Category Archives: Ye Olde British Customs

Terminus 2066!

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PaddingtonThe other day I went down to Paddington Station in West London to collect an aged relative. On my way to spend 30p at the conveniences I looked up at the roof of this ancient monument to mass transit solutions. It led me to wonder what lay in store for rail travel in the future and which of our present customs would remain…

Will there still be antique stations,
when trains are supersonic?
Will platforms remain the same,
some arrival times still chronic?

Will the guard still blow a whistle,
even though trains automatic?
Will we alight in London,
next stop the Adriatic?

Will commuters pack like sardines,
on their way to Town?
Or will the work come to them,
still in their dressing gown!

Will it still hold a child’s wonder,
an open-mouth gasping stare,
I hope it’s still spectacular,
even though I won’t be there!

I consider myself very fortunate that I walk to work and don’t squeeze into a over-full carriage with other city-bound commuters. So for me the excitement of a train journey remains something special and reassuring in this ever-changing world.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Wholesaler’s Bargain!

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Rain GuageThe last two days have been the grottiest start to June that I can remember and customers of mine want to know what I’m going to do about it! Every week I get at least six phone calls to ask what the weather is going to do at my Saturday Car Boot Sales. Unfortunately I don’t have a direct line to ‘Him Upstairs’, despite what some might think. In order to forestall some of the detailed metrological questioning i sometimes pretend I have visited my wholesaler…

Someone rang and asked me,“Mike,
what do you think the weather’ll be like,
next weekend, because I’d like you to tell,
if it’ll be dry at the boot sale to sell”

I told him that ‘I’m not Mike’,
wasn’t really sure what the weather will be like,
but I had been down to the local wholesaler,
Salt of the Earth, was a deep sea sailor!’

‘Have you some dry Saturday’s for sale?
there are none on the shelf as far as I can tell.’
He replied with a Sea-Salts refrain,
“I’ve only a second hand weekend from Spain!

However if you want at a price that’s right,
a Hebridean week, cool dry and bright!”
I told him I’d take the Spanish weekend,
or my customers will think I’m around the bend!

Have a great day and if you notice some sunshine lurking around, please put it on a bus send it it my direction, I’ll pay the fare on arrival!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Bank Holiday Leftovers!

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SaladMy mother always did the washing on a Monday. Without fail the washing line would be full    by nine-o-clock at the latest and the ancient hoover would be roaring it’s way around the house. This morning my memory has failed me as I can’t recall what happened on a Bank Holiday…

This Tuesday doesn’t feel like Tuesday,
you could call it Monday-lite,
it doesn’t feel like the start of the week,
something’s just not right.
Perhaps the only answer,
go back and start again,
then it may go back to normal,
and start to pour with rain!

Apologies for the ultra-low verse rating this morning but my mind is stuck in Bank Holiday mode and I can’t find the jump-leads!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Four Horsemen!

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IMG_6287It is strange how one person’s antique is another persons bin-fodder. I noticed an extremely unusual bronze decorative item on a stall last Saturday, picked it up, took a photo and quickly replaced it on the stall…

The Four Horsemen of the Bootsale,
didn’t do anything for me,
I just took a photo,
then gave then back you see!
But someone had spotted me,
thought I knew their worth,
made a splash with a handful of cash,
and dashed off wracked with mirth!
The stall holder was delighted,
with this unexpected sale,
“Could I please repeat again
as my tactics seem not to fail!”

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale

SG7 6RD

is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!

Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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My Bargain Hunt!

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Bargain HuntDo you ever pretend you’re in a TV show when you’re going about your daily life? Perhaps when you drive to work you pretend you’re the subject of one of those numerous fly-on-the-wall police shows or Top Gear? I prefer something more sedate when walking around the car boot sale or in an antiques shop…

I don’t have long to make my selection,
for my very own ‘Bargain Hunt’,
I reject the well-worn teddy bear,
when you press it there’s a grunt!
Quite a nice antique vase,
has a certain ‘je-ne-sais-quoi!’
but I think it’s over-priced,
would probably drop it on the way to the car!
So many items have caught my eye,
(most of them don’t even rhyme!),
so I go to the pub for a pint,
leaving my Bargain Hunt ’till another time!

Of course the most bargains are to be found on a Saturday at the Baldock Car Boot Sale (see below!)

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Nature’s Bridesmaids Dress

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IMG_6204We have a wonderful Flowering Cherry in the back yard. Despite being out of view of most visitors to the farm, it is the most wonderful example of this tree that we have. There is also a fine example in our local churchyard, however despite being perfect for weddings, it’s finery is over very quickly…

The Flowering Cherry wears a bridesmaids dress,
as if at a wedding,
doesn’t wear it very long,
as soon it will be shedding,

Once it lies upon the floor,
confetti covered ground,
be forgotten for anther year,
like the dress it’s cupboard-bound!
Blossom 2If you’re off to a wedding this weekend, have a wonderful time!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Busy Shop!

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Busy ShopYesterday afternoon Mrs Bard saw a giant construction kit in a store. Priced at only £20, it seemed to be the perfect imagination-fostering toy for our three-and-a-half year old granddaughter. By teatime they had made a shop which my granddaughter named her ‘Busy’ shop…

In our kitchen is a ‘busy’ shop,
there are things to buy,
we’re already looking,
for the remote controller for Sky!
There are assorted items,
for sale to my wife and me,
let’s just hope I have loose change,
or there’ll be no coffee!

If you have children, hide this from them as I don’t want to be blamed for lost car keys, pets or food! Have a great day and enjoy imagination (even at your desk, why not sell a colleague something of theirs!).

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Bill and the Pill!

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BillHave you ever tried to medicate a cat with a pill? It would be easier to give a hungry tiger a morsel of meat by hand while jumping up and down on a Pogo Stick! It is one operation in life that has no recipe for success…

We had a cat,
his name was Bill.
always refused,
to take a pill.
We’d wrap it up,
in delicious meat,
he’d turn up his nose,
refuse to eat!
We’d go gently,
not scream and shout,
he’d look at us,
and spit it out!
The little devil,
sensing something fishy,
went and hid,
on the Mitsubishi!
In the end,
(between you and me),
we claimed success,
with Dairylea!

If you have to medicate a cat today, good luck and keep those bandages within arms reach (for you, not the cat!)

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Suited after Booted!

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Suit after BootIt is strange but nobody recognises me if I happen to dress up! The normal remark is “you can scrub up smart when you want to then!” Last Saturday I snuck away from the car boot sale and retrieved the suit out of the wardrobe. In no time I was ‘Suited after Booted’…

Saturday lunchtime to a party,
Was under orders to dress up smartly,
On with the suit, on with the tie,
with dark glasses to sight rectify,
because my clear glasses are in the river,
looked like a mobster, made me shiver!
So if you see me looking smart once more,
I may just be a doorman on the door!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Dirty Stop-out!

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Stopout1Do you ever have one of those mornings when you wake up and have no recollection what happened last night? This morning I woke up late, had a groggy head, eyes not working properly, limbs aching and with little memory of last night! I knew I wasn’t home until way past eleven…

My memory’s been wiped,
my RAM is low,
I woke up late,
no get up and go!
I seem to recall,
getting in after 11,
hot corned-beef hash,
my foodie heaven!
I make a coffee,
it wasn’t a wedding,
I now remember,
Fertilizer Spreading!
Stopout2With thanks to JR for giving an old man an unexpected late night out!
If you are planning a late night, I wish you fun, laughter and joy (without fertilizer!)

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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