Category Archives: Ye Olde British Customs

The Spider and the Boot Sale!

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HailRunning a car boot sale is easy. You just open the gate, chuck some cash at local newspaper advertising departments, and pray (that’s the condensed version!). The greatest imponderable is the weather. Here I am at just after 5am, everything is ready… and it’s pouring with rain. Ho-hum, just another day in the history of Baldock Car Boot Sale…

Incey-Wincey Spider,
went to the car boot sale,
when she got there,
‘twas wind and rain and hail.
She told her hundred children,
“This you can forget,
We’ll just have to return next week,
I’m not getting soaking wet!”

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Saturday’s from April to October
With more FREE parking, weather and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Bonking at the Bootsale!

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PostbonkingThere are many who think that opening up a car boot sale entails opening the gate, collecting the money and enjoying a bacon sandwich! That is the visible side (especially the bacon sandwich!). Preparation takes a little longer, especially when you discover rotten fencing three days before the start. Drastic times call for drastic measures…

Tommy and I went a-bonking,
posts in at the boot sale site,
ready for the early Saturday start,
we must have been a very strange sight!
I sat up in the Loadall,
my hand upon the up/down switch,
post-bashing with a heavy weight,
hoping that my fingers don’t twitch!
Tommy lines up brand-new posts,
removes the old ones that are snapped,
Keeps the line nice and straight,
without the need for i-Phone apps!
Please heavens that we are finished,
by early morning Saturday,
or customers will come and taunt us:
“you’re not ready? We’ll boot anyway!”

See you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed tomorrow morning next to the A507 Buntingford Rd, just outside Baldock! If not, have a great weekend, wherever you are and whatever you’re up to!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns TOMORROW!
April 9th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Bertie and the Waves!

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BertieThe other day I watched a couple taking their black Labrador for a walk on the beach. As they walked, the man threw a ball into the waves for an enthusiastic dog to fetch. The dog’s enthusiasm didn’t seem to wane as (rather alarmingly I thought), the man threw the ball further and further into the sea…

Peter, Jane and Labrador Bertie
arrived at the beach at around twelve-thirty!
Bertie leapt in and out of the sea,
“Will someone please throw the ball for me?”
Peter threw the ball into the waves,
Bertie satisfied with the reward he craves!
In and out of the sea for the length of the beach,
throw, fetch, throw fetch, until out of reach!
Back in the car park by one-thirty,
Peter, Jane and one wet smelly Bertie!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns Next Saturday
April 9th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Bird-Scaring Drone!

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scary Drone!Since recently sowing acres of beans and oats, I have a problem. As a farmer it’s not my intention to provide a free takeaway to the varied bird population of North Hertfordshire. There are traditional methods of bird scaring from the small child with wooden spoon and saucepan, right up to today’s high-tech banger with gun and siren. However, thanks to a farmer up-north I can add drone or UAV…

The ‘effin pigeons sit and laugh,
when I get out my gun,
“You couldn’t hit an ‘effin barn door!”
as they munch my crops in the sun.
But then the dastardly farmer,
in defeat has gone back home,
and suddenly they’re very afraid,
rape alarms on the feet of his drone!
“Oh good heavens what is that?
the noise goes through my head!”
with a cough they all fly off,
to my neighbours crops instead!

With best wishes for April Fools Day and apologies to all my farming neighbours! Coincidently this also happens to be my 1,234th posting!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns Next Saturday
April 9th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Bill and the Daffodils!

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Bills DaffsThis year the Daffodils are flowering for what seems longer and longer. Having seen them first before Christmas in a shaded corner of the garden, they are still in bloom with some buds to come. That is apart from what used to be a large plot of them about forty-plus years ago. My mother was a most meticulous gardner and wouldn’t let the mower anywhere near the daffodils until they were completely over and then some…

Old Bill was sent to mow the grass,
a job he liked in many years past,
on the old tractor with the 6ft mower,
when driving that he was a goer!
Mowed the grass at the front of the farm,
Straight through the Daffodils no sense of alarm,
my mother told him straight, “they won’t come,
just think of future damage you’ve done.”
Bill with a shrug and shake of his head,
“they’ll be alright they won’t be dead!”
But to this day a patch isn’t right,
become known as Bill’s mowing sight!

Just to show the difference I’ve added a view from a plot next door! Both my mother and Bill have been dead for many years now, so I guess the difference is simply a memorial to poor communication!
Daffs 3
© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Farmer Jack

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Welding 2In the real world, if something breaks on your bike/car/lorry/bus/train, you contact an expert who effects a repair. On the farm you drag out the welder and pray the repair holds until the job is done. You are a Jack (of all trades) and given a good dose of luck your bodge-job will hold for its intended duration…

Easter Saturday dawns and all is well,
you’re off to drill oats for porridge to sell.
Checking around the machine a marker’s broken,
rain is forecast don’t want a soakin’.
Out with the welder on with the hood,
“hope this holds must weld it good,”
at last it’s mended you sigh ‘phew!’
“Look at that skill it’s good as new!”
Out in the field the marker strains,
finished the field and then it rains!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

 

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Spring Oats on Easter Saturday!

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March DustThere is an old country saying “A peck of March dust is worth a king’s ransom.” After dust in the early part of the week, some rain on Thursday night and extended sunshine on Good Friday, I’m hoping for perfect conditions when we sow oats this morning. Wish me luck, I’m going in…

Last week the dust rose
above the cultivator,
Nothing like March dust
as a motivator!
It gives you hope
that oats can be drilled,
So your spring sowing
can be fulfilled!
On Easter Saturday
we’ll be out in the field,
hopefully perfect conditions
for the oat yield.
The traffic will pass and children
may shout “thrilling!
There’s the Baldock Bard
finishing his drilling!”

Wishing you all a very Happy Easter.
Wherever you are, whoever you’re with, may your world have peace (or if you’re field is wet, dust!).

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!

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Stuck in the Mud!

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Wet NestsThere are times in life when you sink in the mud and need someone else to pull you out. A couple of days ago some people got hold of this humble little website, attacked it, robbed it and left it lying on the side of the road. Ok, in my usual way I’m guilding the lily. I was the victim of a particularly nasty cyber attack. I just hope I haven’t made any enemies out there when ‘I’ (or someone pretending to be me), sent spam e-mails splashing into cyberspace…

The wheels are spinning,
there’s mud everywhere,
I feel I’m sinking,
I start to despair.
Two days later,
I think in disgrace,
I realise the damage is,
in cyberspace!
So if you’ve had an e-mail,
and angry you be,
I’m sorry and humble,
please forgive me!

With best wishes for a fantastic Easter. I know it’s too much to expect peace in the world, but I wish you peace in your world instead.
You may have missed my last posting: When Beans Run Short, you can find it here, http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=8092
Best wishes
Baldock Bard

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9th 2016
With more FREE parking and a field full of bargains!
 

 

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When Beans Run Short!

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Drill 0316When you are drilling a crop there is always the chance of disaster in one or more ways. Running out of seed is possibly the most frustrating, especially when dry weather is not guaranteed. No seed left, on a Saturday, in March, is possibly the most alarming of circumstances. However sometimes luck just runs with you…

Saturday we went drilling,
I’d be lying if I said it was thrilling,
driving up and down,
putting beans in the ground,
from bags often we’d be filling.

However things went awry,
not the weather, that was so dry,
But for more bean seed,
there was a real need,
finally the drill just ran dry!

I texted the agronomist Monday morning,
“Things have gone well, but a warning!
of seed we are short,
thus the drilling abort,
can we fetch a full bag from Horning?”

Late last night we were done,
achieved under lights – no sun!
The beans are now in,
and I’ve got a grin,
I can at last say that drilling was fun!
Many thanks to agronomist David Short for saving the day with seed. It is also worth noting that the seed didn’t came from Horning, but I’m not clever enough to make anything Whittlesford!
© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9th 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!

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Boating for Boys!

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Wet BoatThe other week I saw a sad sight. A once-loved boat, partially submerged and lying on its side. I once knew a boater who sold a boat on the Internet. Sadly for the buyer, it got as far as Peterborough on the A1 when it fell off the trailer and ‘floated’ down the dual carriageway. Caveat Emptor (buyer beware) applies…

He bought a boat on the Internet,
a surprise for his wife,
he imagined himself in a sailor’s hat,
“It’s great this boating life!”

Sitting out on the rear deck,
their iced-drinks gently clinking,
“Shall we set sail for Monaco?”
his ulterior-motive-thinking!

“Close your eyes now darling,
My gift it is just around here,”
His dreams dissolved completely,
When the submerged wreck drew near,

Sitting up on the open deck,
laughing and making merry!
“This is the life,” he said to his wife,
at sea on a cross-channel ferry!

Have a greaat day and watch out for ‘unseen’ treasure. Sometimes a bargain only involves an advantage for someone else and you could be let with that sinking feeling!

© Baldock Bard 2016
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Returns April 9th 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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