Category Archives: Ye Olde British Customs

History re-visited!

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I was photographing a historical site the other day that can be traced back 1000 years with my trusty drone (with 20thC drought-scorch and wheelmarks!). It’s amazing what detail a dry year can show. Some of the adjacent ponds (not shown in the picture) date back to Bishop Odo of Bayeux (William the Conqueror’s half-brother.) He is the only person to be in the Bayeux Tapestry twice, once sitting on Williams right hand and once exhorting the troops he supplied to fight harder….

The Bayeux Tapestry is coming back,
to Britain in a couple of years,
Old Bishop Odo will have his day,
again (or so it appears!).
I wonder what he’d have thought of my drone,
as it flew above his old land,
and whether his soldiers would have shouted ‘Alien’
or just hidden themselves in sand!
What would they have thought of planes in the sky?
of take-aways, burgers and that?
I bet they’d have troubles with their weight,
unable to fight – just too fat!
If they couldn’t fight William might have lost,
with Harold no arrow in his eye,
the French would have retreated back towards France,
all because of chips and steak pie!

With apologies to al historians for my take on accepted history!
Please blame the Guinness – I will!
Have a great weekend, stay safe and take care.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Hand Car (tractor) Wash!

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When is a car wash not a car wash? When I decide to pay it a visit! Not only do the NFU Mutual Insurance Company never know what I’m going to come up with next, but these guys are now getting used to me arriving with different shapes of yellow JCB to their car wash. You may be wondering why I’m being so lazy? Sorry, I can’t tell you as the news is subject to an embargo until Monday morning, so you’ll just have to wait and see…

“Can I bring a tractor,
for a bit of a clean,
it’s important that it’s spotless,
fit to be seen.
I’m only driving half an hour,
with a V.I.P,
please make sure it’s perfect,
for bystanders to wave and see!”

…photos available on Monday (hopefully if I succeed in a prompt delivery).
For the best hand car wash in the Letchworth area, get down to the junction of Jubilee and Works Roads in Letchworth and thanks to the NFU Mutual for their patience and help!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Undercover Cyclist!

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Have you ever taken a photo that when looked at later seems to convey a different story to the one envisaged at the time? The above photo shows a pleasant group of retired folk playing pétanque on a village green, all is well in their world until you notice the cyclist…

The SAS (cycle division) were undercover,
on a training exercise,
merging in with some old folk,
who showed no sign of surprise.
He radioed in to headquarters:
‘All’s fine I haven’t been seen!
I’m about to eat my rations,
sitting on the village green!’
Suddenly there was a commotion,
a player dropped a ball on his toe,
he yelled out the emergency word,
you should have seen the cyclist go!

With apologies for the quality of todays verse, must remember to take stronger tablets and drink more water! Have a great day and don’t drop anything heavy on your toes!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


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Angry Drone Pilot!

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As a qualified, licensed and insured drone pilot, I am fed up with news stories of near misses with aircraft, like one currently doing the rounds about a near miss with a military helicopter. These reflect badly on drone-flyers to those who skim-read articles in the media. The fact that most of these near-misses happen at between 700 and 2500 feet, when most drones (including mine) are limited by law and electronics to a maximum height of 400 feet, makes me hopping mad. My drones will not fly near an airport, so those who break the law should have the full weight of it crashing around their shoulders.

My rant is over,
my anger spent,
over a near-miss,
was it Surrey or Kent?
I always worry,
when I hear a chopper,
land my drone before,
it becomes a cropper.
But most of the time,
it flies with ease,
over pastoral scenes,
and avoiding trees!
Neighbouring farmers,
have been heard to moan:
“What’s that noise?
– only Simon’s drone!”


Have an enjoyable day and if you hear a noise like an irritated swarm of bees, it may just be my drone!
Stay healthy, happy and safe

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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The Egyptian Football Fan!

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I have been away for a few days. On Wednesday I was in a small village near Cambridge. There happened to be a football match being screened nearby so that not only did we have the commentary from the TV, but also the sound of the crowd down the road. I met a foreign national whose team had not been as successful in the World Cup…

The Egyptian Goose
looked at me and said,
“Who won the match?
because I went to bed!”

“Not England,” I replied

“Nor Egypt too,
they didn’t even get,
into round two!
I’ll be off now,
it’s all the same,
just thank heavens
it’s only a game!”
…and with a shake of his head he was gone muttering as he went about sea lions on a shirt!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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The Big Match!

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There are people who are fed up with the hot weather, but at the Baldock Saturday Boot Sale we love it! As an added bonus, because the gates open for sellers at 0630hrs, the heat of the day is yet upon us. But tomorrow many will ignore the heat at 3pm when a certain match kicks off in Russia…

It’s cool to boot at Baldock,
before the heat of the day,
the sellers set their stalls out,
many buyers (they don’t pay!)

Tomorrow we won’t mention ABBA,
meatballs or IKEA,
at three their stores may empty,
it’ll be football with a beer!

If things go wrong in Russia,
and England are knocked out,
let’s pray there isn’t trouble,
like throwing plastic chairs about!

Have a great weekend and enjoy the match!
See you the other side of the weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

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Memories of a Moke!

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Yesterday I followed what might be described as a ‘Sixties Classic’ down to the town. I suddenly realised that I had forgotten they existed, and had a flash-back of a press photo from way back then. Despite an extensive search thanks to Mr Google, I can’t find the photo so it may just have been an illusion…

In the petrol station I met this bloke,
who was driving an original Mini Moke!
I remember a photo (of which I was fond),
astride a Moke – a ‘Hot-Panted’ blonde!
I was nine in sixty-four
Don’t remember much (soon be sixty-four!)
Of my faulty memory fun you may poke,
but I fancied the blonde more than the Moke!

Have a fun day and see if you too can have an illuminating flash-back today!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD


 

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A Robot in the Field?

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This week I went to a conference/demonstration about soil and alternative methods of farming called Groundswell. I was wandering around looking at the trade stands when I had a ‘Wow, Look At That!’ moment. I was given a glimpse into the future…

I met a lady who has robots,
Tom, Dick and Harry by name,
and if what she told me is half correct,
it’ll change the future farming game.

Tom monitors the soil and the crops,
While feeding and weeding Dick roams,
it’s Harry who plants and drill the seeds,
while Wilma’s control them from homes!

Behind every good farmer is a farmer’s wife
Behind every good robot is a Wilma!

I also heard a great relevant story.
Many years ago a farmer had the first tractor arrive on his farm. The horse-keepers were not happy as this ‘dirty, smelly, and noisy thing’ started ploughing far quicker than their horses could. They grumbled amongst themselves. However the tractor got stuck in a notoriously wet part of the field and had to be pulled out by horses. Once rescued, one of the horse-keepers said to the others, “I told you so. Them tractor-things will never catch on!”
The Small Robot Company can be found at https://www.smallrobotcompany.com
Groundswell is a great annual event https://groundswellag.comHave a great day and stay safe.
You’d also better get used to AI and Algorithm, they are becoming a large part of our future.

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

 

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The Dens in the Wood!

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Every school group is different, every school visit is different, no two visits have ever been the same even when the visitors are from the same year group and the same school, like yesterday. The visit was going to plan, we were walking through the wood when suddenly a visitor suggested an activity I’d never considered…

“Please can we build a den?”
without a thought I said ‘Yes!’
And as a new part of the visit,
It was an immediate success.
It brought out leadership,
and co-operation,
both much-needed skills,
for a future nation!
Some were on transport,
fetching the wood,
Some were organising,
like an architect would,
But all were helping each other,
under the Hertfordshire sun,
but best of all,
they were having such fun!

With my grateful thanks to all 89 of you who have come to the farm this week with your teachers, I’ve learnt so much from all of you. Come again!
Enormous thanks also to Sara and the Countryside Trust for making it all possible http://www.countrytrust.org.uk
Have a great weekend. Stay happy, healthy and safe.
© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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School Visit 2 (of 3)

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Yesterday was Wednesday and that meant Brunswick Park (1) in our week of school visits to the farm. We did mostly what we’d done with the previous day’s group, although it was markedly different as no two groups are ever the same. We even had a trek through long grass, despite allergy’s and Hay Fever…

Trekking through long grass,
on the way back to the farm,
“I’ve nettle stings on my legs,”
“A horsefly bit my arm!”
“I am so tired,
I’m sure something went crunch!”
Please tell me Mr Farmer,
when is it time for lunch?”

“Just a couple more miles,”
I strove to reassure,
thirty pleading bodies,
“No please, we want no more!”
I’m sure that when they’re home,
they’ll sleep like logs tonight,
they won’t be the only ones,
I’ll be out like a light!

Many thanks to Year 3 from Brunswick School, London, for coming to visit us, we’ll see your other classmates later today for more of the same!

© Baldock Bard 2018
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard

The Baldock ‘Boutique’ Boot Sale
STILL HERE AFTER 26 YEARS!
starts 7am Every Saturday
until October 20ththOctober 2018
Buyers Park and Enter FREE!
www.u-boot.co.uk

It is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Feed your hungry sat-nav with SG7 6RD

 

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