The Sea Bass Twins!

Posted on June 5, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

My grand-daughter and I were standing at a fish counter the other day when we noticed some twins. Lying on ice on a hot day seemed an attractive proposition and they looked as if they were enjoying themselves by the broad grins on their faces. However looks can be deceptive…

Fish A and Fish B,
Were far from the sea,
On a very hot day in June.
Fish A said “it’s nice,
To be resting on ice,
I hope we’re not chosen too soon!”

“Look at those folk,
it must be a joke,
In this heat they may possibly swoon!”
Fish B with a fin,
Comforted him,
Knowing they would be chosen by noon!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Thinking Of You!

Posted on June 4, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

While looking for a photo for this morning’s blog I came across a photo I took of a postcard that someone bought at the car boot sale last year. It was posted exactly a hundred years ago this week and conveys a sentiment that wouldn’t go amiss right now. However the actions of the subject would be frowned upon today and the postcard would banned from sale…

We should all take a moment,
In train or car or bus,
To consider someone’s day,
That is, apart from us.

Who do we know that is happy?
Do we know someone who’s sad?
Do we know someone whose life is good,
Or someone whose times are bad?

Take this postcard from long ago,
and perhaps do as I’ve said,
But please remember it’s dangerous,
To smile while smoking in bed!

I’m thinking of YOU at BALDOCK! Wishing you an enjoyable Thursday, may your day bring many smiles!

Fair Trade Wanted!

Posted on June 3, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I had a walk around the farm with Elizabeth, from the Farming and Wildlife Advisory Group, prior to a visit by a group of farmers in a fortnight. On the way round we talked around a number of topics, mainly to do with conservation. However something she said has sat at the back of my mind and is now shouting to be heard in that vast empty cavern…

Fair Trade should begin at home,
Supporting farmers now,
Instead of looking to abroad,
For wheat or milk or cow!
We want everything to be cheaper,
We don’t care how it’s done,
The fact the grower gets bugger-all,
“It’s always been,” say some.
So next time you’re doing shopping,
Seeking bargains with toothcomb!
Consider looking for British,
Because Fair Trade begins at home!

The Travels of a Breakfast Goat!

Posted on June 2, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

My grand-daughter is fascinated by goats and this morning she and I are enjoying an early breakfast. In an effort to stave off Ms Peppa Pig or Master Thomas the Tank Engine, I am pulling tricks out of my not-yet-awake sleeve! In the end I realized there was only one trick left…

There’s a goat in the cupboard,
what are we going to do?
he want’s to go to Cambridge,
has a ticket for Timbuktu!
He doesn’t want the railway,
he wants to go by bus.
He’s demolished a bowl of Goatabix,
is making a dreadful fuss!
My grand-daughter’s told him he can stay,
make himself at home,
Now he says he’s changed his mind,
and wants to go to Rome!
He going to call a taxi,
we’ve said that can’t be right,
he has said that that’s ok,
he’ll go by goatabike!

* Picture shows Marsya’s Godmother, Aurora, in Greece with her herd of goats. It is useful to have someone to blame for an obsession other than ones-self!

STOP PRESS!
Updated photo from Greece from Aunty Aurora!

© Baldock Bard 2015
For more from the Baldock Bard click on ‘Home’ above

Facebook: Baldock Bard
Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Every Saturday until the end of October
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Sunday Night Supper!

Posted on May 31, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Having my grand-daughter to stay alloys me a chance to reunite with childhood delicacies. I am able to digress in the aisles with my trolley and allow old friends back into my life. Then when she has eaten her fill and there are one or two (or more!) left in the box I strike! it would be a shame to waste them…

Fish-fingers and salt,
With salad cream,
How long ago,
Seems like a dream,
Since my mother grilled them,
On a tiny Baby Belling,
Prompting the question,
“Are those fish-fingers I am smelling?”

One Small Step!

Posted on May 30, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Earlier this week I wrote about John and Jane and their experiences with their windbreak while away on their boating holiday (http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=6995). Later I heard that Jane had fallen down some stairs and was being treated in A&E. I have to explain here that Jane is many years younger and much fitter than me, therefore it came as a shock when I learnt that she fell, not down a large Cinderella-style staircase, but down two small steps into the boat…

Sometimes the smallest of steps sees you tumble,
The smallest of steps sees you fall,
Just when you’re not expecting it,
You find yourself up against the wall.
It’s not the large bills that scupper,
It’s often those unexpectedly small,
In life it’s that one extra step that is dangerous,
So take care, out there, Y’all!

Take care out there, have a great weekend and hopefully see you again soon.

Jack the Russell

Posted on May 29, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

We have many discerning customers at the Saturday car boot sales we hold on the farm. This is not only because entry amd parking for buyers is free, but because the sellers bring along such fascinating items to sell. One buyer who knows, and gets, what he wants is called ‘Jack’ and is amongst the many ‘four-legged buyers’ we see each week…

Every Saturday without fail,
Jack comes to the car boot sale,
Leads his human around the field,
Wondering what today will yield!
He chooses his purchase with much care,
Always picks a teddy-bear!
Then turns his back as if to say,
“I have chosen, now you pay!”

Out Into The Sunlight!

Posted on May 28, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Can you remember the exhilaration you felt when coming out into the sunlight after a school or university exam? I can’t, I’m far too old to remember back that far! However the rush of adrenaline felt when I came out into the sunlight having delivered, and had inspected, my Bank Holiday’s paperwork ( http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=6987 ), would probably have come near! I had made a number of mistakes that were spotted by eagle-eyed Sandra from the RPA (Rural Payments Agency) before she stamped my paperwork and receipt. I have nothing but praise for this government agency as they have been ever-helpful and kind to this dim-witted farmer. So that’s it for another twelve months and I can breathe again…

Sandra stamped the certificate of receipt,
This meant for me the nightmare was complete!
A form fully filled without mistake,
Means a good nights sleep without being wide-awake!
Worrying do I need an RLE1?
Or mark on maps any changes done?
The deadline for forms is nineteen days time,
I can’t believe that they’ve got mine!
I can only thank those from the RPA,
Who have eased my despair and led me to this day!
I have never been so happy to walk out of a door,
And see the day’s bright sunshine once more!

*I was so stunned at having actually achieved the goal that I took a picture of the government offices at Cambridge, hence the rather strange photo above!

The Windbreak Virus!

Posted on May 27, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

There is a condition known to all caravaners as AES or Awning Erection Syndrome. It can strike down any couple who attempt to erect an awning in front of others at a campsite. The difficulties faced in what should be a simple operation results in bitterness, shouting, throwing down of tools and abusive language. To non-participants, particularly those whose awnings are already erected and alcohol is to hand, it is an exciting sport worthy of the Olympics. Some bouts have gone down in the annals of caravaning and are passed from generation to generation around the plastic table.
Unfortunately there are other closely-related viruses that don’t require a caravan. One such incurable virus is WEF or ‘Windbreak Erection Failure’. This has struck down friends on their boating holiday…

John and Jane have gone away,
On a boat for a holiday.
True to say all was well,
Until they entered Windbreak Hell.
Unwrapping the poles was an easy task
“Do as I say we’ll erect it fast!
It’s a piece of cake,” John soon yawned!
“Don’t speak too soon,” Jane then warned.

The windbreak was needed, the strong wind blew,
like a vast hang-glider into the air it flew!
John cried “Jane, leave this to me!”
As he rescued the material from the nearest tree!

Two hours later,
two empty chairs,
A husband and wife making repairs!

*Names have been changed to protect the embarrassed, however be careful out there, you may well suffer next, on the beach, at the festival, in the park…!

Precious Learns!

Posted on May 26, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

On April 30^th I told you about the arrival of our five goslings: http://www.baldockbard.co.uk/?p=6898. Unfortunately we only have one left, the others having either been left behind as the geese travel vast distances around the farm or were killed by the fox. As a result the proud Mummy and Daddy (or Mummy and Mummy, or Daddy and Daddy!) are less than friendly towards me and guard ‘Precious’ very closely…

“Get away! Get away!
Don’t you come near.
We’ll make you sorry,
with a bite on your ear!”

“We’ll then chase you,
around the farm,
pen you in a corner,
and break your arm!”

“What’s that you’re carrying?
Could it be food?
To bite the hand that feeds us,
would be very rude!”

“Go on Precious,
say ‘Hello’
He’s come to feed us,
and then he’ll go!”

“Thank you Mr Farmer,
For the handful of wheat,
Do come again tomorrow,
with tasty food to eat!”