Fish on a Friday! | Baldock Bard

We live in stressful times. We all suffer from stress of some sort or another, but we hide it well. Sometimes when stress takes its ultimate path, people are heard to say: “He/she seemed always to be so calm, unconcerned and in control.” I have discovered the answer, Fish on a Friday…

I park the car and ignore the pay and display!
I walk along the river bank with everything I’ll need.
I discover a nicely mown patch of grass underneath a tree that is warm and sunny.
This is Fish on a Friday!

First things first, means unfurling the large umbrella and assembling the very comfy chair!
Then assemble the ultra-light carbon-fibre rod along with reel, line and extra-large float.
But no hook! (We don’t want to catch anything)
I immerse the keep net into the water to chill cans of my favourite drink.
Then it’s time to cast my rod which will see the float nicely placed in the middle of the river.

It is time for the bait.
I mull over what to use first.
Shall I go for the irritating foreign call-centre voices on the phone who say “Hello! My name is Brian (when it’s obviously not!) how are you today?”
Or shall I choose MPs of all parties? These are somewhat tricky, as although they have shown willingness to be chosen, they tend to resist when it comes to the vote and have to be drop-kicked (between the legs) into the water and held under until the fish start to bite.
I chose instead to go for officials, many in fluorescent coats, carrying clipboards and using such idiot bollox-talk such as “we shall engage with our stakeholders!”
They bob up and down in the water and I throw in a couple of councillors, a traffic warden and three bankers for good measure!

Before I came out, I visited one of those ‘nail parlours‘ that seem to be springing up in every town. Instead of having the stars and stripes painted onto my talons, I had eyes painted onto my eyelids so it looks like I’m awake while dozing!
I then stretch out in the comfy chair, raise a tin to my mouth and eventually fall asleep in the warm sun.
Passers-by on the other bank point at me and say, “Lucky bastard has time to Fish on a Friday!”

Here’s hoping you have a stress-free Friday and a wonderful weekend with those you love. Happy Fishing!

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