A Cambridgeshire Crucifiction!

Posted on April 6, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I watched a passion play and it was excellent. The amateur players hardly put a foot wrong and despite taking place in various locations around a Cambridgeshire market town, there seemed to be no hiccups! It was however, slightly strange to see the characters with a variety of modern day backdrops…

At Easter in St Neots they’ve closed the street,
Residents can come to listen and meet,
There are stages set and Roman Guards,
Pharisees, Scribes and also Bards!
The throng all follow the action route,
There’s a crucifixion in a car park to boot!
When they’ve seen all there is to see,
The crowd wanders home in time for tea!

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Let’s Go Fly A Kite… (modern version!)

Posted on April 2, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday on Facebook a young lady from Bedfordshire posted a photo: ‘Let’s Go Fly a Kite!’ I suddenly realised that my drone is the modern equivalent! So thanks to Beckie here’s my take on a classic (you’ll all know the tune and it’ll stay with you for days!)…

Let’s go fly a drone,
Just behind our lovely home.
Let’s go fly a drone,
And watch it soaring!
Up to the atmosphere,
Those trees look very near!
Let’s go fly a drone,
And watch it falling!

We’ll send it for repair,
It will get no more fresh air,
Want to go fly a drone?
eBay in the morning!
Now that the drone is gone,
To a Londoner called Ron,
I now go and watch them crash,
On YouTube ‘till I’m snoring…

…Let’s all fly a drone etc!

You can find Beckie at Vibacious Events
http://www.vibaciousevents.com/
© Baldock Bard 2015
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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

Patisserie en France!

Posted on April 1, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Mrs Bard and I took the Eurotunnel from Folkestone last night and are spending a few hours ‘En France!’ It was a spur of the moment decision driven by my greed. We had been sitting at home and I suddenly had an urge for French patisserie and wondered aloud whether we could just get up and go? If so, would anyone would notice…
Chocolate Éclairs dans la fenêtre,
Would make many a dieter retch!
To display un Paris-Brest éclair,
On a dish, ce n’est pas fair!
A tray of twenty petit-fours,
I can see mine where are yours?
I’ll be coming home on a twenty-ton trolley,
Peut-etre, c’est seulement, l’Avril folie?
© Baldock Bard 2016
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The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Old Tractor!

Posted on March 31, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Yesterday I started up our old David Brown tractor. When she was new and shiny she was on display at the East of England Show! Now her bonnet is pitted with rust and she doesn’t like getting up in the mornings…

We have an old tractor,
Her name is David Brown!
She’s now retired,
Doesn’t work on the ground.
She’ll likely be seen,
Sawing up some wood,
She’d like to go ploughing,
I doubt if she could.
So she sits in the shed,
Doesn’t go anywhere,
It’s the tractor equivalent,
Of the high wing-back chair!

Lost – One Hour!

Posted on March 30, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I hope your Monday morning is better than mine! Since the clocks sprung forward I have no idea where I am! Rather like the days after decimalization (way back in the Seventies), I’m finding myself converting to ‘old time!’ With luck the day will improve…

It’s Monday morning,
I’m all of a tizz,
My poor body clock,
Has no idea where it is!
Yesterday morning,
I mislaid an hour,
Ever since then,
I’ve been on half power!

I’ve searched the whole house,
I’ve even asked Ron,
But nobody knows,
Where that hour’s gone!
At my time of life,
Can’t afford loss of time,
So if you find an hour,
Please return it, it’s mine!

The Road Closure

Posted on March 27, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

Driving back from the town yesterday Mrs Bard and I came were shocked to come across a road closure on the road leading to the farm. What lay over the small hill? Would we get home? Would the frozen peas defrost?
Today we are going to a little country church to say goodbye to a friend. What has been most shocking about Anthony’s death is that suddenly a number of facts of life have been exposed to me when I thought I’d tidied them neatly away in a cupboard.
Firstly, although I didn’t see him often, Anthony was one of those legions of people who sit in ‘the wings’ of one’s life stage and make up the chorus, they play a vital and comforting part in all our lives.
Secondly he was a true gentleman, totally honest and slightly shy, however this always set you up when he exposed his sense of humour which was never at another’s cost but just plain old-fashioned funny! He always took great care over words he used.
Thirdly, as a sheep farmer would say ‘they are now picking from my pen’ and despite not being able to ever tell what has caused the road closure just over the hill, there is never any warning and we’re all driving on the same road.

Rest in peace, Anthony, you were a real gentle-man and it was my pleasure knowing you. What a great example you set. Goodbye old friend.

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Last Load of Wheat!

Posted on March 26, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning is an early start as the last of the wheat from last harvest is leaving the farm. Unfortunately there is only around 10-12 tons wheras the lorry holds 29. So I’m sharing the load and the penalty for the trailer not being full with another farmer in the same situation. His wheat is already loaded and I’m praying that the rain stops before I load mine…

Up before the lark,
It’s pouring with rain,
When loading a lorry,
It’s a real pain.
If the moisture,
Is above fifteen,
There will be a penalty,
£2 a tonne, that’s obscene!
When the wheat arrives,
At the prcessing plant,
The first thing they add is water,
(They can, but I can’t!)

Happy Days!

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The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11^th 2015
With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

The Fragility of Life

Posted on March 25, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

This morning, due to wind direction, planes are begining their final descent to London Luton Airport directly over the farm. They look close enough to touch. However when each one passes overhead thoughts are drawn to a mountainside in the French Alps.

I look to the sky above the farm,
Another plane passes, no alarm.
I think of pieces strewn around,
Where the Airbus hit the ground.

We see pictures of many grieving young,
16 classmates no more fun.
Photos of passengers no more to be seen,
On a mountainside a mourning scene.

We watchers from afar are lucky to say:
‘For us tomorrow’s just another day.’

© Baldock Bard 2015
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The Stagnant Meeting!

Posted on March 24, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

The other day I went to a meeting where important matters were to be discussed. However it turned out to be a rather stagnant meeting where I longed for a diversion. Of course this often happens in the swan world…

“I call this meeting to order,” said Swan number one,
“There’s much to get through, much to get done.”
“We’ve seventy-nine thousand apologies to get through.”
“Can we not name them all?” said Swan number two!
“Minutes of last meeting should have been read,”
Unfortunately at this point a child with some bread,
Turned up on the bank and started to throw,
“This meeting is abandoned, we must all go!”
So the moral of this tale is easy for all to see,
That food is more important than items one to three!

With sincere apologies to anyone attending a meeting today. I’m sure it is vital and doesn’t need interruptions of any sort. Enjoy!

The Lie-in!

Posted on March 23, 2015 by The Baldock Bard.

I realise it is just plain cruel to talk about weekend lie-ins on a Monday morning. You’re commuting into work, packed into the train like sardines and I remind you of that lazy Sunday morning following the rugby. Foot warming provided by your faithful hound…

Here I lie at the bottom of the bed,
Using your feet to rest my head,
Don’t you dare think of rising soon,
With your post-rugby hangover you look like a baboon!
That presentation due for work tomorrow,
Won’t bring reward only sorrow,
So if I may make a reasonable suggestion,
Call in sick and blame congestion!

Wishing you all a Happy Monday, I hope your day brings joy and happiness. If the boss asks where the presentation is, please don’t blame me, I’m in enough trouble already without your reminder!