Category Archives: Ye Olde British Customs

Nature’s Climbers!

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While splitting logs with the log-splitter the other day I noticed that I was no longer alone. I stopped work and gazed in amazement at a team of climbers who had no ropes, no hard hats and not an ounce of high-vis between them…

Health and safety doesn’t exist,
when wood-lice scale their wooden cliffs,
up they run right to the top,
not even for a breather stop!
Then there’s a crack, lo and behold:
they never miss a single foothold,
as before them a challenge new,
another climb before the day is through!
When faced with a new challenge, remember the woodlouse and power through! Have a great weekend. BB.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Launch Invitation!

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SupercarSelling a commodity is never a precise art. Here on the farm I use a co-operative called Fengrain to sell my wheat for me as I am a grower not a seller! I guesstimate my crop in January, work out when my cash-flow needs life-saving injections and the professionals do the rest! They are able to sell through the year and I am able to relax a little. This year, in a time of rock-bottom prices not seen since the early-Eighties they have so far sold at levels beyond my wildest hopes…

My cash-flow sighed with contentment,
when the money came in from the wheat,
it wasn’t the best of the last years,
but for this year was a real treat!
We have grown used to advertising,
tailored on Facebook and Twitter,
in my case it is many drone-things,
and ways of getting much fitter!
But I wasn’t expecting the postman,
to anticipate better prices so far,
by delivering an invitation,
for the launch of a Porsche supercar!

…Thanks to Fengrain for making my wheat values so much better, but I’m sorry to disappoint you Mr Porsche, they aren’t that good!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Autumn Colours from the Air!

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Flying my UAV (drone) above a newly-planted crop of wheat the other day I noticed some amazing colours in the background. Yesterday, after a damp start, the sun made an appearance and I dashed up to the wood behind the farm. I was not disappointed…

Autumn is here in the wood,
a vast range of colours to delight,
but all to soon the hues are gone,
colours become as black as night.

But then in Spring
green shoots will appear,
as trees celebrate,
yet another year!

And man will dash,
and work and rest,
not seeing nature’s,
colours are best!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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The Toy Kitchen!

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StereotypeRecently Mrs Bard and I went shopping to a large warehouse with our granddaughter. As a reward for tedious time locked in the trolley she spent time exploring the toy section. Apart from her delight at anything dressed in that hideous blue from a certain ‘Cold’ film, she didn’t seem very interested until we reached a full-size kitchen set…

“A kitchen,” she cried with obvious glee,
“just the place for Baby and me,
I can make her wonderful food,
to satisfy her every mood!”

I was about to say…
“Look at that tractor!”
When I realised,
gender was a factor!
…and I wouldn’t dare suggest such a choice, as at three, she is already very strong-willed!


© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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60 Not Out!

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SixtyI am 60 today. Apparently, according to some junior reporter for a national newspaper who has just eschewed nappies for ‘Y’ Fronts and has column inches to fill, this is the new 40. If it is, and I very much doubt it, why does my back hurt whenever I sweep a bin, crawl under a machine or spend more than an hour in a tractor seat?

I am 60,
Fuuuuuck!
Where did the years go?
Was it really that long ago,
That I was at school,
at college,
at my wedding,
at two births?

‘Whatever happened to him?
Whatever happened to her?’
phrases I seem to have
seldom used
as for some strange reason
friends have remained
and few have strayed.

So the answer to life
is to collect friends
in the same way
you’d collect
diamonds
precious
stones
or rare
plants,
keeping them
in a very safe place
well nourished
and watered!

Thank you friends
for being…
…friends!

P.s the answer to a long and happy marriage is obvious – Do like I did and marry your best friend (34 years and still Mrs Bard hangs onto this idiot!).

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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A Quiet Saturday Morning!

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Bootsale QThis morning I awoke with a start at 5am. I sat up in bed panicking that I would be late to let the sellers and buyers into the car boot sale field. I then realised that our last sale of the season was last week. I went back to sleep…

The rabbits at the bootsale field,
know that something’s wrong.
Skylarks fluttering overhead,
interrupt their wonderful song.
“Where are they? They all ask,
they should all be here,
there’s not a human to be seen,
Something’s wrong we fear!”

A wise old owl,
with a friendly hoot,
said “End of the season,
no car boot!”

Happy Christmas to all our wonderful customers at the Baldock Car Boot Sales. We’re back after Easter 2016. Also grateful thanks to Grant and Linda for all their hard work catering for the masses – enjoy your Saturday morning lie-ins!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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No Need for a Cork!

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Sloe GinAccording to ‘Lifestyle Advisors’, larders in houses are making a comeback. Naturally, being ahead of the game, we’ve always had one. Unfortunately a larder also becomes the harbourer of antiquated tins, that unidentifiable and undrinkable bottle friends brought back from a foreign holiday and enough bags for life to see me into my 209th year. Some things once discovered cannot be ignored…

I found a bottle of Sloe Gin in the larder,
Thought to myself ‘just a taste’,
The liquid the smoothest of flavours,
Within no time was rat-faced!

I struggled to push back the stopper,
The cork I had wouldn’t fit,
To make room I had another glassful,
Tasted better the second hit!

I really had no other option,
But to empty every drop to my glass,
I drained the last from the bottle,
Then spectacularly fell on my ass!

I lay on my back like a fly-sprayed,
On my chest an empty bottle,
I don’t think Mrs Bard was amused,
As my neck she started to throttle!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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Rolling, Rolling, Rolling

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JCB RollingHere I am, up at the crack of dawn once again. There is no car boot sale, the warm bed I’ve just left is still inviting and it’s pitch black outside. The problem is that we’ve nearly finished planting wheat, the seedbeds need compacting (just like the household staff prepare your bed in a hotel!) and rain is on the way…

Rolling, rolling, rolling,
is what I did last night,
rolling, rolling, rolling,
under the tractor’s light!

Wildlife ignored me,
“What’s he up to now?
in the dark he’s normally absent,
Except sometimes with the plough!”

I’ve got to get it finished,
before it comes to rain,
and then the fields at night,
can be peaceful once again!

Have a great day, sorry about the noise last night!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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Late Tomato Harvest!

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TomatoYesterday a friend proudly showed me his tomato plants. Unfortunately mid-October is a little late for ripening them outdoors. I predict chutney making…

Our friend Alex has grown tomatoes,
proud of his horticultural skill,
it’s a shame that they won’t ripen,
Eating them now could make him ill.
However he’s not at all disheartened,
not erratic or even fickle,
“A great success” or so he says,
Monday morning he’ll make pickle!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk




The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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A Voice from the Past!

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SweepingYesterday I spent the day sweeping wheat!
At best the job is dusty and sweaty with grains that work their way down your back to nether regions best not mentioned! I won’t bore you with details of the worst. For light relief, along with the obligatory dust mask, I wear my trusty BOSE noise-cancelling headphones attached to my iPhone. I was sweeping and listening to banal music from my extended playlist, when a voice from the past shocked memories from me quicker than a lightening bolt.
Every Sunday morning in our farmhouse kitchen, almost fifty years ago, the radio would play in the background (a church service from Bridlington or similar). Over a breakfast of cereal followed by a hard-boiled egg and toast, my mother would bustle around the Rayburn while my father, just in from the farm, would sip quietly at a mug of tea. My brother and I would just quarrel!
Almost without warning an announcer’s voice would suddenly say: “Alistair Cooke, Letter from America” and the room would be filled with one of the most melodic voices ever to have graced a valve or transistor… and respectful silence would follow. Niggling between my brother and I would cease, toast would remain un-scraped and not a word would be spoken until the end of the programme.
Looking back Alistair Cooke taught me more about the land from across the Atlantic than a legion of geography teachers. He made whole broadcasts from simple events and took international and national news and personalised them in a way even I as a youngster could appreciate.
In the hustle and bustle of my sweeping day, I stood stock-still amidst the dust and noise from the grain store, silently listening to a story about Vermont and remembering simpler times and a Sunday breakfast from long ago.
Afterwards, nourished by the experience, I swept with renewed vigour.

Alistair Cooke died on the 30th March 2004, aged 95.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above


Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

 

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