Naughty Alfie! | Baldock Bard

I was picking up the litter after this morning’s car boot sale when I heard shouting from the footpath behind the hedge. I saw a black, spaniel-sized dog, running across our neighbour’s field of oil seed rape. The more the dog’s owner shouted, the further away the dog ran. I was half expecting it to disappear through the fence to chase the sheep in the far field. Thankfully it was distracted by a flock of pigeons…

“Alfie… Alfie… Alfie…”
Alfie’s owner puffed,
while his wife looked furious,
and his daughter huffed.

“Alfie… Alfie… Alfie…
I will tan your hide,
then lock you in the garage,
not let you come inside!”

“Alfie… Alfie… Alfie…
leave those sheep alone,
If you don’t come along soon,
You won’t be coming home!

“Alfie… Alfie… Alfie…
stop playing with that lamb,
we’ll feed you when we get home,
some nice organic ham!”

“Alfie… Alfie… Alfie…
I’ll soon be at a loss,
the farmer has a gun,
and he’s looking very cross!”

“Alfie… Alfie… Alfie…
stop playing with those sheep,
why they’re in the countryside,
when it’s cold and threatening sleet?”

Alfie… Alfie… Alfie…
Killed the lamb with just one bite,
the nasty farmer shot him,
he won’t be home tonight.

Please note: It is not advisable to feed a dog on ham, it is only used in this context as it rhymes with lamb! The author takes no responsibility for the diet of reader’s dogs.
I (along with most farmers) find the thought of killing a dog abhorrent, however it is up to responsible dog owners to keep their dogs on a lead in the countryside and away from livestock.
Unfortunately, while farmers are within their rights to shoot a dog worrying livestock, the same does not apply to punishment of irresponsible owners.

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