The Three Cormorants

Posted on June 15, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I saw a sight to anger any fisherman. Three cormorants were swimming down a river, line abreast, looking for their supper. These birds are natures finest fisherman, however they operate without any control or restraint. As a non-fisherman I was in awe of their skills…

Three bold fishermen,
all in a row,
fishing from mid-stream,
is all they know!
They don’t need a licence,
don’t need hooks,
all they have learnt,
is not from books!
But when they go fishing,
anyone can see,
of one thing they’re sure,
there’s always fish for tea!

The coarse fishing season starts tomorrow 16th of June here in the UK.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Road Sweeper!

Posted on June 12, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The road outside the farm has been resurfaced with tar and stone chippings. Many lorry-loads of stone arrived to be evenly spread on the tar. For some time most motorists using the road were unusualy cautious about speed for fear of slippage and windscreen or paintwork chips. Then along came the road-sweeper…

Like a bad-tempered tortoise,
it crawls down the road,
gathering road-stone,
to make up its load.

You hear it from a distance,
with a high-powered roar,
as if it’s walking bare-foot,
on a stone-covered floor.

But when it has gone,
motorists should shout ‘hooray’!
There’ll be less stone chips
in windscreens today!

Preparing for Guests!

Posted on June 11, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

When you have guests do you fly around the house like a dervish noticing all those little things you wish you’d tidied/mended weeks ago? Next week we open our gates for three visits to the farm. Two are from a London school and one from a group of local farmers. I’m not sure which visit scares me the most – 30 seven and eight year-old school children or critical farmers who’ll judge as they walk. Tommy has been helping prepare…

Yesterday morning clearing the barn,
with each hour that passes, greater alarm!
Tommy busy tidying, “where shall I hide,
this old tyre – in the nettles outside?”
We’ve tidied up the tools, swept the floor,
we’re nearly out of time can do no more.
Both groups of visitors will asking probing questions,
And in some cases, offer useful suggestions!
Everywhere I look I see cause for complaint,
Weeds that are growing, doors that need paint!
“Please Mr Farmer, can we see some cows!”
“I wouldn’t have rust like that on any of my ploughs!”
It’s getting to the stage where I’ve run out of time,
They’ll just have to accept me…
and this well-used farm of mine!

Every farm needs a Tommy, up to retirement he worked here full time, now he helps in the garden and dispairs at my untidyness!

Parking with Mrs Smith!

Posted on June 10, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Very often on the Internet you see pictures of atrocious parking. I thought these were confined to ‘abroad’ and to the USA in particular. Until yesterday, when I drove into my own home town to be confronted by a home-grown version of extreme parking. So shocked was I that I just had to comment…

Mrs Smith has trouble parking,
some suggest that she is barking!
She approaches the space so fast you see,
one might think she drives a large lo-rr-y!

With squealing tyres she slides right in,
been known to use a litter bin,
to halt her progress as she goes,
and save pedestrians delicate toes!

Other drivers avoid her face,
when she is looking for a parking space,
most just turn and drive away,
don’t want to lose no-claims today!

She’s been rumbled by the council,
“Do you think you’re Nigel Mansell?”
one day soon there’ll be a fuss,
“Might it be time to take the bus?”

With apologies to any ‘Mrs Smith’ who may drive a red car, I use the name in a generic way and not about you or your gender.

Fire-pit Tales!

Posted on June 8, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

One of the great pleasures of early-summer evenings is sitting around a fire-pit after a good barbecue and telling tales. Recently, after a particularly good evening, something was left behind…

A group of friends sat round a fire-pit,
Late one summers eve,
Telling tales of daring-do,
Most that you wouldn’t believe.

As the bottles emptied,
And some began to fade,
A gentle trickle off to bed,
‘Till only one had stayed.

On the following morning,
Still sitting on his seat,
The old man shook his head and said,
“Did I fall asleep?”

Moss-Killer Not Required!

Posted on June 6, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Having lived in the same house for thirty-odd years, the concept of moving is alien to me. However, much to the relief of removal companies, cardboard box manufacturers and suppliers of that strange brown tape, others move with a frequency that leads to their entry in address books being in pencil…

Our friends are on the move again!
Somewhere that’ll be near the train.
The address change comes by internet,
Must make a note before I forget.
By relocating to a brand new town,
They’re trying to cut their contacts down?
They’ll have to try a little bit more,
To shake me off, I know the score!
They may be cunning but me-thinks,
I’ll invite myself to the house-warming drinks!

*Also, I happen to know of a rather good car boot sale where disposal of unwanted items can be of great pleasure to those who relocate!

Thinking Of You!

Posted on June 4, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

While looking for a photo for this morning’s blog I came across a photo I took of a postcard that someone bought at the car boot sale last year. It was posted exactly a hundred years ago this week and conveys a sentiment that wouldn’t go amiss right now. However the actions of the subject would be frowned upon today and the postcard would banned from sale…

We should all take a moment,
In train or car or bus,
To consider someone’s day,
That is, apart from us.

Who do we know that is happy?
Do we know someone who’s sad?
Do we know someone whose life is good,
Or someone whose times are bad?

Take this postcard from long ago,
and perhaps do as I’ve said,
But please remember it’s dangerous,
To smile while smoking in bed!

I’m thinking of YOU at BALDOCK! Wishing you an enjoyable Thursday, may your day bring many smiles!

Fair Trade Wanted!

Posted on June 3, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I had a walk around the farm with Elizabeth, from the Farming and Wildlife Advisory Group, prior to a visit by a group of farmers in a fortnight. On the way round we talked around a number of topics, mainly to do with conservation. However something she said has sat at the back of my mind and is now shouting to be heard in that vast empty cavern…

Fair Trade should begin at home,
Supporting farmers now,
Instead of looking to abroad,
For wheat or milk or cow!
We want everything to be cheaper,
We don’t care how it’s done,
The fact the grower gets bugger-all,
“It’s always been,” say some.
So next time you’re doing shopping,
Seeking bargains with toothcomb!
Consider looking for British,
Because Fair Trade begins at home!

Sunday Night Supper!

Posted on May 31, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Having my grand-daughter to stay alloys me a chance to reunite with childhood delicacies. I am able to digress in the aisles with my trolley and allow old friends back into my life. Then when she has eaten her fill and there are one or two (or more!) left in the box I strike! it would be a shame to waste them…

Fish-fingers and salt,
With salad cream,
How long ago,
Seems like a dream,
Since my mother grilled them,
On a tiny Baby Belling,
Prompting the question,
“Are those fish-fingers I am smelling?”

One Small Step!

Posted on May 30, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Earlier this week I wrote about John and Jane and their experiences with their windbreak while away on their boating holiday (http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=6995). Later I heard that Jane had fallen down some stairs and was being treated in A&E. I have to explain here that Jane is many years younger and much fitter than me, therefore it came as a shock when I learnt that she fell, not down a large Cinderella-style staircase, but down two small steps into the boat…

Sometimes the smallest of steps sees you tumble,
The smallest of steps sees you fall,
Just when you’re not expecting it,
You find yourself up against the wall.
It’s not the large bills that scupper,
It’s often those unexpectedly small,
In life it’s that one extra step that is dangerous,
So take care, out there, Y’all!

Take care out there, have a great weekend and hopefully see you again soon.

Baldock Bard

Verse and Worse from the Baldock Versemonger

Category Archives: Ye Olde British Customs