When I left school I worked on a dairy farm. In those days, every country road used to see a dairy tanker in the mornings. Now I have trouble working out where my nearest milk producing farm is, I think there might be one in Essex but I’m not sure. When the price of a single cigarette is more expensive than milk, you know somethings wrong…

Old Sam used to love his cows,
more love for them than his wife allows!
‘Marlene Three’ was his dear,
She’d stamp and flick her tail in your ear!
He’d call her always “ma wee hoor!”
before she exited the parlour door.
What he’d make of milk today?
“I’m better off in heaven'” he’d say.

With love and best wishes to dairy farmers across the UK, and especially those facing a future without cows. Sam died over thirty yeas ago and cows disappeared from the farm he worked on some time later.