Fridge Art!

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Fridge ArtYou can always tell if a household includes an under-nine-year-old. You look at the fridge door/kitchen wall! If there are one or two pictures/scribbles then it is probably a grandchild. If more, along with discreet wax crayon/biro scribbling on the wall, then the house has a talented child whose expression is encouraged to run riot (even if the child is not!). We are enjoying the attentions of our very own ‘Granddaughter Picasso’…

We’ve mini-Picassos on our wall,
(Can’t throw them away, have to keep them all!)
The paint flows from the broad brush strokes,
Onto child, into clothes it soaks!
“Bring more paper, I need more!”
Masterpieces scattered on the floor!
Our poor dog has signed quite a few,
Paw prints coloured green and blue!
At last relief from painted foam,
Her mother’s here to take her home!
The dog collapses into her bed,
It’s then we spot – her coat is red!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Ducklings in December!

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December ducklingsSometimes I wake and think “What am I going to give my wonderful readers today?” I wandered downstairs in the dark as I have a lorry to load. It was bleak and cold as I opened the door for two hesitant terriers to salute the morning. Sitting in front of Madame Computer, I looked through a file of photos hoping for some sort of bleary inspiration to appear (aided no doubt by the blend of beans in my large steaming mug!). Suddenly some ducklings appeared on the screen. “Ducklings in December?” my brain screamed, “That’s just plain wrong!”…

There’s nothing like ducklings on a Thursday
To make everyone go “Aaah!”
Because a Thursday in December,
Can be depressing, under par!
It’s dark and cold in the mornings,
A commute devoid of chucklings,
So it’s good to have a springtime reminder,
Of warmer days and ducklings!

….sorry! Have a great Thursday.
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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The Nuisance Calls

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Nuisance Calls copyIn a period of 24 hours recently, I had no less than 14 unsolicited calls from the same foreign number. I managed to ignore them all, even though it was as much as my patience could stand not to answer them. However I have been known to answer such calls and confuse the callers…

I’m so fed up with nuisance calls
They are just what they say,
A nuisance interruption,
That haunts my time all day.
Sometimes I will answer them,
They ask me if I’m OK,
I tell them that I was felling fine,
Until they called my way.

They want me to change phone contract,
“I have no phone” I say,
“I’m talking on a banana,
Now please do go away!”
They try to sell electricity,
“I’ve switched to wood!” I say,
“I’ve wooden plugs and toaster,
I have cheaper bills that way!”

Then they get quite heated,
At that point start to swear,
I ask them “Are you finished?
You’re obviously unaware,
That you’re calling a premium line,
Thirty Pounds a minute,
The longer that you’re calling me,
The more cash my account has in it!”

…and suddenly they’re gone!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk
 

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The Food Bank

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ShoppersRecently the press has published comments by the Archbishop of Canterbury who thinks that food bank funding is the responsibility of government. It has opened a whole can of worms. Much of the argument is now firmly based on political agendas with the hungry families relegated to the sidelines. I feel that something has been missed from the argument. Maybe I’m just being too simplistic…

Thank Heavens for the Food Bank
When food some can’t afford,
Charity should begin at home,
Rather than abroad.

…Let’s just thank those wonderful volunteers who run this remarkable service and continue to donate wherever and whenever we can.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Twitter: @baldockbard
E-mail: baldockbard@www.baldockbard.co.uk

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All Crisp and Even!

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Frosty am1There is something utterly magical about a frosty morning. The frost clings to the trees and drives away the slushy wet mud that is a trademark of damp winter mornings. At this time of year we know that worse is yet to come. However if it were summer every day we’d long for winter…

The frost hangs from the willow tree,
A sparkling ball-gown for all to see,
Glass like ice on the puddles below,
Quickly inside to central heating we go!

A bowlful of soup with crusty warm bread,
Mug of hot chocolate before going to bed!
Pull up the duvet, banish the chill,
Up with the heating it’s freezing still…
…until you are woken by the alarm clock and forced out into a cold, dark and bleak farmyard to load a lorry. Winter is here!
Frosty am2© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Tractor Girl’s Ultimate Tractor Trip!

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Old Massey 165The media have been reporting this week that a Dutch actress is driving a Massey Ferguson tractor to the South Pole. Manon ‘Tractor Girl’ Ossevoort has around 3,000 miles to go on the ultimate tractor-trip. Originally, in 2005 she drove the length of Africa, but missed the boat for Antartica. Since then she has been raising money to complete the journey of 3,000 miles to the South Pole. Her Massey Ferguson tractor is in slightly better shape than our old one at the back of the barn, it is also warmer inside the cab…

The old Massey sits at the back of the barn,
Dreaming of lands far away,
The chance to drive to the end of the world,
Will, alas, not be coming her way!
She dreams of harvest, she dreams of the plough,
She dreams of the farm all day,
One day she dreams of reworking the fields,
Rather than rusting away.

www.smithsonianmag.com carries a very well written article about the remarkable journey of ‘Tractor Girl’ Manon Ossevoort. We wish her the very best of luck.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above


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You Can Never Go Back?

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LongstoweToday is my 900th posting and I started to look back. But the more I looked back the more I became convinced that it was a fruitless exercise. However a recent visit to a place that was very much part of my past, triggered memories. I want to tell you about when the past catches up with you…

Many years ago, when I told a friend that I was going back to visit former work colleagues at a farm I used to work on, I was told that you can never go back. So I took the advice and cancelled my planned visit.

Fast-forward thirty-six years and five months to a recent visit.

I went to a meeting to learn about the massive expansion in rules and regulations that is hitting farming right now. The venue was the Village Hall at Longstowe in Cambridgeshire, the very village I had left in 1978. Apart from a cursory look around when my children were small, I hadn’t been near the village since I left the farm.
Around fifty farmers had an instructive walk around part of the farm estate, guided by experts in the new regulations and the present owner. Much had changed, however I did recognise certain fields and that a fence that I had erected had recently been replaced! I spoke to the present owner (son of the owner that I knew), we chatted about certain parts of the farm and then he dropped a bombshell. The man who I had worked closely with all those years ago, Derek, and who I had thought so very old at the time, had only recently died.

Derek was ‘of the village’. He was born, raised and worked there.
His father was Station-Master until Beeching axed the line in the sixties. Once when young, Derek had taken the train to London. He was about to alight at Kings Cross when he saw all the people, decided that crowds were not for him and stayed on the train until he was safely back home.

Derek had a Morris Marina that despite its age had done minimal mileage. This was unsurprising as the furthest it was ever driven was an occasional trip to Gamlingay, a round trip of around twelve miles. Derek would get the car out of the garage and go through an exhaustive list of checks. During this time word would spread and his cousin ‘Wooper’, ‘Chalky’ White and anyone else nearby, would take their places in the car! Derek never complained but was always surprised how quickly word spread!

When my wife and I became engaged, Derek informed me that his mother and father wished to meet my intended. A Saturday morning was chosen and we were shown, like royalty, into the front room. Derek’s mother produced special mid-morning fare, Camp Coffee made with two heaped teaspoons of sugar, condensed milk and Woolworths finest ‘slab’ fruit-cake. We had a wonderful morning that remains as vivid thirty-six years later as it did back then.

Sad to say, after I left, I never saw Derek again. Despite all the friendship shown to a naive youngster, the many lessons and hours of companionship on the farm that this true gentle-man imparted, I just didn’t make the effort because I’d been told ‘you can’t go back’.

On a day when the change in farming could not have been more emphasised, my thoughts were with an ordinary man who taught me so much, not just about farming, but about life.

So, Derek, rest peacefully, i’m so sorry I didn’t make the effort.
If you ever get a chance to go back in time, just do it, you’ll regret it if you don’t.

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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One Man Went To Sweep!

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Sweeping SelfieI seem to spend most of my days at this time of year attached to a brush. After the wheat left the farm it was time to outload oats. These are much more dusty, spill easier from the loader bucket and therefore require more attention from the brush. By the time the oats reach your plate the dust has magically disappeared, I’m not surprised, it was all left on the farm…

These days I seem intent,
On wearing out the brush,
I am constantly sweeping,
Always in a rush!
Just when I think I’m done,
Another load of oats go out,
Leaving me sweeping,
Pushing oats about!
Soon it will be over,
The shed will be all clear,
The brush will be redundant,
At least until next year!
Sweeping Selfie 21© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Small Farms Under Attack

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Farmers MeetingYesterday I went to a meeting to learn about a whole raft of new agricultural regulations. We were shown around a two-thousand acre estate, my few hundred acres seemed very insignificant and the legislation talked about, large and frightening. Everything seemed to be verboten and penalty-laden. Somewhere deep within Whitehall, there must be a group of very angry regulators who have never seen the light of day, let alone a farm, whose sole aim is to destroy small farms…

Regulation, regulation, regulation,
Will be the death of me.
There’ll be no time to grow a crop,
Desk-bound I will be.
I know there have to be some rules,
This I understand,
But the latest tranche from DEFRA,
Have surely got out of hand.
I look back with idle longing,
To a time some years ago,
When the purpose of my job,
Was simply reap and sow!

© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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Cyber Monday Trials!

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Bank PlasticToday is Cyber Monday. Like Boxing Day follows Christmas Day, this apparently follows Black Friday which follows Thanksgiving. What we are giving thanks for here in the UK, I’m not quite sure, maybe it was World Bread Day or similar. I won’t be taking part in Cyber Monday as I am within without. I am like the Yonder Peasant. My plastic ran out yesterday and there is no replacement from the bank…

Following various phone calls,
My wallet has no plastic,
I cannot buy, I cannot live,
My life is not fantastic.
I’ve begged them to send another card,
I’ve been on bended knee,
But the only answer that they had,
Be working days ‘just three!’
So I’ve dusted down the cheque book,
(laugh if you must!)
What do you find in your wallet?
In mine there’s only dust!
© Baldock Bard 2014
For more verse click on ‘Home’ above

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The Baldock Boot Sale
Returns Saturday April 11th 2015

With more FREE parking and billions of bargains!
www.u-boot.co.uk

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