The spectacle of an epic costume drama on our screens is under threat. So prevalent are regulations, that in future all such productions will require all actors to wear fluorescent costumes and safety considerations will far outweigh any dramatic content…
The Downton of the future,
Will be the safest costume drama,
As all the staff,
Not allowed to laugh,
A fluorescent panorama!
‘Elf and Safety rules the set,
The producer’s bound in chains,
They have to cut,
The set to shut,
If it ever rains!
The lady of the house,
Has shown the crew her drawers,
She says, “Well,”
“This shoot is hell,”
Because of polished floors!
The gardeners in reflective gear,
Have ruined the latest scene,
You can see,
Behind a tree,
Them waiting for the Queen!
Jenkins the Butler wears armbands,
He never learnt to swim,
There’s a lake,
In tomorrows take,
Drowning chances slim!
A Rolls Royce pulls up outside,
A lord has come for tea,
It can’t be hot,
Not in the plot,
It tastes just like cold pee!
The director’s had a breakdown,
Face is pale and pasty,
In a darkened room,
Like the womb,
Because of Health and Safety!
© Baldock Bard 2013
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