Have you ever delayed household repairs despite the irritation they cause? Mrs Bard had warned me that ultimatum time was nigh. So I called in Alex the carpenter and his apprentice Alfie to cure a pair of doors that needed a kick to open …

Alex is a carpenter,
Alfie gives him a hand,
They came to us to fix a door,
A useful two-man-band!

Alex had tea with milk,
Alfie wanted none,
Alex refused a biscuit,
Alfie a currant bun!

Alfie watched intensely,
Didn’t miss a trick,
Next time I recon he’ll do the job,
He’s certainly not thick!

The door was off its hinges,
Both sides went to the plane,
Bolt-holes lined with grease,
The door put back again!

Now the door shuts with ease,
As smooth as smooth can be,
They tidied up their tools
Refused another tea!

Alfie sat silently,
Not even a monologue,
But there again I suppose,
He’s just a Carpenters dog!

© Baldock Bard 2012
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