The Launch Invitation!

Posted on November 2, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Selling a commodity is never a precise art. Here on the farm I use a co-operative called Fengrain to sell my wheat for me as I am a grower not a seller! I guesstimate my crop in January, work out when my cash-flow needs life-saving injections and the professionals do the rest! They are able to sell through the year and I am able to relax a little. This year, in a time of rock-bottom prices not seen since the early-Eighties they have so far sold at levels beyond my wildest hopes…

My cash-flow sighed with contentment,
when the money came in from the wheat,
it wasn’t the best of the last years,
but for this year was a real treat!
We have grown used to advertising,
tailored on Facebook and Twitter,
in my case it is many drone-things,
and ways of getting much fitter!
But I wasn’t expecting the postman,
to anticipate better prices so far,
by delivering an invitation,
for the launch of a Porsche supercar!

…Thanks to Fengrain for making my wheat values so much better, but I’m sorry to disappoint you Mr Porsche, they aren’t that good!

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Lesson of the Leaning Poles!

Posted on October 30, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

At work do you ever get a ‘Tractor-Driving’ moment? You are sitting at a desk (or similar), working on auto-pilot, and your mind wanders so far off target that when you ‘return’ to the job in hand you shock yourself. There are obviously times when this is unadvisable (e.g. if you drive for a living or are a chef with knives), but on certain jobs I find such moments unavoidable…

I was mowing yesterday,
topping grass not making hay,
when my mind went for a walk,
even ignored the radio squawk!

When I came back ‘into the room’,
(soundless entry, not a zoom!),
electric poles there were a-sway,
had I hit them whilst away?

Looking from the tractor seat,
I’d missed them by quite some feet,
I let out a most relieved sigh,
and gave thanks to the One on High!

…and vowed never to do that again. I’d learned a valuable lesson that will be avoided next time by paying attention!
© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Autumn Colours from the Air!

Posted on October 29, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Flying my UAV (drone) above a newly-planted crop of wheat the other day I noticed some amazing colours in the background. Yesterday, after a damp start, the sun made an appearance and I dashed up to the wood behind the farm. I was not disappointed…

Autumn is here in the wood,
a vast range of colours to delight,
but all to soon the hues are gone,
colours become as black as night.

But then in Spring
green shoots will appear,
as trees celebrate,
yet another year!

And man will dash,
and work and rest,
not seeing nature’s,
colours are best!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Power Cut!

Posted on October 28, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning, at just after seven, the lights went out. We had a power cut. Ringing the power carrier (like Aquarius but with volts), I was informed by a distended voice that she knew about the fault in my area, it was probably due to the effect of heavy rain on underground cables and that everything would be back to normal very soon…

There’s no electric,
we’re in the dark,
no hot drinks,
the choice is stark!
Such a nice lady,
other end of the phone,
dealing with it personally,
on her own!
She wears high-vis,
everyone can see,
she’s down the hole,
mending the wire for me!

…Don’t go beserk,
with UK Power Network,
by half-past-nine,
…all was fine!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Toy Kitchen!

Posted on October 27, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Recently Mrs Bard and I went shopping to a large warehouse with our granddaughter. As a reward for tedious time locked in the trolley she spent time exploring the toy section. Apart from her delight at anything dressed in that hideous blue from a certain ‘Cold’ film, she didn’t seem very interested until we reached a full-size kitchen set…

“A kitchen,” she cried with obvious glee,
“just the place for Baby and me,
I can make her wonderful food,
to satisfy her every mood!”

I was about to say…
“Look at that tractor!”
When I realised,
gender was a factor!
…and I wouldn’t dare suggest such a choice, as at three, she is already very strong-willed!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

60 Not Out!

Posted on October 26, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I am 60 today. Apparently, according to some junior reporter for a national newspaper who has just eschewed nappies for ‘Y’ Fronts and has column inches to fill, this is the new 40. If it is, and I very much doubt it, why does my back hurt whenever I sweep a bin, crawl under a machine or spend more than an hour in a tractor seat?

I am 60,
Fuuuuuck!
Where did the years go?
Was it really that long ago,
That I was at school,
at college,
at my wedding,
at two births?

‘Whatever happened to him?
Whatever happened to her?’
phrases I seem to have
seldom used
as for some strange reason
friends have remained
and few have strayed.

So the answer to life
is to collect friends
in the same way
you’d collect
diamonds
precious
stones
or rare
plants,
keeping them
in a very safe place
well nourished
and watered!

Thank you friends
for being…
…friends!

P.s the answer to a long and happy marriage is obvious – Do like I did and marry your best friend (34 years and still Mrs Bard hangs onto this idiot!).

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

A Quiet Saturday Morning!

Posted on October 24, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning I awoke with a start at 5am. I sat up in bed panicking that I would be late to let the sellers and buyers into the car boot sale field. I then realised that our last sale of the season was last week. I went back to sleep…

The rabbits at the bootsale field,
know that something’s wrong.
Skylarks fluttering overhead,
interrupt their wonderful song.
“Where are they? They all ask,
they should all be here,
there’s not a human to be seen,
Something’s wrong we fear!”

A wise old owl,
with a friendly hoot,
said “End of the season,
no car boot!”

Happy Christmas to all our wonderful customers at the Baldock Car Boot Sales. We’re back after Easter 2016. Also grateful thanks to Grant and Linda for all their hard work catering for the masses – enjoy your Saturday morning lie-ins!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

No Need for a Cork!

Posted on October 22, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

According to ‘Lifestyle Advisors’, larders in houses are making a comeback. Naturally, being ahead of the game, we’ve always had one. Unfortunately a larder also becomes the harbourer of antiquated tins, that unidentifiable and undrinkable bottle friends brought back from a foreign holiday and enough bags for life to see me into my 209th year. Some things once discovered cannot be ignored…

I found a bottle of Sloe Gin in the larder,
Thought to myself ‘just a taste’,
The liquid the smoothest of flavours,
Within no time was rat-faced!

I struggled to push back the stopper,
The cork I had wouldn’t fit,
To make room I had another glassful,
Tasted better the second hit!

I really had no other option,
But to empty every drop to my glass,
I drained the last from the bottle,
Then spectacularly fell on my ass!

I lay on my back like a fly-sprayed,
On my chest an empty bottle,
I don’t think Mrs Bard was amused,
As my neck she started to throttle!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
Back every Saturday after Easter 2016
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Full Day!

Posted on October 21, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Once in a while I oversleep. Normally when I’ve stupidly tried to cram too much into my day. Yesterday was one of those days: I was out rolling long before daybreak, at ten o’clock I drove to EdeCel in East London for the UAV (drone) show and by half past three was back on my tractor until darkness fell. Something had to give way…

I’m sorry I’m late
My bed wouldn’t release me
It held me hostage
No ransom demands were sent
No payments made
And before I knew it
I was late

So it’s not my fault
You’ll have to speak
To my warm pillows and duvet
It’s their fault
Not mine!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling

Posted on October 20, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Here I am, up at the crack of dawn once again. There is no car boot sale, the warm bed I’ve just left is still inviting and it’s pitch black outside. The problem is that we’ve nearly finished planting wheat, the seedbeds need compacting (just like the household staff prepare your bed in a hotel!) and rain is on the way…

Rolling, rolling, rolling,
is what I did last night,
rolling, rolling, rolling,
under the tractor’s light!

Wildlife ignored me,
“What’s he up to now?
in the dark he’s normally absent,
Except sometimes with the plough!”

I’ve got to get it finished,
before it comes to rain,
and then the fields at night,
can be peaceful once again!

Have a great day, sorry about the noise last night!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above 
Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
SG7 6RD
is the friendliest bargain bonanza anywhere!
every Saturday until 17th of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk