Category Archives: Ye Olde British Customs

The Eye Test!

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Eye TestYesterday I went to have my eyes tested at my ever-faithful opticians (also known as Allders in Letchworth!). This was a must following my un-planned dip in the River Great Ouse on Saturday evening (see: http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=8281), when the fish became proud owners of my glasses (phone, car keys, wallet and bank cards). However not only was my stiffness on Sunday morning a sign of my advancing years, but a further reminder arrived on the way back from my appointment…

On the way back home a concern I voiced,
something missing from my glasses invoice,
The insurance said I could claim the rest,
but not the cost of my eye test.
I was looking down at the Allders bill,
something missing stopped me still,
I had to ring “Has a mistake been made,
for my eye test, no bill I’m afraid.”
There was silence on the other end,
methinks they thought I was around the bend!
and in a voice – the answer was risky:
“there is no charge – you’re OVER SIXTY!”

With grateful thanks to Allders in Letchworth for their prompt service, theirs is a service you can trust. That’s so important as we only have one set of eyes!
Just remember – step back from the river and act your age!

© Baldock Bard 2016

For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

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Farmers Geese and Clouds!

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CloudsWhen I did my UAV (drone) pilots training last June, the chief instructor, ex RAF pilot Sion, admitted to being a ‘cloud-fancier’. Having given this some thought, it would be obvious as it was his workplace! However I have to admit, I seem to have joined the ranks, yesterday was a great day for clouds…

Mare’s tails steak across the sky,
giving farmers ‘the glad eye’.
sunny weather here to stay,
there’ll be no rain today.

Geese munching on the grass,
aware today won’t be their last,
all they know as they munch together,
these high clouds mean sunny weather!

With thanks to Sion and RUSTA UAV Training for opening my eyes to the clouds! Why don’t you lift your head for a minute, it can be most revealing! (Cirrus clouds also mean good drone flying, so get out there!)
It was only when I had written the blog, added the un-edited photo and published to the Internet that I noticed the goose-shaped whip of cloud!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Nature’s Blue Carpet

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Blue carpetWalk through the woods at this time of year and a delicate little blue fower is much in evidence. The great thing about them is that they are only truly beautiful in their natural habitat as, if removed, they wither and die very quickly…

A bright blue carpet lines the woods,
at this time of year.
When we’re spreading fertilizer,
this wonderful sight is here.
Singly they’re not that impressive,
but put them all together,
it’s enough to lift the most sunken heart,
and make up for depressing weather!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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The Broken Alarm!

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EarlyIt’s early Saturday morning and I’m up and ready to drive down to the car boot sale that I run every week. The only problem is that due to a new ‘Wake-Up-Early-Solution’, everybody else is awake too. This morning at the bootsale I shall hope to find a new alarm clock…

I’ve broken my alarm clock,
alas it’ll no longer ring,
I replaced the battery,
then threw out the bloody thing!
So now it’s gone for recycling,
along with a bottle of wine,
it may come back eventually,
something useful next time!
So this morning I relied,
on my iPad to do the biz,
so just after half-past-four,
it started to ring and burp and fizz!
I was awake and wondered,
what that noise could be,
by the time I had shut it up,
everyone was awake you see!

Have a great weekend wherever you are and whatever you’re doing. I hope you enjoy your Bank Holiday Monday, let’s hope for no traditional rain!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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A Canvas Canoe Called Lucinda!

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LucindaYesterday I went to the funeral of my Godmother, Lucinda. During the eulogy to this larger-than-life character, her eldest son recounted their family holidays (two parents and five children in an early camper-van). At that moment I remembered one of our family holidays, in the early seventies, when we borrowed their family’s canvas two-man canoe called ‘Lucinda’, leading the police to tell my family that I was probably dead…

Every day my father drove us a little further from the campsite to paddle back on the Dordogne river in France. This was fine until one day he chose to look at a map of France rather than one of the locality. My brother and I were dropped off, in glorious weather, dressed just in swimming trunks with a towel each, to paddle back to the site. By tea-time, when we should have seen familiar landmarks for some time, we were still paddling along merrily! By around midnight, my brother decided to abandon ship to seek help. By daybreak, after a lonely night of thunder, lightning, high cliffs and fast-flowing rapids where I could feel the scrape of rocks through the canvas, I reached a town I remembered – Sarlat. I arrived back at the campsite in time for a very late breakfast. My brother had returned early in the morning, the police had been called and declared with a Gallic shrug of the shoulders; “Il est mort!” (he is dead!) My mother, ever the pragmatist, shrugged her shoulders and said (of me, her revolting and unruly teenage son) “if he’s dead, he’s dead!” Needless to say I have avoided canoes ever since.

In memory of my Godmother Lucinda, to whom I owe so much: ‘If there’s another world she lives in bliss, if not she made the most of this’ (R Burns)
I wish you all a safe and enjoyable weekend and avoid those rapids!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Customer Satisfaction Guaranteed!

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Waitrose DucksIf you study any independent supermarket survey, you’ll discover that one store is consistently at the top for customer satisfaction. With the store owned by the staff, they seem to act as PR agents every day! Yesterday I watched as a ‘Store Floor Manager’ took care of some important guests…

At St Neots Waitrose store,
two ducks beg by the door.
Shoppers supply them with fresh bread,
making sure they’re both well fed!

They spend the day at this food fest,
no thought of sitting on a nest,
if they keep begging, then in a while,
they’ll be nesting in the fresh egg aisle!

The Store Floor Manager takes her turn,
this new job she has to learn,
the Mallards quack, put on a show,
Waitrose best for ducks you know!

Duck FeedingMy 1,250th blog is dedicated to Waitrose staff everywhere, particularly those in St Neots.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Replacing a Fan Belt!

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FanbeltYesterday the JCB Loadall broke down. A red light appeared and after much searching of both brain and machine, I narrowed it down to a broken fan belt. Replacing it took longer than I had bargained for…

Red light appears on the dashboard,
a light I’ve not seen before,
look around for the operators manual,
It’s behind the seat on the floor!

Open the bonnet (a foreign country),
an engine much bigger than a car,
a fan belt hangs limp off its pulleys,
ring the dealer, will fetch it, not far.

Alec in the stores knows the part,
“we’ve one of those on the shelf”
my wonderful wife goes to fetch it,
“why can’t you go and fetch it yourself?”

I start to dismantle the safety guards,
I drop a spanner into the sump,
The exhaust is hotter than you realise,
burning skin aren’t I the chump!

The new belt squeezes behind the fan,
lever it on to both the pulleys,
stabbed my hand with an extra long screwdriver,
screwdriver snaps (came from Woolies!)

Reassemble the engine compartment,
putting back the final guard,
Step right back to admire my handy work,
the second belt’s still in the yard!

With many thanks to Alec and all the crew at Oliver Landpower, Wandon End, Luton. How they must groan when I ring!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!

 

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The Clumsy Farmer!

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Whoops1Yesterday was a busy day as we rushed around the fields spreading fertilizer. I only had one task, to make sure the spreader kept on the go by carting and filling it with large one-ton bags of fertilizer. When about to run out, the spreader would back up to the bags, suspended from the bag-lifter on the JCB Loadall arm, the bags would be split with a knife and the whole process would continue. However concentration can’t be lost…

The spreader backed up to the Loadall,
the sky was blue and bright,
the knife split the bags at the bottom,
I then adjusted the height.
I looked away for a moment,
lifted the bags once again,
I’d lifted them more than I ought to,
it spread over the side like rain!
Out came the brush and the shovel,
I cursed at myself (so did James!)
He suggested that I visit an opticians,
have an eye test, not just new frames!

Please can we keep it a secret between us, that my lack of concentration was due to taking the above photo!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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‘Storm Baldock!’

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Boat SaleI have a sense of deja-vu this morning. It’s five in the morning and I’m manning the phone lines, just like last Saturday, to tell customers that the boot sale has had to be called off due to a very wet Friday. As I sit waiting, my mind wanders and I come up with new uses for the field…

Having a wet and waterlogged field,
poses a problem not seen before,
new unusual diversification,
if the rain continues to pour:

We could hold a swimming gala,
breast stroke, butterfly and crawl,
where to put the many spectators?
they’d have to sit in the pool!

Filming ‘Peppa Pig – The Movie’
would give a director many troubles,
until he shouts into his megaphone:
“Let’s all jump in muddy puddles!”

What about the biggest bathtub?
Plughole cordoned off by rope,
foam, excitement and much splashing,
“Has anybody seen the soap?”

Even in the worst scenario,
if the drainage were to fail,
floating down the Baldock Bypass,
seven Tall-Ships in full sail!

Boating seems the obvious answer,
powered by motor, oars or sail,
so next week you might find us,
holding a weekly car boat sale!
IMG_5748Hope you have a happy (and dry) weekend wherever you are and get to spend it with those you love.

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday (weather permitting!)
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Dogs Dinner!

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Empty BowlWe are a nation of pet lovers. All dog owners like to spoil their pets, this leads to an enormous market in treats and goodies of all kinds. The other day I bought my precious a culinary ‘treat in a tin’ that was out of the price range of her everyday supper…

I bought Precious a tin of ‘Campfire Stew’,
A very special treat,
Venison, beef and pheasant,
exclusive cuts of meat.

She seemed to quite enjoy it,
ate at her normal pace,
later that same evening,
she burped it into my face!

There’s gratitude for you!
Lilly’s Kitchen, Wild Campfire Stew is available at all good pet shops, TRY IT TODAY! (other foods are available)

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Every Saturday
April – October 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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