The Leafy Tunnel

Posted on September 14, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday Mrs Bard and I were in East Sussex staying with old friends in their new house. We took a drive down to Battle, St Leonards and all points back to Hurst Green. On the way we came across a leafy tunnel, I leapt out with my camera. It seemed to rather sum up life…

Is there light at the end of your tunnel?
Look hard it’s certainly there.
Just enjoy September foliage,
By this time in a month it could be bare.

Whatever your trials or tribulations,
your neighbour might be the worse off,
So look at the beautiful scenery,
Ignore the deepening trough.

We all have problems about us,
our life makes us not at all keen.
Tomorrow the skies may be sunny,
It takes rain to paint the world green!

Hope always lurks near the depths of despair, stay strong.
Best wishes
from The Baldock Bard

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baling Team!

Posted on September 12, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

On the farm this year I took a gamble, I decided to bale all the straw that had been left by the combine. In past years we have used the combine’s straw chopper that leaves almost no evidence behind but finely-chopped straw and dust. This year required steady nerves with so much straw lying in rows and wet weather day after day. However John, Stevie and the rest of the baling team arrived and soon the straw was gone and only rows of large bales remained…

Like Mad March Hares the balers chase,
each other up rows of straw.
The ever-munching mechanical mouths,
Always hungry for more!

All that’s left behind them,
enormous brick-like bales,
destined to travel miles from here,
North South East or Wales!

So thanks to all the baling team,
turner, baler, stacker or boss!
You all made it look as easy,
as eating candy floss!
Have a great weekend, see you next week!

Christmas is Coming!

Posted on September 10, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I knew it was a late harvest but I had no idea how late! A foray into my local supermarket the other day proved just how tardy we have been with our harvesting. September may only just be into double figures but already we are being advised to buy for the future…

August has only just flown past,
leaves from the trees still stuck on fast.
Out is the field wheat still stands,
ruining farmer’s September plans.
Lo! What’s this on the supermarket shelf?
Reminders of Santa, reindeer and elf!
You must buy now or so they say,
only 105 days to go ‘till Christmas day!

Appearing next week in a supermarket near you – Easter Eggs!

Miss Martin My Harvest Companion!

Posted on September 9, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This time of year I have a constant companion. We meet out in fields of wheat and beans away from prying eyes. I know just which buttons to press and she responds with sweet numbers! Yesterday I managed to score a sweet seventeen, but it was not what I desired…

Out in the fields we meet,
Miss Moisture Meter and me,
she grinds up beans and wheat,
will we continue harvest before tea?

I hold her in my arms,
I know which buttons to press,
she unveils some secret numbers,
I hope will lead to success!

Suddenly she became spiteful,
moisture too wet by far,

my wife asked, “Where’s your friend?”
I’d left her in the car!

In order to store grain it needs to be around 14% moisture and cooler than 20 degrees. The latter is easy to achieve this year, but the former only achieved by using expensive drying. Unfortunately the value is what we were used to in the 1980’s.

Nirvana for a Farmer!

Posted on September 8, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Is there a food that when you eat it, peace reigneth in your world despite what is happening around you? For me it’s coffee cake, no matter if it’s tipping down with rain on fields of ready-to-be-harvested wheat, give me a coffee cake and my woes are forgotten! My daughter’s father-in-law’s partner, Jill, has a special place in my heart. Knowing full well the weaknesses of man (in this case me!), she brings me a special treat when she comes to visit…

Jill has baked a coffee cake,
it’s so delicious for heaven’s sake.
The centre is so warm and fluffy,
like a kitten or furry puppy!
The filling is sublime and sweet,
enough to make a hummingbird tweet.
The topping, oh, such joy surpass,
that I always leave it ‘till last.
My senses are prepared for take-off,
Jill always wins my Coffee Cake Bake-off!

The weather may preclude harvesting but that’s just too bad, I’m indoors eating coffee cake! Thank you Jill!

Looking Forward to Dry Weather!

Posted on September 7, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Every so often, by accident, I capture a good picture. This morning’s picture was taken with my drone last night over the farm. It wasn’t until I viewed it on the laptop that I realised how special it was. What it doesn’t convey is that the rows of straw are damp having been waiting for dry weather for weeks. However, what is does show is the promise of a weeks fine weather at sunset. I hope you enjoy this weeks forecast as much as we farmers. Have a great week…

Good morning Monday morning,
the sun is in the sky,
Everything looks better,
The week is looking dry!
Forecasters are looking happy,
There’s no mention at all of rain,
Harvest is set to proceed,
Happy Days are here again!

Moving a Combine Harvester!

Posted on September 5, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

It is 4:35 on Saturday morning and here I am, bleary-eyed and not bushy-tailed, inhailing my first coffee of the day. I can hardly believe what we did last night, it didn’t involve drink or food or merriment! We simply went harvesting in the first dry weather window for seven days! The beans were damp, the yield was minimal, but the sense of achievement was euphoric after seven days of sitting on our hands…

Some speak of great achievement,
Some gold medals accrue,
We simply harvested our smallest field,
exercised our Harvest Crew!
Moving a combine is perilous,
especially on Friday night,
apart from one or two fingers,
we managed to achieve that all right!
Bindweed wrapped the combine,
of beans not much sign,
back home within the hour,
profit? Not this time!
I’ve just had a phone call,
“Is the boot sale on?”
It’s pouring with rain in Luton,
getting out of bed was wrong!
So apologies to traffic behind us,
I know the combine moves slow,
But sometimes a half-hour window,
in the weather – we have to go!
If your weekend is spoiled by rain, blame me, as I may have angered the Weather-Gods when they were looking the other way last night! Have a good one, may luck be with you.

Best of the Worst or Worst of the Best?

Posted on September 3, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Sometimes in life we make idiotic decisions despite the advice of others. If they are kind they stay silent, some say ‘told you so’ while others go further. This year, the year of the atrociously wet harvest, was the year I chose not to use the straw chopper on the combine and bale all the straw. True, it has meant that when we were able to harvest, the machine has travelled faster, so as a result we have more dry grain in the barn and have used less fuel. However there is an obvious visible and very damp downside on show to all who drive pass the farm…

Is this harvest:
The best of the worst?
Or the worst of the best?
That I can’t decide.
It’s as if I’ve taken all my luck,
and left it in a bag outside.

The combine rushes up and down the field,
between many days of rain,
leaving the straw in long neat rows,
I’m pushing my luck again.

So despite having an over-full barn,
not room for very much more,
out in the field lies my luck,
row upon row of damp straw.

If anyone knows where I can buy a few days of dry and sunny weather, please can they get in touch. I don’t mind if they are used or new, home-grown or foreign, boxed or unboxed, just no more buckets of rain for a while please!

The Teaspoon of Life!

Posted on August 26, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Is your glass half full or half empty this morning? Chances are that if you’re a farmer looking out onto damp fields you might think the latter while reality suggests the former! I was moping about worrying about damp crops still in the field when suddenly I remembered that there was a large heap of dry grain in the barn, tipping out the washing-up-bowl also brought good news, so it looks like it’s going to be a good day…

There’s always a teaspoon left in the sink,
Just shout ‘Hurrah!” and make yourself a drink!
While you’re waiting for the kettle to boil,
Think of a positive in your daily toil.
If there’s no positive or none you can think,
At least you’ve an extra teaspoon found in the sink!

Have a great day and watch out for those lucky teaspoons in your life!

Dolly Worries About Her Mummy!

Posted on August 25, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Dolly the horse lives at the farm. Her ‘mummy’, Charlotte, swam the Channel a year ago. Dolly wondered what she’d do next. Last weekend it was Paris, however as expected, not the easy way…

Dolly was in a trance
When Charlie swam to France
“They do have ferries
As hedgerows have berries
She’s led me a merry dance!”

“This year to Paris she went
With a bicycle but not a tent!
Could have gone by car
or Eurostar!
But cycled with charitable intent”

“What is she next to do?
Hang-glide in darkest Peru?
I would be frantic
If she rowed the Atlantic
What’s a poor horse to do?”

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Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Ye Olde British Customs