so looking towards the sky refrain,
from shouting loudly: “Where’s my rain?”

Have a great Monday, just ignore the rain, it’s my fault, I’m sorry! Have a rainbow to brighten your day!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
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In The Digital Darkness!

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darknessFor the last eight days I have been in IT darkness! Mrs Bard and I rented an apartment in a Norfolk seaside town and I couldn’t find a way to attach my Macbook to the wifi. My iPhone would only find a signal through an outstretched arm on the balcony and there was no postbox in sight. So those who foretold of my untimely demise are to be disappointed, I am back…

I cannot believe I’d ever feel this way,
with no means of communication on holiday,
but when I got used to having no signal,
I had time to read upon my Kindle!
Mealtimes had no interruptions,
no viruses worms or other corruptions!
Wherever we went in this iPhone nation,
people were texting with no conversation!
Youngsters sat around cafe table,
clicking and clacking – speech not able!
Now I’m home I have to say,
I was most relaxed on my i-Free holiday!

With thanks to those who e-mailed to enquire about my general state of health, I hope you all enjoy a relaxing weekend.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

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Fields of Brown!

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Photo from new DJI Mavic Drone

Photo from new DJI Mavic Drone

By this stage in the autumn an arable farmer’s fields should be green with winter wheat. Ours are still brown (when seen from the drone). The lack of rain has postponed emergence in parts of the fields and we were desperate for rain. Having had almost no decent rainfall for 66 days the heavens opened overnight…

Putting out the puppy,
early in the morning,
I wondered why my hair was wet,
without a hint of warning!

Then I realised with a shock,
the rain was pouring down,
I almost danced a jig right there,
in my dressing gown!

16 millimetres in the gauge,
that’s a good start for ten!
I grabbed the naughty puppy,
and went back to bed again!

091116© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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On The Doorstep!

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bootsI wonder what’s on your doorstep these days? There is unlikely to be a milk bottle in a carrier with an adjustable number to show pints needed from the milkman. it is also doubtful that there is a boot jack and scraper as we all live antiseptic lives, with car-carpet to house-carpet on nice clean concrete. Our farmhouse doorstep can be shambolic…

They’ve been for a walk I see,
discarded wellies, A-B-C!
They are left where they fell,
will they be removed who can tell!
But it’s a sign,
we all can see,
our daughter’s family,
has come to tea!

…and it’s a wonderful sight! If you have visitors today, enjoy!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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Urgent Upgrade For: Daughter App!

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matiParents who have downloaded the app: DAUGHTER, are advised to install this latest update. This includes a short guide to dealing with a new virus that could turn your lovely, beautiful, charming darling into a snarling spiteful monster when a particular ‘software’ request goes unheeded…

Various methods to diagnose the presence of ‘WANT PUPPY!’ in your daughter:

  1. Drop the word ‘PUPPY’ into conversation …Observe reaction.
  1. Unveil picture of ‘PUPPY’ …Observe reaction.
  1. Check internet browsing history for ‘PUPPY’ …Observe reaction.
  1. Check cellphone for message including ‘PUPPY’ …Observe reaction.

Don’t fall for light discussion regarding ‘PUPPY’, it is dangerous and could lead to…

THE NEXT STAGE

These vital signs shouldn’t be missed:

  1. The Plea: “Can we go and see a PUPPY?”
  1. The Excuse: “We don’t have to have the first PUPPY we see!”
  1. The Bluff: “We’ll just be looking at PUPPY!”

It is important that before you go to “just look” at PUPPY you check for unusual signs:

  • For the first time ever there is a hidden blanket in the car and snow is not forecast for the next few months.
  • Tins of food with PUPPY on the label have appeared in the cupboard next to the breakfast cereal.
  • PUPPY MONTHLY suddenly appears on the mat alongside the daily newspaper.
  • The neighbours have started erecting a dog-proof fence.
  • The council sends six men in high-vis to attach a dog-poo bin to the lamppost outside your house.
  • Old newspapers have been hoarded in the garage rather than being put out with the recycling.

Ignore these vital signs at your peril as ignorance could lead to…

THE FINAL OUTCOME…

You find yourself with

ONE OF THESE…

puppy…A PUPPY!

It’s cute, it’s soft, it’s charming and lovely… just like your daughter!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Last Hurrah Before Winter!

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DCIM100MEDIADJI_0066.JPGYesterday late-afternoon as the sun was going down I realised that the colour of the trees had suddenly turned autumnal. So out with my trusty drone and up to the wood behind the farm. In the golden light of sunset the differing colours were magnified to give a most unusual view…

The golden light of sunset,
plays upon the wood,
the changing leaves of autumn,
look quite unlike they should!
We’ve grown up to think one way,
that all the leaves turn brown,
before they disengage,
and float gently to the ground.
Sometimes we don’t take notice,
of views around our home,
sometimes we need a different view:
the view from air by drone!

Enjoy the Autumn colours around, the last ‘Hurrah!’ before Winter.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
BACK NEXT YEAR
From April to October 2017
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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