Have you ever been to a trade counter? It is a sacred place manned by the secretive for the sole benefit of the initiated. Woe betide you, if, as a member of the public, you fail to know exactly the name, dimension or precise use of what you seek. Things are getting better with the advent of help-desks in stores to which the public are welcomed, but there are still a few bastions of secrecy left…

The loneliest place on earth,
Is the trade sales counter,
When you’re not sure what you need,
It’s a very brief encounter!

They talk a different language,
In which you need initiation.
If you don’t own a white van,
There’ll be no explanation!

“I want a piece of piping,
That delivers water that’s hot.
I think it’s about this long,
Or maybe it is not!”

The store man looked and sneered:
“I really can’t help you,
I think that you’d probably be better,
Going to B&Q!”

© Baldock Bard 2013
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