I must have been playing in the long grass when my mother gave her cubs the etiquette lesson because I’m a social failure. Either I get motor-mouth-bore factor 50 or I am struck dumb with gargoyle-stone-tongue-syndrome. On Sunday I went to a wonderful 60th birthday party, lovely surroundings, sunshine, very tasty wine, marquee on an English lawn, one of over 100 guests and a seating plan for lunch. I knew quite a few of the other guests but have an inbuilt dread of seating plans. We sat down for lunch and I found myself between the daughter of the birthday-girl (a young and pretty Australian nurse) and a spritely and feisty grandmother. I tried to be a good guest, attempting to share attention, until the grandmother dug me in the ribs with a well-sharpened elbow…
“I think that you will find,
there’s a spider in your spoon,
and as it’s nearly two,
they’ll serve pudding very soon!”
I looked at my cutlery,
and suddenly could see,
the ‘spider’ she was talking about,
was the roof of the marquee!
In horror my brain went frozen,
what was I to do?
Suggest a trip to Specsavers,
or dash out to the loo?
So I picked up the spoon,
and gave it a mighty clack,
then she said the immortal words:
“Oh look! The spider’s back!”
With massive apologies to my wonderful lunchtime neighbours for the embellishment of the simple tale. Although in my defence, I did tell the grandmother as I took the photo that I had no idea how I’d include a spoon into a verse!
© Baldock Bard 2018
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