The Flood Gates!

Posted on December 7, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

There has been heavy rain (40mm) and flooding in parts of the North West over the weekend. Houses have been flooded, power supplies cut and everyday lives disrupted. Soon the media will move elsewhere and little will be done until next time…

There’s flooding up in Cumbria,
the media is there in force,
looking for tomorrow’s pictures,
in the middle of floods – a horse!
Schools are empty and silent,
children shelter from the rain,
when they go back to the classroom,
Climate change will shoulder the blame!

Apparently poor quality flood defences built after the last time are holding back the dispersal of the flood water! Typical of a job poorly planned and carried out on an inadequate budget. Government cuts budgets at home to pay for foreign aid including flood protection in foreign countries.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Bean Sweeper!

Posted on December 4, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I was due a lorry to collect a load of beans. This meant sweeping a bin of beans under a time constraint (it’s a cardinal sin on a farm to keep a lorry waiting). As I’m old and decrepit, I was concerned that it also may knacker me for good! Enter Russ stage left…

If the AA is the fourth emergency service…
then my mate Russ is the fifth!
When he offered to help sweep some beans,
I thought he was taking the pith!
The lorry arrived on the farm,
Russ rushed into the bin,
an hour later he surfaced,
beneath the sweat was a grin!
He announced to any who’d listen,
(just me, so no need to shout!)
“Bring on the next bin of beans,
that was better than a trainers work-out!”
Everyone needs a Russ in their lives, it makes all the difference!
© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Look of Guilt!

Posted on December 3, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Having been away for a few days, we returned home to discover a dog in disgrace. I knew the look, I’ve seen it many times before usually when the accused is caught helping herself to food from the table or larder…

Dog sits in shame in the corner,
she knows full well what she’s done,
guilt written over her face,
she’s stolen a cake or a bun!
But no! This time it is different,
apparently she thinks she’s a cat,
she’s eaten a bowl-full of cat treats,
the evidence, her stomach, is fat!

But she was very pleased to see us and has pronounced herself ‘not guilty’ as the cats told her she could help herself and it was our fault for leaving her behind in the first place!

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The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
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Old Age Education

Posted on December 2, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

It has been said that life is circular. We start off totally reliant on others, go through a learning phase with education, reproduce, then at an advanced age once again becoming reliant on others. I seem to be going through a second ‘education phase’ the first one having been spectacularly unsuccessful…

I went to Harper Adams University,
an agricultural drone course just for pilots,
we learnt farmers growing produce,
fields of crops not pots of violets!

In a classroom we studied Powerpoint
“This is wheat,” the lecturer said,
I became confused and worried,
most of it went over my head!

When I was young farming was simple,
wellies tweed cap and a dog!
Now I’m aged I learn new phrases,
Precision Farming with my drone log!

I don’t seem able to stop learning,
unfortunately it’s just too late,
not long from now I’ll be retiring,
overeducated to shut the gate!

With many thanks to all those at Harper Adams University College who made an old man most welcome. I just wish I’d been forty years younger!

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The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The True Meaning of Friendship

Posted on December 1, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Sometimes in life, quite by accident, all the stars align to create an unexpected day. Today is one of those. This morning I awoke in Staffordshire, staying with my old friend Tony. Nothing unusual about that!
Today I am off to Harper Adams University College to do a BASIS course about drone-use in agriculture. In doing this I will pass the spot where a drunk driver killed my son when he was a student at the college.
By absolute coincidence, today would have also been the 60^th birthday of Tony’s wife Marsya (after whom my granddaughter is named).
During the living hell that happens to a family after a fatal road traffic accident, Marsya became our eyes, ears and body up here, attending the Coroners Court, local memorial services, taking pressure from us and much much more.
She was one of the most talented journalists of her age, a wonderful mother, wife, user of words and wearer of country casuals.
Above all, she was truly a friend in need and a friend indeed.

We all miss her.

Happy Birthday Mars.

Baldock Bard

The Coffee Jar!

Posted on November 30, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Monday mornings can be difficult, we all have our own rituals, likes and dislikes. This morning sees me in the depths of Staffordshire, however I was able to indulge myself in a most satisfying ritual, opening a new coffee jar as I find myself in a house of tea-drinkers…

The coffee jar I brought,
foil covering is new,
I got to grab it first,
(excitements I have few!)
I opened up the lid,
an experience sublime,
Someone was there before me,
I opened it last time!

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Friday Beans!

Posted on November 27, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning I have to move beans from the store to the barn in preparation for a lorry next week. Field beans are not only very dusty but also extremely noisy, so I’m in for a peaceful morning, not…

Beans, beans, good for the heart,
moving them is quite an art.
The more you move them,
the more knackered you feel
‘tis why moving beans has no appeal!

Here’s hoping your day is more peaceful than mine. Have a great weekend!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Dustie!

Posted on November 25, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I came out of the grain store, as usual covered in dust. During the wheat sweeping process I’d been immersed in dense dust and with chaff blown around by the air sweep floors of the bins. These are supposed to clear the bins, however, like me, they are old and knackered and so help is needed…

I came out of the store covered in dust,
I thought to myself ‘a selfies’ a must!
Dust and wheat were everywhere,
down my back and in my hair.
On my shoulders it lay like freshly-fallen snow,
you’ll never guess where grains can go!
I went to the workshop to the compressor so trusty,
but before I used it I posed for a ‘Dustie!’

Have a great dust-free day!

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The School Run (repeat)!

Posted on November 24, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

It is about 14 years since I last did the morning school run. This morning I am taking my granddaughter to nursery school about five miles away. In the countryside the school run almost always involves a car. So I’m off to brave the traffic, wish me luck…

I’m off once more,
To do the school run,
haven’t done it for years,
This should be fun!
I used to take,
my daughter and her brother,
to get them in the car,
I’d rely on their mother!
One day I said:
“I will go alone!”
before realisation,
no point in leaving home!
But this is different,
a ‘one-off’ is quite cool,
taking my little granddaughter,
along to nursery school!

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Cold Calling!

Posted on November 20, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I am being plagued by cold callers at the moment. So much so that I am beginning to ignore those whose number shows as being withheld. Having answered yet another cold call my concentration is shot and not only have I wasted the time the call took but my blood pressure has risen…

I rushed to the phone,
just got there in time,
another cold caller,
on the end of the line.

Did I want a change,
of telecomms supplier?
superb double glazing?
or ornate fake-log fire?

He asked me if,
I was having a nice day,
I replied that I would be,
if he’d simply go away.

The only calls I welcome
From folk who want to chat,
I’d disconnect the line,
if it wasn’t for that!

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