When I was a lad…! | Baldock Bard

“When I was a lad!” How I used to hate that phrase when I was young, as it always preceded a rant by some old fart about how the summers were warmer, the sky was bluer etc. ad nauseam. Now I am an old fart myself I have found myself wanting to do just that, so here goes…

When I was a lad…
harvest would take a fortnight,
three weeks if wet.
Alan Hughes would bring his combine,
a Massey Harris 780 special,
with an eight foot cut.
It traveled at a funereal pace,
so much so
that it was often
overtaken by a narcoleptic snail!
At around seven in the evening,
before he went home,
he would drink
a small bottle,
of cider (he didn’t like beer!)
to ‘lay the dust’!
The trailer would bring a ton,
of wheat to the farm
at a time,
which would be stored in bags.

This year, wheat and oat harvest
has taken just
twenty-four hours,
and beans eight hours
(so far, with another two hours to go!)
James brings his combine,
a John Deere 9780 CTS
with a twenty-four foot cut.
A decent jog is required
to keep up
with its forward progress
through the crop.
At around midnight
(or later if rain threatens)
the powerful floodlights,
return the surroundings to darkness,
and with a wave
James goes home..
The trailer brings seventeen tons,
up to the store,
and with a hiss of air brakes,
dumps the load
at the doorstep of my domain,
and dashes back for more,
leaving me to ‘cheat-shovel’
with the JCB bucket,
until it has disappeared
into the shed!
That is called ‘progress’!

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