The Farmers Last Ride!

Posted on July 7, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I went to the funeral of my cousin and old friend, Roger. The church was packed with standing-room outside the only option for late-comers. A slight shower when we came out of the service reminded us that, to us farmers, rain is an important ingredient in life. Afterwards we all congregated in the empty grain barn to chat and reminisce. However before the funeral, Roger had one last wish…

In back of the old Toyota,
one last chance you see,
for the farmer to look around his crops,
‘A farmer’s always a farmer, he be!’

Down the side of the oats,
across the road to the wheat,
back past the field of beans,
now his tour is complete.

So it’s up to the church for Roger,
where friends are waiting inside,
tears and remembrance a-plenty,
after the farmer’s last ride.

Take care old friend. May your furrow be always straight and the following winds always be warm and fair! BB.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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Rogue Sheep!

Posted on July 3, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday morning I looked out of the window and was shocked to see ewes and lambs. This wasn’t because there were ewes and lambs on an all-arable farm (they belong to another farmer and are grazing our grass), but more because they were in the wrong field heading for the wood! I managed to get most of them in a fenced-off field, opened the adjoining gate to where they should have been, when disaster struck…

Yesterday morning chasing sheep,
only just got up from sleep!
Twelve of them have ‘gone rogue’,
don’t want them near the busy road.
Towards the wood they start to run,
I feel with me they’re poking fun!
Into a neighbouring field called ‘Struthers’,
“I’ll open a gate they’ll join the others!”
The others were grazing until then you see,
I’ve now got fifty joining me!
I look to the skies wave a fist and bark:
“Why did Noah put sheep in the Ark?”

Thanks to David and Charlie, neighbouring farmers with sheep and more importantly – sheepdogs, who helped me return the flock to the field!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Things Are Looking Up!

Posted on July 1, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Do you find that sometimes it takes somebody else to make you appreciate what you see daily but ignore? Last week I did a UAV course in Newcastle that covered Meteorology and clouds. Ever since schooldays and geography lessons I have ignored the subject. Sion, our instructor last week, spread his enthusiasm around as a gardener might do manure on favourite roses. Now, after some forty-five years since the classroom, I am in danger of falling flat on my face as I re-discover the beauty of the skies…

Oh good grief! What a surprise,
I’ve rediscovered cloudy skies!
They must have been always there,
But now I tend to stop and stare!

From Cumulo-Nimbus,
such bad boys!
Torrential rain,
horrendous noise!

To highest level Cirrus see,
Nature’s beauty just for me!
If you see me looking, eyes open wide,
Please take my hand, lead me inside!

If having read this, you look up and trip over the garden rake that you meant to put away yesterday, please don’t blame me! Have a great day and look up! You may also want to visit https://cloudappreciationsociety.org/ Thanks Sion! (pron: Shaun)

UAV Exam Nerves!

Posted on June 25, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Almost fifty years ago when I was in school, I had an Australian geography teacher called Sidney Smith. He only ever said one thing to me: “You’ll come a cropper in the exams!” He was invariably right and his prediction hung around my neck for all of my school career. This morning I am taking a Civil Aviation Authority exam. Part of it includes remembering CAA laws, so I have devised the following in an attempt to shake off Sidney Smith’s curse…

CAP 722
Unmanned Aircraft System -You!
CAP 393
Air Navigation Order – what yours be?
CAP 382
Mandatory Reporting System – if crash you’ll do!
CAP 737
Crew Resource (air hostess heaven!)
CAP 403
A flying display is what you’ll see!
CAP 658
Safe model flying (that’s just great!)

In hindsight I accept it was only his interpretation of: “fail to prepare, prepare to fail!” Thanks Sidney, this one’s for you. RIP.

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard 
Twitter: @baldockbard
 E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk  

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
 With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
 www.u-boot.co.uk

Danger! It’s a Drone!

Posted on June 22, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

There are certain daily items that over the years have been used by the press as props for a ‘let’s-make-up-a-story’ on a lack-lustre news day. Sometimes these have been based around ‘inventions of the devil’: The motor-car (great frightener of horses), television (destroyer of children’s brains), up to today’s beloved bête noire, the UAV, commonly known as a drone…

Hold the front page I’ve a story to tell,
There’s an object in the sky and it’s coming from Hell!
It’s capable of anything the press can decide,
Will suddenly appear to take your pet for a ride!

It can crash into your garden, bring down a jet,
A thousand other uses we haven’t thought of yet!
Those who use them will spy on your bed,
Then lose control and injure your head!

“He is an outcast,” the papers will say,
On innocent lives apparently I prey!
But the truth is simple, no cause for alarm,
I’m spying on wheat around my own farm!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Art of Conversation!

Posted on June 20, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Running a car boot sale in this country comes with problems that don’t affect markets in some other nations. We are at the mercy of the Great British Summer. Since the earliest of times, the weather has come to the aid of this Island Race when conversation has lagged. This has avoided those long silences that some unfortunate nations endure…

Here we are it’s Saturday,
Car Boot time again,
the forecast is uncertain,
looks like we’ll have rain!

Last week a sunny morning,
‘till after half-past-four,
then the heaven’s opened,
Down the rain did pour!

We all know politicians,
can’t agree together,
so let us just be thankful,
they can’t control the weather!

…it helps to fill a blog as well! Have a great weekend and I’ll see you on the other side!

Jim Hits The Deck!

Posted on June 19, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Clearing up after the car boot sale the other day I came across a discarded item from a stall. There, abandoned and unloved, lay Jim Reeves. How are the mighty fallen, from Top of the Pops to abandoned at Boot Sale…

A Jim Reeves sleeve hits the deck,
an aged lady says “By Heck!”
but Jim just lies upon the grass,
out of favour his time did pass.
I realise I may be wrong,
can’t remember a Jim Reeves song.
The housewives’ choice from years ago,
now thrown away that’s how it go.
Unfortunately there’s no way back,
As he slips inside the refuse sack.

The Three-Wheeled Coffee Machine

Posted on June 18, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

While waiting to pick someone up at Baldock station yesterday morning I was amazed to see almost every traveller stop to buy a coffee from a small three-wheeled coffee stall. Thinking about it later, I realised that small entrepreneurial outlets like this should be applauded. It exemplifies someone seeing a gap in the market and working hard to fill it…

Reading a classic Neville Shute,
as part of the daily commute,
a coffee sublime,
will suit you just fine,
followed by a portion of fruit!

The Farmer’s Classroom!

Posted on June 17, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday a group of farmers came to the farm to have a farm walk and discuss complicated new regulations and possibilities concerning on-farm environment. Even though most attendees broadly agreeded with everything that was said about protecting the environment, I wondered if the same rules and regulations would be accepted by our European ‘partners’…

Farmers sit silently in a draughty shed,
Listening to yet more rules with dread,
In a government office a man named ‘Fred’,
Doesn’t think it important to have food or bread.

He’s never seen a farm except in Emmerdale,
Never been outside in snow, rain or hail,
He thinks only footballers are called ‘bale’,
“We’d just import food if farming were to fail”

They wouldn’t put up with this in Paris or Rome,
Driving tractors, around the streets they’d roam,
The police would then cover them all in foam,
They all know: “Fair Trade begins at home!”

With many thanks to those who spend their lives attempting to explaining the latest European/British dictats without much thanks or praise.

The Missing Pen!

Posted on June 16, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

How often have you searched for a pen despite having recently bought a multi-pack? I am certain that at nights they play hide-and-seek and that those that win are still hiding come daybreak…

I’m sure I had a pen here today,
I remember using it yesterday.
When I find it I’ll make sure,
I’ll not lose it, or abuse it, anymore!
I’ve been looking for at least a minute,
I’m sure it’s around here, (innit?)
I’ll just get a new one from the drawer,
(before I find the missing pen on the floor!)

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Ye Olde British Customs